The Effects of Abuse are Universal (Healing ALL Hearts) *Plus FREE eBook Promotion*

Tags

abuse, abuse awareness, Bullying, child abuse, domestic violence, domestic violence awarenes, Faith, healing, overcoming sexual assault, sexual assault, sexual assualt prevention, speaking out, universal effects of abuse

*This is a past blog I felt important to share again for Sexual Assault Prevention Month*  BE SURE TO CHECK OUT THE SPECIAL BOOK PROMOTION (FREE!!!) AT THE BOTTOM OF THE POST!!!

“Isn’t domestic violence different than having been raped? Don’t they experience different emotions and healing?” This was a question posed to me today at lunch.

Among abuse the ‘act’ perpetrated can be different: ie: physical violence, forced sexual contact, psychological mind play, verbal degrading, neglect, etc, however, the lasting effect of surviving any form of abuse is universal. The wound of feeling unworthy, shame and guilt is the same no matter what form of abuse created it.

The group I was with happened to be some ladies in the area that I’d never met with before and I was happy to have the question because in truth, I’m sure many people assume in helping one to heal it has to be separate. We focus on Domestic Violence separate from Date Rape, and yet, if it is the boyfriend or date doing the rape it is considered violence (domestic if they are dating)…and more often than not a young woman in a violent relationship or marriage that is being beaten, psychologically controlled and manipulated is also at some point in the relationship being raped by their boyfriend or spouse.

The verbal, mental and emotional abuse is often the underlying factor to nearly every form of abuse. Even with neglect…the lack of love, lack of care, lack of emotion and affirmation is verbal, and emotional abuse.

The effects of abuse last beyond the initial fist to cheek, push, slap, degrading comment, humiliation, or any moment of a forced sexual act or even innuendo. The effect is the insecurity that affects life-altering decisions. The effect is the lack of self-respect brought on by the guilt. The effect is the fear that is triggered by a word, touch, scent or situation.

The effect is same for a four year old American caucasian or black girl raped by their grandfather as it is for a four year old African caucasian or black girl raped by the militia. The effect is the same for a thirty year old hispanic woman beaten daily emotionally and physically by her husband as it is for an asian woman being demeaned and degraded, set aside by her husband. The effect is the same for a young boy molested by his next door neighbor as it is for a young boy being sold on the streets. Or a son beaten and verbally broken down into submission by his father as it is for boy excessively bullied at school.

The effects of abuse are universal which is why it is so important to spread the awareness of what it does to each of us. To get more and more survivors to talk about it and be heard so that generations to come can be aware, know the effects and how they affect a person, therefore empowering them to walk (or run) from a situation before it can take place…or in the least know to get help immediately if found in a similar situation.

Another woman asked, “How do you listen to so many stories every day especially when you are a survivor? Doesn’t it affect you negatively?”

The truth is this, hearing others stories and how they have lived through them and survived them first gives me continued hope and courage because sitting before me is a person who has lived through hell. They are still here and they are wanting to live. Second, the offense fuels the fire of my calling. To speak out, to help others speak out, to spread awareness and offer hope. And finally, I want nothing more than to see the person before me succeed in reclaiming their worth and take back their life. To not only survive but thrive beyond what was ‘done or said’
to them.

I left the lunch feeling a bit more invigorated and encouraged because by having to explain what I do it was as if God wanted me to hear what I needed to say.

If you have any questions about Hopeful Hearts Ministry or if you know of someone who could benefit from our ministry please do not hesitate to contact me at hopefulhearts333@gmail.com.

Blessings
Shannon

  *SPECIAL FREE BOOK PROMOTION*  Thursday – Monday EXPOSED will be on Kindle for FREE!!!

