Leslie’s Journey – Taking Her Life Back

Tags

Abuse survivors, Faith, healing, healing after an abduction, healing after rape, healing from PTSD, overcoming abuse, PTSD sufferers, rape survivor

How often do we  get through life pushing our past into dark hidden corners, stuffing it into tight spots, shoving it into closets praying no one will ever find the secret fear, shame, and guilt the past harbors?

Survivors of abuse, any abuse, are pro’s at shoving, stuffing, and hiding… and then we are shocked when we realize the ugly remnants of our past have actually seeped out into our reactions and responses over the past 10, 20, 30 years. So we finally talk about it.

Our voice arises from the dark hidden places and much to our surprise we realize how freeing it is to be heard. We desire to conquer the past, to put it behind us once and for all, no longer harboring any undo fear, or guilt and shame that is simply not ours to store and carry.

When this process takes place, this is when the survivor moves to thriver. And it’s a beautiful sight.

This week I have the great honor and blessing of joining one survivor, Leslie, on a journey of taking her life back. She’s unearthed her past, spoken on the various abuses she’s been through and finally wants to face head on the one incident in her life that had held her captive for many years.

We are going to the mountains in Colorado where Leslie was abducted and held for five days. It was around 1984, 24-year-old Leslie applied for a job through an employment agency working for a new car dealership in Amarillo, TX. She was under the impression she was to help go to car auctions and drive them back to the dealership.

Having landed the job, Leslie, along with two other young women and a young man (under age, 17 who had lied about his age to get the job) headed out to Colorado with their employer, David Benz ( who at the time gave a fake name).

Traveling the ten hours to Colorado no one suspected that the man behind the wheel was a convicted kidnapper and rapist. He had escaped from the Pueblo Mental Institute out of Pueblo, CO.

For the next five days these young people were held captive in the mountains of Colorado. And this week, Leslie and I are going back to the area she’d tried to keep hidden in her past for so long.

Join this brave survivor, as she takes back her past and courageously reclaims her present and future.  Where we will be staying might not have the proper internet to be able to post … please stay tuned as I plan to help Leslie capture this time in the way she sees fit to share.

Blessings

Shannon

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Being Heard (Part 3 of an Incest Survivor’s Journey to Healing)

Tags

child abuse, Duggars, Faith, family secrets, healing after abuse, healing after rape, healing families, incest survivors, overcoming abuse, overcoming tragedy

Looking back I realized I never fully processed what happened that day at my grandfather’s memorial service. The next day I wrote a short paragraph about traveling another 11 hours home and how Heather was the perfect person to be with me on this trip. But I didn’t write what I felt about having my voice.

It’s been two years {now three as of May 2016} since this journey and I can look back on it with gratitude, respect for putting myself out there, and respect for my uncles as well for doing the best they could to open up and show me that they always had loved and supported me.

That day during the memorial service I was a 4 year old with ants in her pants. The officiate went on and on about the service my grandfather provided to the town and his church. When it was implied that my grandfather did his daily readings and was diligent in his bible study heat rose to my cheeks. If he was a faithful Christian then why did he blame what he did on us? Why wouldn’t he acknowledge his sinful ways and show us mercy instead of spite? The accolades went on for what felt like forever. I couldn’t take it anymore – I stuck my tongue out in disgust and rolled my eyes. An elderly woman sitting adjacent to me saw it all and gave me a puzzled look. I’m sure she was thinking what is this grown woman doing acting like a petulant child?

My uncles stood up one by one to give their personal eulogies for their father. The child in me wanted to plug her ears, rock back and forth and hum so I didn’t have to hear another word…but the adult won over and I listened to stories of an attentive father who taught them valuable lessons in life. I heard of a father greatly missed…and I recognized how difficult it must have been for them to rectify that man with the monster their sister and nieces were claiming hid within him. My hardened heart began to thaw for my uncles.

The service was over and everyone exited the building to do the gun salute for the service my grandfather gave to the Air Force. I stayed inside and held onto my nephew, Riley. He was the perfect comfort needed…I could hold him close and not feel vulnerable. I put Riley on my hip and walked up to the front of the room where my grandfather’s ashes rest among pictures of him and the family (including my mother).

