New Life [Life After Domestic Violence]

Tags

Abuse survivors, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Domestic Violence Awareness, emotional abuse, Faith, forgiveness, healing, Laura White, spirituality, verbal abuse

A few weeks ago when Laura White and I drove to Dallas to film another I Have a Voice video I was immeasurably blessed by the amount of hope and fortitude this woman sitting next to me exuded.  So many times we can take the struggles in our lives, focus on the annoyance and irritation of the circumstance and soon the struggle turns into a life-destroying tragedy.

Here is a woman who has miraculously lived through an unimaginable tragedy which has left her to face numerous daily struggles that could easily suck the second chance of life right out of her.  Instead, she focuses on the beauty in the simple things and though her struggles are both an annoyance and irritation she realizes the fact she can feel these emotions is a gift.

I asked Laura to update us on how she is three years after the incident:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life for Me today after Domestic Violence

My life today for the most part is very rewarding and full of surprises.  I find that my eyes are wide open to all that is going on around me daily.  I watch people to see if I see troubled looks on their faces.  I will glance at the sunset or sunrise and look above to thank God that I am still here to see that beauty displayed.  I watch to see how men are treating women where ever I am, at the grocery store, in restaurants, at the gas station, etc.  I smile when I see an elderly couple holding hands or quietly sitting somewhere talking to each other as they are still best friends.  I listen with joy when my 6 year old grandson tells me about his day at school or the next greatest thing he has seen advertised on a commercial.  I sit back quietly to watch and listen to my 2 children when they are together and feel my heart swell with love and pride for the adults they have become.

I still have so many unanswered questions about what I went through.  I wonder how I could have ever have let myself be treated in such cruel ways.  I look back and realize I do not know who that person was.  There are many days that as I am performing simple tasks such as doing laundry, taking out the trash or trimming the bushes in my front yard that my abuser will enter my thoughts.  I will re-enter those memories by thinking about how I lived in such fear if I didn’t perform such simple tasks correctly.  And then I will remember that how I was supposed to perform a task would change without warning and therefore invoke a barrage of verbal abuse usually followed by condemnation, extreme hatred and anger.  A good example of this was when I was first with my abuser I did some laundry and somehow managed to turn some of his socks pink.  Then another time I did laundry I accidentally threw a tee-shirt of his into the dryer therefore resulting in it shrinking.  My abuser verbally attacked me for weeks on end by saying I was out to get him and that I did it on purpose.  My punishment from there on out was I was not allowed to go anywhere near the washer or the dryer.  I was not even allowed to do my own laundry for 4 years.  If I so much as went out to the garage without stating my purpose beforehand, he would jump up and follow me to make sure I wasn’t touching the washer or dryer.  The good news about my life today is I can do my own laundry or other simple daily tasks without fear.  I enjoy the freedom to do my laundry and if I do turn my socks pink, I laugh because I love pink socks!!!

Anger will re-surface from time to time around the consequences I am faced with because my abuser tried to kill me which resulted in him shooting me.  I so long for my body to feel normal again, but as time passes, the body I have now is beginning to feel normal to me for the most part.  I can walk despite the weakness I have in my left leg due to the permanent nerve damage.  I can handle the stairs in a movie theater now.  I can’t run, hop or jump which leaves me wondering what I will ever do if faced with a situation where I have to flee due to impending danger.  The trauma my body suffered has left me with only 30% function in my kidneys which translates into Chronic Kidney Disease Stage 3.  The next level down would put me in danger of having to do dialysis or even worse, a kidney transplant.  When I first heard this from my doctor, the anger that came to the surface took me by surprise.  I have been able to forgive my abuser for his actions, but I am still very angry deep down about the results of his actions.  I do not sleep at night for more than 2-3 hours at a time.  This is not because I have bad dreams or nightmares about what I went through, it is because due to the loss of 80% of my digestive system, I am dehydrated at all times.  My body has to receive water constantly to keep me out of the hospital.  I naturally wake up every couple of hours to drink water.  I have adjusted to the schedule and will relish the few times I actually sleep for 4-6 hours, but then I have to really work hard to catch up on my water intake.