Till It Happens To You

Tags

Abuse survivors, CBS interview with lady gaga, child abuse, date rape, diane warren, domestic violence, healing, healing after abuse, healing from rape, lady gaga, rape, songs about abuse, till it happens to you

I was sent a message this morning from a good friend who watched an interview with song-writer Diane Warren and Lady Gaga. It was about her performance of Diane Warren’s song “Till It Happens To You [You Won’t Know How I Feel]”

She said it reminded her of Hopeful Hearts Ministry. I read the article first:

http://CBS Interview with Lady Gaga

And then listened to the song. The words.

The words. Amen.

In the interview Lady Gaga confesses she didn’t ‘think about’ what had happened to her till she was in her late 20’s. My friends, there are many that don’t ‘think about’ what happened to them till their in their 40’s, 50’s, even 60’s.

And when it does come forward and you want to talk, you want to talk to someone who understands. Whether it’s date rape, child abuse, domestic violence, verbal and emotional abuse, no matter the form of abuse, until it happens to you, you don’t know how we feel but it’s important we know we are not alone in what we feel.

I thought about some survivors in particular that are struggling at this very moment with these memories as they champion through this healing process. I know this is their anthem at this time and I shed a tear for them. Because I know. I know.

His mercy is endless…his grace abundant. To those of you who ‘know’…never give up. We know how you feel and we know you can survive and thrive.

Blessings

Shannon

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I Have a Voice – Tiffany (Family of victims of Domestic Abuse Suffer too)

Tags

abuse, assault, domestic abuse, domestic violence, family of domestic violence victims, healing, healing after domestic violence, I have a voice, murder from domestic violence, resource for families of abused

Please join with me to SHARE this video and help family members of those who have suffered (and are suffering) at the hands of an abuser to know they are not alone.

If you have a family member you believe is in an abusive situation please reach out to your local women’s shelter to find out what services they offer with counseling, and creating a safe plan of escape. Let them know you are willing to walk with them in this struggle.

When they struggle with seeing the truth of their situation do not give up on them. Listen and encourage them. Invite them to visit www.HopefulHeartsMinistry.com to watch this and other I Have a Voice Videos and to read the blogs that will help empower them to know their worth.

And if you have lost your loved one to domestic violence know it is not your fault. We encourage you to seek help through therapy, your church and other programs that help you walk through the grief of unexpected tragedy.

Tiffany has begun to compile a few resources with http://www.AskSeekandKnock.net

If you know of others resources, retreats, etc please contact Tiffany through her website to be included for others to benefit.

Blessings

Shannon

New Life [Life After Domestic Violence]

Tags

Abuse survivors, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Domestic Violence Awareness, emotional abuse, Faith, forgiveness, healing, Laura White, spirituality, verbal abuse

A few weeks ago when Laura White and I drove to Dallas to film another I Have a Voice video I was immeasurably blessed by the amount of hope and fortitude this woman sitting next to me exuded.  So many times we can take the struggles in our lives, focus on the annoyance and irritation of the circumstance and soon the struggle turns into a life-destroying tragedy.

Here is a woman who has miraculously lived through an unimaginable tragedy which has left her to face numerous daily struggles that could easily suck the second chance of life right out of her.  Instead, she focuses on the beauty in the simple things and though her struggles are both an annoyance and irritation she realizes the fact she can feel these emotions is a gift.

I asked Laura to update us on how she is three years after the incident:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life for Me today after Domestic Violence

My life today for the most part is very rewarding and full of surprises.  I find that my eyes are wide open to all that is going on around me daily.  I watch people to see if I see troubled looks on their faces.  I will glance at the sunset or sunrise and look above to thank God that I am still here to see that beauty displayed.  I watch to see how men are treating women where ever I am, at the grocery store, in restaurants, at the gas station, etc.  I smile when I see an elderly couple holding hands or quietly sitting somewhere talking to each other as they are still best friends.  I listen with joy when my 6 year old grandson tells me about his day at school or the next greatest thing he has seen advertised on a commercial.  I sit back quietly to watch and listen to my 2 children when they are together and feel my heart swell with love and pride for the adults they have become.