“You hurt me deeply. Because of what you did to me to satisfy your own evil and sick desires I lived a life feeling like I didn’t matter. It didn’t matter how I felt or what I felt I had to please others because that was what I felt I was made to do. If it hurt me or didn’t feel right to me it didn’t matter. What you did to me tainted my understanding of what love is and should be and it kept me from receiving unconditional love because I never knew how to love without conditions. Your selfish ways affected me in so many areas of my life but I am not going to allow you to take any more of my life.”

I stared at the face of the man who took advantage of my innocence and at the same time I saw the smile I adored, the salt & pepper crazy flat top, and an arrow of nostalgic memories hit me of the man God created…not the monster the enemy formed. Riley nuzzled his head into my shoulder and I hugged him closer.

“Goodbye grandpa.”

That evening I went to dinner with my uncles and tentatively a few of them talked about the gap in time we all missed since my mother came forward. They had all dispersed, never getting together again for family reunions. It hadn’t dawned on me that none of my aunts were there at the funeral, nor were my cousins. The picture I’d painted of this unified front of ‘them’ against ‘us’ was formed only out of hurt and pain. It wasn’t real. My heart went out to this family that had been torn apart by one’s selfishness and weakness against the enemy.

A few weeks later my mother met up with her uncles for a reunion, the first they’d all been together in 20 years.

I know that sometimes people don’t ‘talk’ because they don’t want to tear the family apart or ruin the family name…but if we don’t talk of the evil that is happening behind closed doors then it will continue to remain from generation to generation. To set the family ‘free’ every voice needs to be heard. Beyond all else the victims deserve to know they are worth championing.

I pray this ‘journey’ down my own healing path has given some inside look of the delicate web weaved in a family plagued by incest.

Blessings

Shannon

  Read more from Shannon’s first memoir (the early years) EXPOSED: Inexcusable Me…Irreplaceable Him

(Revisited) – The Final Nail in the Coffin (Part I of an Incest Survivor’s Journey)

Tags

Abuse survivors, As We Forgive Those, Charles F. Fink, forgiveness, healing from abuse, how to forgive, how to heal, incest survivors, overcoming abuse, overcoming sexual assault, Sexual Assualt Awareness Month