I will end this with how I started this.  My life to today is full of rewards and surprises.  I have such a feeling of peace and serenity to know that I am not in that abusive relationship today.  I have the courage and determination to never let myself be controlled by another person again.  I can stand up for myself and say no today if it doesn’t feel right and I strive to stand up for others who have experienced abuse firsthand.  I love my body as it is today even with its weaknesses and medical issues.  I can look in the mirror today and when I see my 15 inch scar and notice that I no longer have a belly button I smile and say this is my normal.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you are struggling, offer it up to the Lord and take a look at your day, recognizing the many blessings you’ve been given.

“They that hope in the LORD will renew their strength, they will soar on eagles’ wings; They will run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint.”  Isaiah 40:41

Blessings

Shannon

** If you or someone you know is in a domestic abuse situation and needs help please go to the Domestic Violence Hotline at www.thehotline.org or call 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)**

Spousal Rape – Domestic Violence Awareness

Tags

abuse awareness, Abuse survivors, domestic violence, Domestic Violence Awareness, healing, rape, spousal abuse, spousal rape, survivors of abuse

Having lived through two date rape scenarios I know the terror a heart can suffer at the hands of someone you thought you could trust. To have that someone be the very man who stood before God and vowed to ‘love and cherish’ brings the terror to a whole new level.

Throughout the month of October I’ve been giving survivors of domestic violence a chance to have a voice and given an insight into what happens behind those closed doors. Here is another brave soul who is sharing another common and terrifying aspect of domestic violence – spousal rape.

‘Secret Angel’s Story’

We were newlyweds and had only been married a few months when I planned a romantic evening for my husband. I cooked and had candles lit when I excitedly met him at the door when he got off of work one day. Unfortunately, I did not get the response that I expected.

He was angry! He blew up at me, yelling that he had a bad day. He grabbed me and started yelling that he was going to give “it” to me. He angrily pulled me to the bedroom and threw me on the bed. He kept yelling that I wanted “it” so he was going to give it to me.

He torn my clothes and tore off his. I was yelling “NO” and “STOP”! I kept telling him that I was sorry and would never do it again. I was struggling with him, crying and begging him to stop as he proceeded to try to rape me. He was yelling at me to shut up and quit crying.

Then I heard a shout! I heard someone yell, “What is going on here”? His sister had walked in and stopped him. He angrily told her that I wanted sex so he was going to give it to me. I rolled over and just cried. I was terrified! I had seen a different person than the man that I thought I had married. I had seen a violent side that I had never experienced before. I cried like a baby, crying out to God to forgive me for marrying this man that my family had warned me about.

Who could I call? Who could I tell? I felt trapped. I had moved away from my family to be near him and his family despite many warnings from my family. I was in shock and terrified of his violent outburst. I was afraid to make him mad again. I was his wife and had willingly made love to him previously. But this was not love. This was violent. This was anger. This was control. And unfortunately, it worked. He then had control of me. I had seen what happened when he was mad and I never wanted him to be that mad again.

I had heard all of the debates that a wife was a husband’s property, and he could do what he wanted and when. But, I had witnessed an act of violence that I never wanted to see again. I had begged him to stop but his anger resulted in a total loss of control. Both he and his sister told me that it was my fault. I got the blame for his violence, because I had planned a romantic evening for my new husband. I was now afraid of him. But there was no one that I could talk to. I just cried to God while he slept, careful to not let him hear me and get mad again. He had yelled at me that crying only made him angrier. I was terrified of that violent side of him that I had witnessed and I really did not understand! How could this happen? What had I done?

Secret Angel Bio:

As a former victim of abuse, Secret Angel represents the many nameless and faceless victims of abuse. No one can understand that feeling of being trapped and that feeling of hopelessness–unless they have lived it. Many people cannot understand how this can happen, but victims never choose to be abused. They never want to be victims. They never want to live in fear.