I still have so many unanswered questions about what I went through.  I wonder how I could have ever have let myself be treated in such cruel ways.  I look back and realize I do not know who that person was.  There are many days that as I am performing simple tasks such as doing laundry, taking out the trash or trimming the bushes in my front yard that my abuser will enter my thoughts.  I will re-enter those memories by thinking about how I lived in such fear if I didn’t perform such simple tasks correctly.  And then I will remember that how I was supposed to perform a task would change without warning and therefore invoke a barrage of verbal abuse usually followed by condemnation, extreme hatred and anger.  A good example of this was when I was first with my abuser I did some laundry and somehow managed to turn some of his socks pink.  Then another time I did laundry I accidentally threw a tee-shirt of his into the dryer therefore resulting in it shrinking.  My abuser verbally attacked me for weeks on end by saying I was out to get him and that I did it on purpose.  My punishment from there on out was I was not allowed to go anywhere near the washer or the dryer.  I was not even allowed to do my own laundry for 4 years.  If I so much as went out to the garage without stating my purpose beforehand, he would jump up and follow me to make sure I wasn’t touching the washer or dryer.  The good news about my life today is I can do my own laundry or other simple daily tasks without fear.  I enjoy the freedom to do my laundry and if I do turn my socks pink, I laugh because I love pink socks!!!

Anger will re-surface from time to time around the consequences I am faced with because my abuser tried to kill me which resulted in him shooting me.  I so long for my body to feel normal again, but as time passes, the body I have now is beginning to feel normal to me for the most part.  I can walk despite the weakness I have in my left leg due to the permanent nerve damage.  I can handle the stairs in a movie theater now.  I can’t run, hop or jump which leaves me wondering what I will ever do if faced with a situation where I have to flee due to impending danger.  The trauma my body suffered has left me with only 30% function in my kidneys which translates into Chronic Kidney Disease Stage 3.  The next level down would put me in danger of having to do dialysis or even worse, a kidney transplant.  When I first heard this from my doctor, the anger that came to the surface took me by surprise.  I have been able to forgive my abuser for his actions, but I am still very angry deep down about the results of his actions.  I do not sleep at night for more than 2-3 hours at a time.  This is not because I have bad dreams or nightmares about what I went through, it is because due to the loss of 80% of my digestive system, I am dehydrated at all times.  My body has to receive water constantly to keep me out of the hospital.  I naturally wake up every couple of hours to drink water.  I have adjusted to the schedule and will relish the few times I actually sleep for 4-6 hours, but then I have to really work hard to catch up on my water intake.

I will end this with how I started this.  My life to today is full of rewards and surprises.  I have such a feeling of peace and serenity to know that I am not in that abusive relationship today.  I have the courage and determination to never let myself be controlled by another person again.  I can stand up for myself and say no today if it doesn’t feel right and I strive to stand up for others who have experienced abuse firsthand.  I love my body as it is today even with its weaknesses and medical issues.  I can look in the mirror today and when I see my 15 inch scar and notice that I no longer have a belly button I smile and say this is my normal.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you are struggling, offer it up to the Lord and take a look at your day, recognizing the many blessings you’ve been given.

“They that hope in the LORD will renew their strength, they will soar on eagles’ wings; They will run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint.”  Isaiah 40:41

Blessings

Shannon

** If you or someone you know is in a domestic abuse situation and needs help please go to the Domestic Violence Hotline at www.thehotline.org or call 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)**

I’m Afraid for You – Guest Post

Tags

abuse, Depression, domestic abuse, domestic violence, domestic violence abuse survivors, domestic violence awarenes, domestic violence help, escape plan, escape plan for domestic abuse survivors, escape route for survivors, poetry, survivors of abuse

I feel prompted to share with you all this amazing poetry from Diana Rasmussen.  When I read this it grabbed me and I realize how often we might ‘turn the other cheek’ on our ‘neighbors.’  I think about the three women who were recently rescued in Cleveland, OH and wonder how many moments occurred among neighbors that something ‘just didn’t seem right’?