Because we have finished REDEEMED and I left off with the discovery of the memories with my grandfather, I felt some you might be interested in reading about the journey I took to his memorial service and have my ‘voice’.

~~~~~~~~

“Your grandfather died at 10:10pm.”  the text read.  It was 3:45am and I’d just woken up to go to my Friday 4:00am adoration hour.  I felt nothing.   I reread the text in the bathroom and still felt nothing.  Mechanically I dressed and headed to adoration.

When I arrived I saw two vehicles in the parking lot, the truck that belonged to the man who has the hour before me and the other car belonged to the older gentleman that comes in every morning to say a rosary.  Interesting fact, he was in the navy, as was my grandfather, and every time I see him I’ve wondered if they could have maybe been on the same ship.  They are the same age.  When I saw his car I thought to myself, “God I really don’t want to find out this man was buddies with my grandfather.”

In the chapel I knelt to pray and I had no words.  Instead I asked God to seep through me in any way possible.  I remembered, then, that the other couple that has the hour with me was not going to be there and the older gentleman who was praying the rosary usually comes at 4:30am but he was already done and within a few minutes walking out the door.  I had the chapel alone for the entire hour.

I allowed my thoughts to go wherever they needed and then finally pulled out the book I’d been sent by an author, Charles F. Fink,  who’d contacted me last week.  It’s called “As We Forgive Those“.

Two paragraphs in I knew God’s hand was all over this day.  Pen in hand I was marking, underlining, starring sections and nodding my head in agreement and understanding.  This book was about forgiveness but in a light that I needed to embrace.  For example,  Fink says:

 

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“Understanding is used too often as a convenient means to avoid and sidestep the process of acknowledging the hurts and wounds (which makes forgiving more effective).  We cannot truly forgive until we admit that the offense is as wounding as it really is, and therefore really does need to be forgiven.  When understanding becomes the substitute not only for forgiving but for sharing about feelings, healing does not occur.”

BAM! Right there in black and white this man was calling me out and I was listening.  There is so much more that this book has to offer but I was only able to get up to Chapter Two so far…I’m certain you will be hearing more of my ‘revelations’ as I continue to read.

However, this resonated through the day as I spoke with my mother who expressed her lack of desire to attend her father’s funeral.  The first of his ‘victims’ (or that we know of as his ‘first’) she received her closure long ago.  My older sister, yet another victim, displayed mixed emotions remembering the funny, charismatic side of my grandfather that was the ‘good’ side of his character and yet can’t erase the ugly.  “I cried,” she said.  “But I don’t need to go.  I received closure when I went to grandmother’s funeral and confronted him.  He admitted what he did to me but didn’t apologize.”   My younger sister is indifferent all together when he chose to write us all off when my mother ‘came out’ and released the skeletons from the closet.

Me?  Well I sat for most of the day trying to rationalize why I had this deep seeded need to go to this man’s funeral.  Not necessarily for him but for me.  Neal didn’t understand, worried for me and for my true intentions.  He didn’t get it.  He supports me if I go but is simply worried.  Surprisingly it’s my younger sister’s significant other, Heather, that ‘gets it’.  She offered to go with me because she doesn’t think I should be alone.

My friends expressed their love and concern telling me to pray and God would reveal what I should do.  And that is what I did.  Would you know that I received a phone call from Dr. ‘C’ who is over the Right to Life for our Archdiocese to talk about the Maria Goretti Network.  In this phone conversation, once we dealt with the ‘business’ aspect, we were talking about the people we work with, the raw emotions, the need for healing, etc.  “May I ask you a personal question?” I said.

“Yes, of course,” she replied.

And so I told her about what has been going on with me over these last few months and how my grandfather passed away last night.

“Oh,” she said, “I bet you feel the need to go and put the final nail in the coffin so to speak?”

This rush of peace swept over me.  “Yes! exactly.  I don’t know why but I feel like I need to go.”

“Of course,” she said.  “You haven’t seen or heard from him in years and especially since all your memories came back.  You need to go and see that he is dead.  Pray and say what you need to say and leave.  That’s it.”

There it was, my answer and my validation.  So I took Heather up on her offer.  One catch with Heather…she doesn’t fly.    So we will be driving to New Mexico and we are going to take my little 6 mo. old nephew, Riley, per my request.   What a better way to end this ‘Sexual Assault Awareness and Childhood Abuse Awareness Month’ don’t you think?  You won’t want to miss those blogs!

It is a crazy situation but the purpose is for healing and forgiveness.

Blessings

Shannon

FINAL DAY to get your copy of Shannon’s memoir for FREE.

Stand Strong and Carry On

Tags

abuse, assault, empty nest, family, healing after abuse, jury trials, justice system, kids leaving home, overcoming abuse, parenting