Now, as an overcomer of abuse and domestic violence, Secret Angel is reaching out to help others to also overcome their situations with information and inspiration to see THE LIGHT that led her out of darkness. God rescued her from abuse when she was so broken that she did not even know that she was being abused, and she wants to help others.

Secret Angel Ministry has been founded to reach out to these victims and includes a vision to one day in the future be able to provide Secret Angel Safe Houses for those in immediate safety needs and also Secret Angel Transitional Houses for those who want to have their lives entirely transformed by the Grace of God.

Secret Angel’s book, The Walking Wounded, talks about how abuse happens and how victims become trapped in their situations. It brings understanding to the plight of victims as Secret Angel reveals her own true story, including how God intervened in her life and rescued her… The Walking Wounded is in publication currently and will be released in October of 2013, with a plan for the majority of proceeds to go into ministries that help victims of abuse.

Secret Angel as also written a song about victims of abuse entitled, Walking Wounded, in collaboration with Diana Rasmussen. Proceeds of this song have been pledged to Secret Angel Ministry to help victims of abuse.

Secret Angel Blog

You deserve to be treated with respect. You are worthy and you are loved. If you are in need of help or would like to talk to someone about your situation visit Domestic Violence Hotline www.thehotline.org  or call 1-800-799-7233

Confessions of an Incest and Date Rape Survivor (Healing in Acknowledging the Ugly Truth)

Tags

Abuse survivors, child abuse survivors, date rape, DMV, domestic abuse, Domestic Violence Awareness, healing, healing after abuse, incest survivors, overcoming anger, trusting again

I don’t want to be ‘defined’ consistently as an incest and date rape survivor. Not that I’m ashamed.

Do. Not. Mistake. This. For. Shame.

The shame is not mine. Why should anyone be ashamed for what has been done to them with complete disregard for their well-being?

No, this is not about shame.

I don’t want to have every emotion, or lack there of, to be because of what had once been done to me. But the ugly truth is – it does.

It’s like when someone gets diagnosed with breast cancer, they go through the chemo, fight the good fight, get a clear reading and then 4 years later get cancer in the brain. It’s not brain cancer. It’s still breast cancer. Breast cancer that has come back and spread to the brain.

We can heal from the effects of abuse. Absolutely. We can live normal lives. We can thrive. We can be happy, healthy, God-fearing upstanding men and women in our communities and yet the underlying effects of abuse remain in the thread of our being.

I consider myself confident, self-secure and aware in most areas of my life. However, I am insecure in my marriage and lack the ability to accept unconditional love.

Sounds crazy right? Well, maybe for those who have never been abused in such a way that obliterated the ability to trust completely which hinders intimacy on all levels.

I desire attention and affection but subconsciously run and hide when I receive it. I push away. Cause fights. Listen to the enemies lies so I can feel ‘comfortable’ in a state of internal chaos.

My soul cries out, “Choose me!” “Pick me!” and “Tell me I’m enough.”  But when I’m chosen, picked, and praised I question it. “Do you?”, “Am I really?”

Plagued with feeling selfish I internalize a battle of wills ‘not wanting to’ and then ‘overdoing’ because I have to make others happy – because it is that ‘effect’ (aka: cancer) that lays dormant inside – what I want doesn’t matter.

I find it hard to cry or feel in the most tragic situations. I laugh at the most inappropriate times.

Yes, this is me inside out.

Often when I struggle with the return of this ‘cancer’ it is not always accompanied by a trigger or memory to make me aware, “Hey! This is a dormant effect caused by the abuse that seeped into the delicate lining of your emotional make-up.”

No. Too often we survivors of abuse go through all of these crazy emotional roller-coasters feeling like we are losing it because we’ve worked so hard at overcoming and forgiving the moment(s) of abuse.

The key is in acknowledging our feelings on all levels, at all times, and learning to express them so little by little we can ‘treat’ the affected area appropriately.

I know there are many out there who could be reading this thinking, “Seriously? Why can’t you just get over it?” Now, typically (just typically not 100%) men tend to lean more on the ‘compartmentalized and get over it’ side of ‘dealing with it’ which could be why we hear less from male survivors than female survivors. Yet, I will say I have met a good number of men whom I am very proud of that have stepped forward and acknowledged ‘this happened to me and it still affects me’, and they get help to better themselves.