God gave us all a gift – intuition and instinct.  Don’t let these gifts go to waste.  Learn to trust these gifts – they could save your life or others.  There is also a wonderful Safety Plan at the end of this post.

Blessings

Shannon

I’M AFRAID FOR YOUShe lived in the trailer right across the street

not much of a neighbor she kept to herself

When the sun went down the fights would start

noises travel in a trailer park

I went over one day with cookies in hand

saw the fear in her eyes

said I’m afraid for you

I heard what he called you last night

what he’s doing just isn’t right

My door’s always open anytime day or night

I’m afraid for you

That night he came home smelled something amiss

he started screaming and yelling

I heard punching fists

Afraid for my friend I called 911

it was time for this to be done

I’m afraid for you

I heard what he called you last night

what he’s doing just isn’t right

My door’s always open anytime day or night

I’m afraid for you

She stood in the driveway

blood on her white gown

cops took him away

when I said I’m afraid for you

I heard what he called you last night

what he’s doing just isn’t right

My door’s always open

anytime day or night

I’m afraid for you

Part of Diana’s Story:

“I have lived in abuse, years upon years, relationship upon relationship. I have been married – more than once, and I have been divorced – more than once, to abusive men. I have been to the shelters, time and again. I have had restraining orders, had them broken, and called the police again. I have been to court more times that I can count. I have fought for my children and their rights for child support. I had had 3 suicide attempts and thank you Lord, I did not succeed. I have been to the Mental Health Ward – more than once. I have gone to the counselors, taken the “happy pills” and lived in ‘la-la land” for months at a time. I have been treated for depression and at one time in my life, I did not get out of bed for 6 months.

I have laughed, I have cried, I have believed, and I have doubted. But through it all, God has been faithful. He has made a way for me and my children where there was no way. He has protected me and my children supernaturally, more than once. He has provided for us faithfully – oh the stories I could tell! He has restored my peace of mind. I am no longer taking any ‘happy pills’! I do not hear “the voices” in my head that used to scream things at me, or whisper and laugh at me.

I do not live in the land of shame and guilt anymore, I have changed addresses!

I am not that same person. I have lived free from fear and abuse for the last 8 years, and today I can say, because of Christ – I am free!

Thank you Jesus!

A few years back God even blessed me with a Godly husband, one who encourages and supports me.  We play praise music together every week at Church.  It is rather healthy I have ot say and I am forever grateful.  But I had to learn what healthy relationships were and to establish boundaries in my life.

Today, I do not live in fear. Today I am not a victim of abuse, I am a beloved daughter of the King. I am life that God touched, rescued, and changed. I know that God exists, He saved my soul from the pit,  He protected me and my children and I know He will do it for you too!”

Diana’s Bio 

Diana Rasmussen is a Music Minister, Blogger, Poetess, and Recording Artist who uses her gifts to shed light on the darkness of Domestic Violence. At the beginning of this year, God asked her to ‘quit playing Church’ and start to testify about what He had delivered her from. That was the beginning of Prayers and Promises.

Diana Rasmussen is a Soul Survivor, as many of you are too. Her songs focus on overcoming adversity, breaking free from domestic violence, and living beyond depression. Fans have called her songs, “haunting, powerful, and edgy”. Diana sounds like Annie Lennox and Bonnie Raitt, and there is a raw honesty about her lyrics. Diana has many TOP 10 AWARDS from Broadjam, Inc. in the Country, Folk, Jazz, and World Categories.

Currently Diana leads the Worship Team at Janesville Apostolic Ministries in Janesville, WI. She has been blessed to play with her husband Bob, and sing with many Anointed Singers. Diana has been a Music Minister for the last 20years in various churches, shelters, nursing homes, and community meals in the southern Wisconsin area.