Last week was a difficult one. It began with me taking Ryan on some university tours. They were great universities and it has encouraged Ryan as he ends his junior year, but for me it unearthed anxieties I never thought I’d have. My babies will be leaving the nest soon and I don’t like it :(.

Tuesday night Ryan came into the room and handed me a letter. He wrote it on his junior retreat in January. He conveniently failed to give it to us. It began with “Dear Neal and Shannon” and then went on to very sweetly talk about how much he loved us and that he knows he’ll be leaving soon and wants to make sure we spend more family time together.

Neal and Shannon? No more ‘mom and dad’? Leaving us?

‘www.off-the-merry-go-round.com’

My heart sped up and then seemed to come apart like a thousand heavy weights in my chest. When he goes away will he come back? I couldn’t help but think about the early years of his life when I wished and prayed for the ‘next stage’ hoping one day to be ‘free’ again. Tears fell warm on my cheeks. “I take it all back. I don’t want to be ‘Shannon’ I want to be ‘mom’,” I prayed. I heard my phone buzz on the nightstand.

It was a text from Ryan, “I love you so much Mom. I hope you always know that.”

“Always” I replied. “My love for you will never end and I’ll never stop being your mom!”

I didn’t picture myself as the parent crying over her child leaving the nest but here I was 14 months away from his graduation and I’m already a blubbering fool.

Thursday wrapped up the week with a full day in court. A survivor I’ve been helping asked me to accompany her to court…she was the state prosecution’s main witness in a class c assault charge against her soon to be ex-husband. He refused to pay the fine because he doesn’t want to have the assault charge on his record so for the past two months we’ve been called into court only to have the court date changed by his lawyers. However, Thursday was the day and he insisted on a jury by trial.

We were in court from 8am to 8:45pm when the jury finally came up with a verdict. I won’t go into specifics of the case, however, I will say it was one instance of many that led my friend to create a safe room in the house, receive gun training (after leaving the house), and keeping her location secret.

Unfortunately, the trial began with an all male jury. The prosecution had no other option as most of the women admitted to having been involved with a similar instance in their personal life, or could not be ‘partial’.

I won’t say what happened was because of an all male jury, however, with the soon to be ex-husband’s entourage of high-priced lawyers doing everything they could to tear her down and make her seem ‘dramatic’ it was not surprising to hold her hand and hear, “The jury finds —— not guilty.”

My heart fell. I squeezed her hand tighter, “You are strong and this makes no difference to what God has in store for your life.”

Yes, it’s unfair. No doubt. I remember when my rape case went to the grand jury and they notified him to come in and speak for himself but they did not notify me of the opportunity. I simply received a phone call saying my case was ‘no billed’. Unfair.

NO, I’m not happy with the justice system. Nope. Not all.

I cried on the way home. And then I felt God wrap me in His peace. “Carry on. You are doing what I’ve called you to do to spread the truth of abuse and spread awareness of it’s true effects. Never give up.”

This week I am meeting with Ryan’s drama group to talk about the truth on sexual assault. Thank you for your input and thoughts. I reached out and the drama teacher jumped at the opportunity for me to come in.

Never give up on what God is calling you to achieve in life.

Blessings

Shannon

“The Weakness of God is Stronger than Human Strength”

Tags

Believing God, child abuse survivors, Corinth, dispelling the lies of the enemy, encouragement, Faith, healing, healing for survivors, inspiration, knowing God's truth, Lent journey, overcoming abuse, survivors, survivors of abuse

** I know at times many of these posts get put out there but I felt as we are in the middle of Lent that this would be another great one to share to remind us of where the source of our strength comes from.**

_________________________

I’m still here.

Held up by God’s strength at times, but I rest knowing being close to Him is probably the best place I’ve been in a long, long time.

A fellow survivor wrote me after the last post and said, “You are being too hard on yourself.”

Possibly.

Since taking on this ministry I’ve gone from sharing my ‘experiences’ in God ‘showing up’ to feeling pulled to make sure what came from here was ‘inspirational’. The first was on my heart with no goal of even one person reading and the second, though also from my heart, morphed into writing for the proverbial ‘reader’ that would somehow share and bring more readers and more ‘likes’. Soon I was ‘advised’ to write on this topic, and that article and, though many I wanted to, there were times I didn’t.

 

Devastated by loss. Disheartened by betrayal. Disillusioned in the meaning of Christianity. Was it a good time for me to be ‘ON AIR’?

I sat down to pray in the seconds before the interview. “Lord, let it be Your Word and not my own. I’m mad, angry, hurt and defeated now but I still know YOU will overcome in the end.”

I believed every word.

This prayer is what has held me up out of the raging seas and into His warm embrace.

It is hard to write when you don’t feel ‘inspired’. Therefore, being ‘inspirational’ turns into a feeling of insecurity and fans the flames of not feeling ‘good enough’. Lies of the enemy.