Abuse is ugly. Overcoming abuse (in all forms, sexual, physical, emotional/mental) and remaining a thriving, healing journey is complicated but absolutely doable. 

Never ever give up because you are worth it!

I would remise if I failed to acknowledge and thank the man in my life who has lived through my crazy (which led him to ‘crazy’ :D) for 22+ years. Thank you Neal! We are both a piece of work but together we can make a masterpiece. (It might look like Picasso…. but still…)

If you are a survivor of abuse and have yet to speak of it or seek help I strongly encourage you to reach out to someone close and tell them your story. If you don’t feel you have a family member, spouse, pastor, priest or friend you can trust please reach out to us. We want to listen and we want to help you on your healing journey.  hopefulhearts333@gmail.com

Blessings

Shannon

Get your copy of Shannon Deitz’s personal story, EXPOSED for only $1.99 on Kindle.

 

 

 

If you live in the Kingwood area get your SIGNED copy of EXPOSED and the Hopeful Hearts Charms at Jennika’s on Kings Harbor

 

 

 

Click HERE to get your tickets to the 2016 Gala!

Real Life – (Healing One Heart at a Time)

Tags

Abuse survivors, CORNERSTONE TV, date rape, domestic abuse, Domestic Violence Awareness, healing, healing after abuse, healing after rape, I have a voice, Real Life, Real Life TV

This week we are in the process of filming three new I Have a Voice Videos! By the grace of God and the gracious donation by Ricl & Dorothy Alspaugh with Alspaughs Ace Hardware and Sterling Events we will be releasing three new videos in October for Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

I’m grateful for Jose’s courage and strength. She blessed us with her courageous story twice! One in English and again in Spanish, addressing the issues of domestic abuse within the hispanic culture.

I didn’t want too much time to go by without sharing with you all interviews I did with Real Life TV (there are two shows!) … one behind the scenes Holy Spirit moment…when you watch the ‘Girls Series’ they put in a video of a situation that went directly with my personal story. This was not intentional…their videos are on a schedule and they did not pick this video for my story yet it flowed perfectly. God is so good!

I would love to hear from you and if you aren’t yet on twitter, join and add me! @ShannonDeitz or @HopefulHeartsMinistry …I have signed onto the world of Periscope (immediate videos).

Grateful for the way the Holy Spirit is moving!

Blessings

Shannon
Get your copy of Shannon Deitz’s personal story, EXPOSED for only $1.99 on Kindle.

 

 

 

JennikasIf you live in the Kingwood area get your SIGNED copy of EXPOSED and the Hopeful Hearts Charms at Jennika’s on Kings Harbor

 

 

What is Love? (Healing Our Hearts)

Tags

Abuse survivors, Domestic Violence Awareness, domestic violence survivors, healing after abuse, healing after betrayal, how do we love, how to accept love, overcoming abuse, overcoming betrayal, what is love

Love is complicated.

My favorite bible verse (often read at weddings…I know I’ve read it a few times in a few weddings) is:

I particularly like this version that reads ‘Love does not insist on its own way’ because, to me, it brings a ‘real life’ feel to living this verse.

You see, love hurts because it is worth the effort. Love heals when it is allowed to flourish in hope. Love is complicated when it is put to the test of endurance.

If I’m to be truthful the most common interpretation of this verse, rather the most complete interpretation, is more difficult because it requires each of us to act in the image we were created – the LOVE of God:

If we are to LOVE like GOD loves us then we are called to be patient, kind, humble and not too proud. We are not to be rude or self-seeking (or self-serving). Sometimes love seems unfair and instead of throwing love away because it feels one sided or not enough we are then called to not be quick to be anger (we are to give one another the benefit of the doubt … or communicate the hurt). And when hurt by the one we love we shouldn’t keep a record of wrongs with the comments such as ‘you always’ or ‘you never’. And if the one you loved has been caught by the enemy in sin we should want to help them out of the sin rather than rejoice in their failure and shame. Love encourages truth. It protects and encourages safety. Love trusts. Love hopes. And love perseveres even in the toughest of times.