To learn more about Diana go to her website:  http://dianarasmussen.com/

SAFETY PLAN

Spousal Rape – Domestic Violence Awareness

Tags

abuse awareness, Abuse survivors, domestic violence, Domestic Violence Awareness, healing, rape, spousal abuse, spousal rape, survivors of abuse

Having lived through two date rape scenarios I know the terror a heart can suffer at the hands of someone you thought you could trust. To have that someone be the very man who stood before God and vowed to ‘love and cherish’ brings the terror to a whole new level.

Throughout the month of October I’ve been giving survivors of domestic violence a chance to have a voice and given an insight into what happens behind those closed doors. Here is another brave soul who is sharing another common and terrifying aspect of domestic violence – spousal rape.

‘Secret Angel’s Story’

We were newlyweds and had only been married a few months when I planned a romantic evening for my husband. I cooked and had candles lit when I excitedly met him at the door when he got off of work one day. Unfortunately, I did not get the response that I expected.

He was angry! He blew up at me, yelling that he had a bad day. He grabbed me and started yelling that he was going to give “it” to me. He angrily pulled me to the bedroom and threw me on the bed. He kept yelling that I wanted “it” so he was going to give it to me.

He torn my clothes and tore off his. I was yelling “NO” and “STOP”! I kept telling him that I was sorry and would never do it again. I was struggling with him, crying and begging him to stop as he proceeded to try to rape me. He was yelling at me to shut up and quit crying.

Then I heard a shout! I heard someone yell, “What is going on here”? His sister had walked in and stopped him. He angrily told her that I wanted sex so he was going to give it to me. I rolled over and just cried. I was terrified! I had seen a different person than the man that I thought I had married. I had seen a violent side that I had never experienced before. I cried like a baby, crying out to God to forgive me for marrying this man that my family had warned me about.

Who could I call? Who could I tell? I felt trapped. I had moved away from my family to be near him and his family despite many warnings from my family. I was in shock and terrified of his violent outburst. I was afraid to make him mad again. I was his wife and had willingly made love to him previously. But this was not love. This was violent. This was anger. This was control. And unfortunately, it worked. He then had control of me. I had seen what happened when he was mad and I never wanted him to be that mad again.

I had heard all of the debates that a wife was a husband’s property, and he could do what he wanted and when. But, I had witnessed an act of violence that I never wanted to see again. I had begged him to stop but his anger resulted in a total loss of control. Both he and his sister told me that it was my fault. I got the blame for his violence, because I had planned a romantic evening for my new husband. I was now afraid of him. But there was no one that I could talk to. I just cried to God while he slept, careful to not let him hear me and get mad again. He had yelled at me that crying only made him angrier. I was terrified of that violent side of him that I had witnessed and I really did not understand! How could this happen? What had I done?

Secret Angel Bio:

As a former victim of abuse, Secret Angel represents the many nameless and faceless victims of abuse. No one can understand that feeling of being trapped and that feeling of hopelessness–unless they have lived it. Many people cannot understand how this can happen, but victims never choose to be abused. They never want to be victims. They never want to live in fear.

Now, as an overcomer of abuse and domestic violence, Secret Angel is reaching out to help others to also overcome their situations with information and inspiration to see THE LIGHT that led her out of darkness. God rescued her from abuse when she was so broken that she did not even know that she was being abused, and she wants to help others.

Secret Angel Ministry has been founded to reach out to these victims and includes a vision to one day in the future be able to provide Secret Angel Safe Houses for those in immediate safety needs and also Secret Angel Transitional Houses for those who want to have their lives entirely transformed by the Grace of God.

Secret Angel’s book, The Walking Wounded, talks about how abuse happens and how victims become trapped in their situations. It brings understanding to the plight of victims as Secret Angel reveals her own true story, including how God intervened in her life and rescued her… The Walking Wounded is in publication currently and will be released in October of 2013, with a plan for the majority of proceeds to go into ministries that help victims of abuse.

Secret Angel as also written a song about victims of abuse entitled, Walking Wounded, in collaboration with Diana Rasmussen. Proceeds of this song have been pledged to Secret Angel Ministry to help victims of abuse.