Last night in prayer I cried out to God and asked Him to let me know if I needed to ‘hang my hat’ maybe this isn’t for me after all. Am I really ‘inspiring’ anyone? Boohoo, right? Wha wha… whoa-es me.

Could I feel sorry for myself any more??

At 6am I woke to check my emails and found an email from a survivor.  One line that made me put on my big girl panties this morning and realize God’s wisdom is greater than mine…even his weakness is greater than any strength I could muster.

“Your sharing of your story, your truth, was very powerful. I especially liked the part where you defended the (any) abused child by saying “it’s not right”  (to take away the voice of a child). That really hit home and I was moved by your honesty, courage, and willingness to stand up for and speak out on behalf of the abused child…This ministry that you are living and participating in is very, very powerful and important and needed.  I just want to thank you very much for doing what you are doing, for saying “yes” to this work, and for standing up for the abused child.”

I couldn’t (and certainly wouldn’t) make it up if I wanted. JUST SHOW UP…right??? HE SHOWS UP? We just need to LISTEN…and give ourselves a break. I AM A SURVIVOR. And when I get asked ‘how do you do it’? I need to remind myself and everyone else it is one moment, one day at a time. We CAN and will overcome but there might be moments we ‘fall’ into the ‘old habits’ of being a victim. The key is to allow God to catch you in his arms and NOT be so hard on yourself. Look…I’m still working on it.

For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength. 1 Corinthians 1:20-24

As survivors the ONLY way we CAN continue to thrive and ENJOY life beyond our past is to be honest about where we are at in the moment, to seek help, good counsel, and rely on God’s strength. Practicing on a daily basis to recognize the lies of the enemy over the truth of His loving word and promise. This is how I ‘do’ it.

Blessings

Shannon

REDEEMED Ch. 5 A Hardened Heart

Tags

abuse, books on marriage, healing after abuse, intimacy issues, living with a partner who's been abused, marriage, marriage issues, overcoming abuse, redeemed, Redeemed by Shannon M. Deitz, verbal abuse

Deeper into the journey of healing we go.

For those of you who can relate to past experiences of abuse in any form, it is my prayer that you receive with great hope that no matter where you are in this very moment on your journey, each day God gives you renewed strength, endurance, and the capability to overcome.

Many of my younger years as a wife and mother were held captive by displaced anger and depression. Reliving these chapters I can easily wish I knew then what I know now…but the only reason why I am who I am today is because of the journey getting to this point. And in twenty years when I’m sixty-two I’m certain I’ll feel the same looking back at my journals today.

REDEEMED Ch. 5 Blog Release

I’d love to hear from you, feel free to leave comments anonymously.

Blessings

Shannon

Neal, Ryan and I at my sister’s wedding.

It’s Your Choice to Be on the Journey to Heal

Tags

child abuse, choose healing, domestic abuse, healing, healing after abuse, holiday blues, holiday triggers, overcoming abuse, overcoming suffering, sexual abuse, sexual assault, suffering, surviving holidays

It is the Christmas holidays and I know so many of you are trying desperately to be in the season. Maybe this year being around family won’t cause an anxiety attack. Maybe this year rest and relaxation won’t seem as threatening as over obligation. Maybe this year the nightmares will stop stealing dreams. Maybe this year joy can be genuine rather than a glimmer of an unattainable feeling.

I know this because survivor after survivor have been in the office or on the phone sharing these very sentiments during this holiday season. Suffering can be debilitating. It has vices like shackles on the feet chained to fear and self-deprecation.

We cheat ourselves by believing the lie that there is no other truth to how a holiday season can be, that there can never be the joy longed for, the relaxation needed, or that others will still be happy even when we can’t fulfill their every need. Lies. Simple yet overpowering lies.

The only way to moving beyond the lies is making the choice to heal.

Thinking about this today I realized how much partaking on the journey to heal can be paralleled with the journey to sobriety for an addict. For an addict to conquer the demon of the addiction they have to make a personal choice to get the help needed. If they are forced, coerced, or convicted to go to rehab for others and not for themselves the likely hood that they’ll end up back in the addiction is nearly 90%.

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It is the same for survivors of abuse to find freedom in healing. True healing. Healing that leads to an inner JOY. And, yes, I’m referring to myself! Healing is a process. A journey. I made my choice to be done with lies years ago and I was healed. It worked but as with any addict who has finally kicked the habit they too have to remain on their journey to grow and ‘work the program’ so they don’t slip into a relapse.

Same with healing,  as I’ve matured, learned and grown in knowledge I’ve finally come to actual processes and programs that help release some of the vices that have held on tighter than others.

It all begins with that CHOICE. To finally being DONE with allowing the shame, memories, and debilitating fears keep you from freedom and the inner joy you were created to embrace.