I’ve realized something about myself recently and that is I am not sure I have ever known (or shall I say accepted) love that didn’t come with conditions. I hear so many say ‘I want an unconditional love.’ Or I’m led to seek God’s ‘unconditional love’ and yet I realized, most likely first from the abuse incurred at such a young and impressionable age, that to receive love I had to first give something. Or if I didn’t give love in a certain way that pleased the one I loved then the repercussions (whether spoken or unspoken) left me feeling worthless and unlovable.

For me love was innately conditioned (regardless if the ones I loved were truly expecting expectations…I put them on myself regardless and then created resentment and a deeper seeded feeling of worthlessness.)

No more.

Love does not insist on its own way… and that includes me creating it into something its not or allowing any one else to do the same.

You are loved by an infallible God who created you in love and wants nothing for you but to give and receive the same love. Rest today in this truth. Love never fails.

Blessings

Shannon

We are One Body (Healing Day 17 & 18)

Tags

Abuse survivors, Body of Christ, Domestic Violence Awareness, Family time, Family Time Gala, healing, we are one body, Women of Achievement Award

Months ago I received the news I was to be recognized by Family Time, a non-profit organization that helps women who come from domestic violent situations and human trafficking, as a recipient of the Women’s Advocate Award at their Women of Achievement Gala.

At the time I was taken aback, what an honor! I don’t do what I do for the recognition or accolades but it was nice to know that the work Hopeful Hearts Ministry is doing as a whole is being felt and acknowledged within the community.

Because of all that has transpired over the past three months this achievement was pushed aside as real life continued to happen.

Finally the night came, catching me with a near miss of having a dress…till I remembered the trusty Rent-The-Runway sight, scrolled through and found my color and a fit I knew would work. (Literally nearly a week before.)

My friend, Melisa, did my make up and I tried desperately not to look like an 80 year old going to Prom with my hair…which was not working for me.

Neal looked dapper in his Vera Wang tux (quickly rented from Men’s Warehouse) and with the support of good friends, Mitch & Jen Karp,  we whisked away for an evening of good food, some applause and all for a great cause.

Obviously there was great joy in receiving the award, but there was an even greater joy in being surrounded by people who wanted to participate in the accomplishment.

To have a friend give up her entire morning to make sure I could hide my tired eyes and friends who probably would have preferred jeans over suits and heels join me, and a husband who has supported me in this entire endeavor from day one when I decided to come out and have my voice all those years ago that led to doing what I am called to do today was pure joy to my heart.

Just a glimpse of receiving the award:

God surrounds us with exactly who we need in our lives. We are ONE body, ONE body in Christ and we do not stand alone.

Yep, can’t help but share the song.

You are never alone, even when you feel it to your core, remember to look up, He will provide.

Blessings

Shannon

I’m a Man (Healing Day 8)

Tags

Abuse survivors, boys asked to hit a girl, Broken Beautiful by Ellie Holcomb, Domestic Violence Awareness, healing after abuse, how to heal after betrayal, how to heal after tragedy, overcoming betrayal, overcoming depression, overcoming fears, response when boy asked to hit a girl

I was sent this amazing video by a friend and I had to share today. It gave me JOY to hear this young man say “I can’t because I’m a man.”

The only time I’ve been ‘physically’ abused was during the assault when I was 17 (or rather 2 weeks before my 17th birthday as I often recall). That was the first and last time a man had ever laid his hands on me in a violent manner. The effects don’t go away. Obviously what I’ve found through the other assaults I’d incurred was that non-verbal threats, psychological abuse along with the sexual act is just as damaging, if not even more apt to leave a mental ‘scar’ than an actual physical slap. Regardless it’s all bad. And a physical assault can’t be done without the psychological ramifications.

I watched this video and cried. Tears of both sadness and joy.