Secret Angel Blog

You deserve to be treated with respect. You are worthy and you are loved. If you are in need of help or would like to talk to someone about your situation visit Domestic Violence Hotline www.thehotline.org  or call 1-800-799-7233

TENGO UNA VOZ – JOSE (ABUSO DOMÉSTICO)

Tags

abuse, Abuso, Abuso Domestico, Alspaughs, domestic abuse, domestic abuse awareness month, domestic violence, healing after abuse, Tengo Una Voz

It is my honor to be able to introduce our first “I Have a Voice” video in Spanish. Jose, God bless her, did two versions…one in English and one in Spanish. It is very important to address the cultural differences when we look at an issue such as domestic abuse. In the Hispanic community it has been a much more difficult subject to broach because of what has been historically ‘accepted’ within a marriage.

Everyone deserves a ‘voice’ and the ability to maintain their dignity and worth.

I encourage you to please share both versions of Jose’s video.

 

And in English:

Blessings

Shannon

** Thank you to Rick & Dorothy Alspaugh with Alspaugh’s Ace Hardware for making these “I Have a Voice” video’s possible.**

Domestic Abuse Awareness Month – 3 Steps to Help a Friend in Need

Tags

abuse, domestic abuse, domestic abuse awareness month, domestic violence, healing after abuse, how to help someone who is being abused by a spouse, I have a voice

I strongly encourage everyone to please read through these statistics and watch Jose’s video. Domestic Violence rarely begins in violence…it begins with abuse…mental, psychological abuse.

NATIONAL STATISTICS

From the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

• Every 9 seconds in the US, a woman is assaulted or beaten.12
• On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.1
• 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of [some form of] physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.1
• 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

The statistics speak volumes. It is likely you know someone in your life who needs your support. Here are three steps to take action to help a friend in need:

1. LISTEN – Listen without judgment. Do not question why they stay.
2. ENCOURAGE – Domestic Abuse is predominantly emotional and mental abuse which depletes the self-worth of the victim and keeps them in fear and unable to leave. Build up their esteem and if possible encourage them to get counseling if possible.
3. HELP CREATE A SAFE ESCAPE PLAN – Do the research for them and find the nearest shelter. Call for them and find out what steps are needed to be taken for that particular shelter in order for them to be used as a ‘escape plan’ when and if the victim chooses to leave. Many shelters also offer free counseling. Be willing to go with them to visit the shelter.

Watch, Share and Save a life.

Blessings

Shannon

Don’t Own Another’s Shame (Healing from the Shame of Abuse)

Tags

abuse, date rape, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Faith, gang rape, God's grace, healing, healing after abuse, healing after date rape, not your shame, overcoming abuse, overcoming rape, owning shame, rape, shame

A friend sent me an article yesterday that is stirring up quite a bit of controversy. Rocker, Chrissie Hinde, was ganged raped by a group of motorcyclists when she was in her twenties. She admits to being on drugs at the time and trusted them when they promised they’d give her a ride to a party when instead they took her to an abandoned house and raped her.

Over twenty years later and she continues to own their shame. “If I’m walking around in my underwear and I’m drunk? Who else’s fault can it be?” … But if I’m being very lairy and putting it about and being provocative, then you are enticing someone who’s already unhinged — don’t do that. Come on! That’s just common sense. You know, if you don’t want to entice a rapist, don’t wear high heels so you can’t run from him. If you’re wearing something that says ‘Come and f*** me’, you’d better be good on your feet… I don’t think I’m saying anything controversial am I?”

Read the entire article here.

It breaks my heart to read this article. And yet I know the shame she is owning. Had I not gone to his house when his parents weren’t home. Had I not flirted with him as much as I did. Had I not said the things I said that might have enticed him to take what he wanted. Had I … 1 in 3 of you can fill in your own blank.

I don’t care if Chrissie had been walking NAKED, and stoned out of her mind, those men had NO RIGHT to rape her.

No one, no man or woman (yes women can rape too), has any right to force sex upon another. Even if …. even IF the person says one minute they want to and the next minute they don’t. A person has a right to change their mind. If they say no then they mean no. If they are wishy washy better to let it go and cool off!

Unfortunately, it would be a rare day to get those who have it in their mind to take what they want at any cost to suddenly respect their victim and let them go. I wish I could say we are close to achieving a world where there is no violence or sexual, emotional or physical abuse. I wish. I PRAY.

The enemy has too far a hold on the world as a whole sexuality, therefore there will continue to be even good people that fall into that selfish way. But that is their shame to own, not yours. Not the victims.

Yes, we need to respect ourselves! Yes we need to carry ourselves in such a way that expresses we mean what we say and we claim our dignity. Of course! But you never know the mind of one who has already decided to take what they want regardless of your self-respect and dignity. You could be in a full dress, head to toe robe, and still be a victim of such insidious acts.

As my friend said this weekend, “Don’t allow 15 minutes of abuse to take 30 years of your life.”

Granted for many it isn’t just that moment, that time span. For many I work with it is years… and it claims a powerful hold. But we have to take that power back, at some point we have to say ‘enough is enough’ and not allow those moments of another’s sin and shame to claim our entire lives.

If you need help to unclench your fist from the shame of the abuse please pray this prayer with me:

Heavenly Father, I am weak and weary from fighting this battle to overcome this abuse. I did not ask for this to take over my life. I want my life back. This is their shame and not mine. Please help me to see discard this cloak of shame and put on the brilliant robe of Your LOVE and MERCY. I give them over to You for forgiveness. Help me to not waste another moment of the life I’ve been given to LIVE on the memory of what had been done to me in the past. You have given me a purpose in this world, help me to look ahead to the blessings that are waiting to unfold for me. In Jesus Name I pray – Amen.

 

I am headed to Pittsburgh, PA to do a TV interview on ‘Real Life’ TV www.ctvn.org I have a live interview on the 9am (EST) show and then we are taping another interview. Go on line and check out a possible listing in your area!

Blessings

Shannon
 Get your copy of Shannon Deitz’s personal story, EXPOSED for only $1.99 on Kindle.

If you live in the Kingwood area get your SIGNED copy of EXPOSED and the Hopeful Hearts Charms at Jennika’s on Kings Harbor.

#RAGE – Like a Boiling Tea Kettle (Healing the Anger Within)

Tags

abuse, affects of anger, anger crisis, anger management, controlling anger, domestic violence, Faith, God in control, healing, healing after abuse, healing after tragedy, overcoming our fears, overcoming our rage, rage

**Another flashback…I’m not getting lazy I just realize there are certain posts that might benefit a ‘redo’…I received a comment on this today and it’s an article I wrote nearly three years ago and I realize how pertinent the information remains to this day. Everyone deals with anger…and some of us fail to express the anger in a healthy way which can result in rage. Whether you’ve been abused or not it is good to address what lies within.**

_________________________________

Rage is a strong word.  It conjures up images of big steroid-bloated men with snarls on red faces.   Rage growls.  Rage sneers.  Rage explodes and destroys.

No one wants to associate themselves with rage and yet it’s rage that sneaks up and gets you by surprise.  Rage is a hurt that never healed.  Rage is the mushroom that appears after a heavy rain on the freshly, pristine manicured lawn.  Where did it come from?  How did it bloom so fast?

I’ll be honest there are the few moments when I can spout off like a boiling tea kettle letting off steam and a high-pitched squeal.  Years ago, before I learned to turn to God, before I knew the power of prayer, I harbored boiling rage.   I shouted, hollered, yelled, screamed, pounded my fists against a table, jumped up and down, desperate to release the fuming emotion if in the least to make it go away.