Sadness because the innocence in these young men (and the young woman) gripped my heart. I wanted to reach into the screen and pull them through so I could give them a hug and say ‘stay forever in this truth’.

Joy because even in the midst of this evil world Jesus can still shine light across the world and bring about what is ‘right’, ‘true’ and ‘kind’.

Another JOY I had today was listening to this song, Broken Beautiful by Ellie Holcomb. LOVE IT.   A friend sent this to me and one of the things I love MOST in this world is MUSIC to lift spirits.

I pray the video and/ or song brought JOY to your day!! Remember, it’s a choice within us to seek the hope, to look up, to smile even when we don’t want to.

Blessings

Shannon

New Life (Life After Domestic Violence)

Tags

domestic abuse, domestic violence, Domestic Violence Awareness, Faith, forgiveness, healing, Laura White, spirituality

**This is a ‘re-run’ but a GOOD one! :D**

A few weeks ago when Laura White and I drove to Dallas to film another I Have a Voice video I was immeasurably blessed by the amount of hope and fortitude this woman sitting next to me exuded.  So many times we can take the struggles in our lives, focus on the annoyance and irritation of the circumstance and soon the struggle turns into a life-destroying tragedy.

Here is a woman who has miraculously lived through an unimaginable tragedy which has left her to face numerous daily struggles that could easily suck the second chance of life right out of her.  Instead, she focuses on the beauty in the simple things and though her struggles are both an annoyance and irritation she realizes the fact she can feel these emotions is a gift.

I asked Laura to update us on how she is three years after the incident:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life for Me today after Domestic Violence

My life today for the most part is very rewarding and full of surprises.  I find that my eyes are wide open to all that is going on around me daily.  I watch people to see if I see troubled looks on their faces.  I will glance at the sunset or sunrise and look above to thank God that I am still here to see that beauty displayed.  I watch to see how men are treating women where ever I am, at the grocery store, in restaurants, at the gas station, etc.  I smile when I see an elderly couple holding hands or quietly sitting somewhere talking to each other as they are still best friends.  I listen with joy when my 6 year old grandson tells me about his day at school or the next greatest thing he has seen advertised on a commercial.  I sit back quietly to watch and listen to my 2 children when they are together and feel my heart swell with love and pride for the adults they have become.

I still have so many unanswered questions about what I went through.  I wonder how I could have ever have let myself be treated in such cruel ways.  I look back and realize I do not know who that person was.  There are many days that as I am performing simple tasks such as doing laundry, taking out the trash or trimming the bushes in my front yard that my abuser will enter my thoughts.  I will re-enter those memories by thinking about how I lived in such fear if I didn’t perform such simple tasks correctly.  And then I will remember that how I was supposed to perform a task would change without warning and therefore invoke a barrage of verbal abuse usually followed by condemnation, extreme hatred and anger.  A good example of this was when I was first with my abuser I did some laundry and somehow managed to turn some of his socks pink.  Then another time I did laundry I accidentally threw a tee-shirt of his into the dryer therefore resulting in it shrinking.  My abuser verbally attacked me for weeks on end by saying I was out to get him and that I did it on purpose.  My punishment from there on out was I was not allowed to go anywhere near the washer or the dryer.  I was not even allowed to do my own laundry for 4 years.  If I so much as went out to the garage without stating my purpose beforehand, he would jump up and follow me to make sure I wasn’t touching the washer or dryer.  The good news about my life today is I can do my own laundry or other simple daily tasks without fear.  I enjoy the freedom to do my laundry and if I do turn my socks pink, I laugh because I love pink socks!!!