At that time anything and everything set me off.  If it wasn’t within my control, the way I wanted it or would do it, and worse, if you went against what I felt was my truth (‘I swear I remember it this way’, or ‘I never said that’, or ‘That is not how it happened’) it flipped a switch and out came as a fit of rage.

My husband would be instigated by it at times, adding to the chaos  but most often he’d leave me to my own self-destructive behavior.  As many of you know, I didn’t really ‘see’ myself for who I’d become until I had children and saw ‘me’ through my son’s very young and fearful eyes.

I did not want to be the person that made my son look at me with fear.

I certainly didn’t want to perpetuate another cycle of fear and abuse.  That is the moment ‘I died to myself’ and gave all control to God.  “Do with me as you will.”  I remember saying, clearly.

Over a decade later, by the grace of God, I have managed to express anger as anger, frustration as frustration, and sadness as sadness.  Almost.  There are two times I ‘lost it’, yelling, screaming, desperate to be heard, out of control.  Thankfully the voice was all that was raised but it’s as if I was stuck within myself and couldn’t get loose.  I wanted to stop.  To stuff the inflated raft back into the box.

With each of those moments, once calmed down, filled with shame and disgust I would think, “Where did that come from?  I thought I was doing pretty good. I’m over it all.”  It’s like the pristine grass, well cut, nice and green, void of fungus’ and scorched spots, however, a heavy rain passes over and within hours uproots and explosion of mushrooms.

 

Today, as I watched more coverage on the judge from Montana, Judge T. Todd Baugh, I felt anger for the poor victim who chose to take her life before the trial began.   I felt outrage that the prosecuted offender got only 30 days in jail.  And then I felt the water of rage boiling when I heard the judge said “The 14-year-old victim was older than her chronological age.” In effect  saying she asked for it, despite the circumstance of the offender being her teacher, a person in authority over her and double her age.

There are moments when I have to turn the channel or turn these stories off because it makes me so angry.  In fact, I didn’t write about this when it first came out because I couldn’t allow myself to feel the feelings it aroused.  Yet, later today I was working on a project that discussed this concept of rage and I thought about what I felt that morning…and then I thought about one of the two times in 12 years I’ve been blind-sided by the explosion of rage.

The beauty of being able to look back and dig through the filth and dirt of the episodes is that it unearths a truth that can help to prevent an ‘explosion’ from happening again.  In both instances I was digging deep (please excuse my continued puns) within my psyche to release all of the ugly truths of my past so that they could be let go, freeing me from the shame and unworth they harbored.  However, digging that deep and unearthing those ugly seeds also unearthed the emotions that built up over time.

They’d been boiling for so long but the steam had no where to go until the most unexpected moment – a word spoken, a look given, or a situation that ‘triggered’ the emotion and BOOM!

No it’s not an excuse.  I’m ashamed to even admit that this ever happens to me.   Even one time is not good.  But it’s truth.  And I think it needs to be talked about because this type of pent up rage can keep someone from being ‘free’ and if not dealt with it can harm others, most specifically those you love.

For me, when it happened, I talked about it.  I sought the help of a therapist and dealt with the unearthed feelings and emotions.  If you recognize any of these occasional emotional explosions within you I strongly encourage you to tell someone and seek the appropriate help and counsel.

If you need help figuring out how to find that counsel or ways of finding support, please feel free to email me at hopefulhearts333@gmail.com  If you are in the Houston, TX  or Tyler/Longview, TX area there are Maria Goretti Networks that are peer to peer abuse survivor support groups where you can go and talk about these feelings and situations to others that understand.

We are all God’s beloved and we all have the same rights and privileges to better ourselves but we don’t have the right to inflict our shame, anger, frustration, and sadness on the innocent around us.  If you are experiencing these fits of anger and rage on a daily or constant basis, there is no excuse or reasoning to justify the harmful behavior.  I strongly encourage you to remove yourself from your home before more harm is done to the innocent. Give it over to God and go and seek the help you and your family deserve.

Blessings

Shannon

 

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