Anger will re-surface from time to time around the consequences I am faced with because my abuser tried to kill me which resulted in him shooting me.  I so long for my body to feel normal again, but as time passes, the body I have now is beginning to feel normal to me for the most part.  I can walk despite the weakness I have in my left leg due to the permanent nerve damage.  I can handle the stairs in a movie theater now.  I can’t run, hop or jump which leaves me wondering what I will ever do if faced with a situation where I have to flee due to impending danger.  The trauma my body suffered has left me with only 30% function in my kidneys which translates into Chronic Kidney Disease Stage 3.  The next level down would put me in danger of having to do dialysis or even worse, a kidney transplant.  When I first heard this from my doctor, the anger that came to the surface took me by surprise.  I have been able to forgive my abuser for his actions, but I am still very angry deep down about the results of his actions.  I do not sleep at night for more than 2-3 hours at a time.  This is not because I have bad dreams or nightmares about what I went through, it is because due to the loss of 80% of my digestive system, I am dehydrated at all times.  My body has to receive water constantly to keep me out of the hospital.  I naturally wake up every couple of hours to drink water.  I have adjusted to the schedule and will relish the few times I actually sleep for 4-6 hours, but then I have to really work hard to catch up on my water intake.

I will end this with how I started this.  My life to today is full of rewards and surprises.  I have such a feeling of peace and serenity to know that I am not in that abusive relationship today.  I have the courage and determination to never let myself be controlled by another person again.  I can stand up for myself and say no today if it doesn’t feel right and I strive to stand up for others who have experienced abuse firsthand.  I love my body as it is today even with its weaknesses and medical issues.  I can look in the mirror today and when I see my 15 inch scar and notice that I no longer have a belly button I smile and say this is my normal.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you are struggling, offer it up to the Lord and take a look at your day, recognizing the many blessings you’ve been given.

“They that hope in the LORD will renew their strength, they will soar on eagles’ wings; They will run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint.”  Isaiah 40:41

Blessings

Shannon

** If you or someone you know is in a domestic abuse situation and needs help please go to the Domestic Violence Hotline at www.thehotline.org or call 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)**

Search for Purple Cows (Domestic Violence Awareness Book Review)

Tags

A Search for Purple Cows, domestic violence, Domestic Violence Awareness, Susan Call

Perfect timing to finish reading “A Search for Purple Cows” a true story of hope.

“A wife and mother’s amazing journey from darkness into a life fully restored in God’s light.

A whimsical comment from a kind stranger, ‘Be sure to search for purple cows,’ brings hope to a woman and her children fleeing from a life filled with trouble. In A Search for Purple Cows, Susan Call reveals to the world how painful a relationship can be when love deteriorates into a cycle of abuse and betrayal.”

A Search for Purple Cows captured my attention from the first page.  Sarah Call is honest and raw as she depicts in great detail the process of being emotionally imprisoned within the four walls of her home.  Sarah’s story pushes aside all ill-informed assumptions of women entangled in domestic violence.  There were moments within her story my heart would race because I could completely understand what kept her feet planted instead of running out the door.

“The book began from my desire to share the incredible hope and inspiration I found through the challenging experiences of my life’s journey,” Call explained. “Although many people can relate directly to portions of my story, my hope is that the book will inspire others, regardless of their own life situations. I am thankful that Guideposts gave me this opportunity.”

Call’s many personal encounters with the God who saves is what I enjoyed most about this book.  God caught her attention through a local radio program and her spirit caught on and never let go.  There were moments when she literally heard a whisper instructing her to do something that most certainly saved her life, or at least kept her from an extreme beating.

A Search for Purple Cows is a read for teens and adults educating us all on the truth about emotional and physical domestic violence and most importantly, the saving Grace of God.

Call holds a Masters in Science Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Eastern Nazarene College in Massachusetts. She also holds a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Computer Science from    in Pennsylvania and has studied at Vilundaskolan and Uppsala University in Sweden. She is conversant in Swedish.

A devout Christian, Call now lives in southern New Hampshire with her husband, Jim, and their blended family of five children. She recently launched a blog (www.SusanCall.com) and is available for speaking engagements. When not sharing her story with others, the author enjoys developing her photography skills.

Buy the book and be a part of spreading awareness on domestic violence.

My day was complete when I read this bible verse: “Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians: 12:10

It is in our weakness that He is strong… Praise God.

Blessings

Shannon

Spousal Rape – Domestic Violence Awareness

Tags

domestic violence, Domestic Violence Awareness, healing, rape, spousal abuse, spousal rape

Having lived through two date rape scenarios I know the terror a heart can suffer at the hands of someone you thought you could trust. To have that someone be the very man who stood before God and vowed to ‘love and cherish’ brings the terror to a whole new level.

Throughout the month of October I’ve been giving survivors of domestic violence a chance to have a voice and given an insight into what happens behind those closed doors. Here is another brave soul who is sharing another common and terrifying aspect of domestic violence – spousal rape.

‘Secret Angel’s Story’

We were newlyweds and had only been married a few months when I planned a romantic evening for my husband. I cooked and had candles lit when I excitedly met him at the door when he got off of work one day. Unfortunately, I did not get the response that I expected.

He was angry! He blew up at me, yelling that he had a bad day. He grabbed me and started yelling that he was going to give “it” to me. He angrily pulled me to the bedroom and threw me on the bed. He kept yelling that I wanted “it” so he was going to give it to me.

He torn my clothes and tore off his. I was yelling “NO” and “STOP”! I kept telling him that I was sorry and would never do it again. I was struggling with him, crying and begging him to stop as he proceeded to try to rape me. He was yelling at me to shut up and quit crying.

Then I heard a shout! I heard someone yell, “What is going on here”? His sister had walked in and stopped him. He angrily told her that I wanted sex so he was going to give it to me. I rolled over and just cried. I was terrified! I had seen a different person than the man that I thought I had married. I had seen a violent side that I had never experienced before. I cried like a baby, crying out to God to forgive me for marrying this man that my family had warned me about.

Who could I call? Who could I tell? I felt trapped. I had moved away from my family to be near him and his family despite many warnings from my family. I was in shock and terrified of his violent outburst. I was afraid to make him mad again. I was his wife and had willingly made love to him previously. But this was not love. This was violent. This was anger. This was control. And unfortunately, it worked. He then had control of me. I had seen what happened when he was mad and I never wanted him to be that mad again.

I had heard all of the debates that a wife was a husband’s property, and he could do what he wanted and when. But, I had witnessed an act of violence that I never wanted to see again. I had begged him to stop but his anger resulted in a total loss of control. Both he and his sister told me that it was my fault. I got the blame for his violence, because I had planned a romantic evening for my new husband. I was now afraid of him. But there was no one that I could talk to. I just cried to God while he slept, careful to not let him hear me and get mad again. He had yelled at me that crying only made him angrier. I was terrified of that violent side of him that I had witnessed and I really did not understand! How could this happen? What had I done?

Secret Angel Bio:

As a former victim of abuse, Secret Angel represents the many nameless and faceless victims of abuse. No one can understand that feeling of being trapped and that feeling of hopelessness–unless they have lived it. Many people cannot understand how this can happen, but victims never choose to be abused. They never want to be victims. They never want to live in fear.

Now, as an overcomer of abuse and domestic violence, Secret Angel is reaching out to help others to also overcome their situations with information and inspiration to see THE LIGHT that led her out of darkness. God rescued her from abuse when she was so broken that she did not even know that she was being abused, and she wants to help others.

Secret Angel Ministry has been founded to reach out to these victims and includes a vision to one day in the future be able to provide Secret Angel Safe Houses for those in immediate safety needs and also Secret Angel Transitional Houses for those who want to have their lives entirely transformed by the Grace of God.

Secret Angel’s book, The Walking Wounded, talks about how abuse happens and how victims become trapped in their situations. It brings understanding to the plight of victims as Secret Angel reveals her own true story, including how God intervened in her life and rescued her… The Walking Wounded is in publication currently and will be released in October of 2013, with a plan for the majority of proceeds to go into ministries that help victims of abuse.

Secret Angel as also written a song about victims of abuse entitled, Walking Wounded, in collaboration with Diana Rasmussen. Proceeds of this song have been pledged to Secret Angel Ministry to help victims of abuse.

Secret Angel Blog

You deserve to be treated with respect. You are worthy and you are loved. If you are in need of help or would like to talk to someone about your situation visit Domestic Violence Hotline www.thehotline.org  or call 1-800-799-7233

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