There are 11 days left in Advent…in this time of ‘preparing’ for the coming of Jesus Christ. If you are still ‘shackled’ in the grips of suffering consider the greatest gift you can give yourself this Christmas. Say a  personal prayer every day from this day till Christmas for God to prepare your heart with the courage needed to make the choice to embrace the change healing brings.

If you want to discuss this more, I’d be honored to join you on your journey of healing. Email me at hopefulhearts333@gmail.com

Blessings

Shannon

One Word

Tags

Abuse survivors, emotional abuse, Ephesians 4:29, harsh words, healing words, overcoming abuse, power of words, survivors, verbal abuse, words, words hurt

I’ve written dozens of posts that encourage and proclaim ‘Use Your Voice!’, however, I realize there are select moments when our words should be chosen wisely.

There is strength and power behind our words. Words can heal, uplift, encourage, console, council, and teach. In the same breath (sentence) the words chosen can bruise, scar, discourage, belittle, harm, and simple ruin a good mood in a second.

Just one word, especially in the English language, can hold a dozen variations of meanings that it is imperative to hear the infliction behind it and understand the context that surrounds it or else it can be misconstrued and cause havoc in the person who ‘hears’ or ‘reads’ it.

For instance – ‘OK’ –  Is it that ‘You are ‘ok” good, or ‘ok’ frustrated? or ‘ok’ indifferent, or ‘ok’ happy, or ‘ok’ mad?

In this day and age of texting I find that there is an even greater disconnect among us because battles are being fought, decisions are being made and revelations are being born all without the emotion. Every text received depends on the person’s emotional state when receiving it as to whether or not it is taken in the context it was intended.

Texting isn’t always the culprit. We can be face to face with someone and have our words misconstrued because of the emotional state of the person who is on the receiving end. I’ll be the first to admit this is something I have to work on personally. If I’m upset and haven’t voiced my emotions and someone says something to me that can either be harmless or confrontational …I tend to go to the confrontational. I believe this is because I’ve often felt ‘not good enough’ so it is an innate reaction to assume I’m being attacked when reality is much more kind.

Ephesians 4:29

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Life is a process of stumbling, falling, getting back up and learning from the experience. The idea is to learn to take a different route or walk in a different way so as not to keep stumbling and falling along the way.

How simple would it be for all of us on our life journey to be a little more intentional with our words in order to lift others up instead of causing them to stumble along the way? And in our texts…if we need to discuss something important – PICK UP THE PHONE and talk so that emotion can be heard and felt. Oh, and don’t allow ‘texting’ to become your passive aggressive crutch. ‘I didn’t mean it like that’…when you know you did.  (We’ve all done it so don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.)

 

Blessings
Shannon

What Is Hopeful Hearts Ministry? (Healing in Helping Others)

Tags

Abuse survivors, giving hope, healing, helping survivors of abuse, hope, hopeful hearts ministry, overcoming abuse, periscope video, thriving after abuse

I did this short video on Periscope a week ago and wanted to share it with all of you who might still wonder ‘What IS Hopeful Hearts Ministry’? Or even how it all began. WARNING I did this all natural… And I began a little too high pitched…but I am my worst critic. Don’t judge!

Blessings

Shannon

Don’t Own Another’s Shame (Healing from the Shame of Abuse)

Tags

abuse, date rape, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Faith, gang rape, God's grace, healing, healing after abuse, healing after date rape, not your shame, overcoming abuse, overcoming rape, owning shame, rape, shame

A friend sent me an article yesterday that is stirring up quite a bit of controversy. Rocker, Chrissie Hinde, was ganged raped by a group of motorcyclists when she was in her twenties. She admits to being on drugs at the time and trusted them when they promised they’d give her a ride to a party when instead they took her to an abandoned house and raped her.

Over twenty years later and she continues to own their shame. “If I’m walking around in my underwear and I’m drunk? Who else’s fault can it be?” … But if I’m being very lairy and putting it about and being provocative, then you are enticing someone who’s already unhinged — don’t do that. Come on! That’s just common sense. You know, if you don’t want to entice a rapist, don’t wear high heels so you can’t run from him. If you’re wearing something that says ‘Come and f*** me’, you’d better be good on your feet… I don’t think I’m saying anything controversial am I?”

Read the entire article here.

It breaks my heart to read this article. And yet I know the shame she is owning. Had I not gone to his house when his parents weren’t home. Had I not flirted with him as much as I did. Had I not said the things I said that might have enticed him to take what he wanted. Had I … 1 in 3 of you can fill in your own blank.

I don’t care if Chrissie had been walking NAKED, and stoned out of her mind, those men had NO RIGHT to rape her.

No one, no man or woman (yes women can rape too), has any right to force sex upon another. Even if …. even IF the person says one minute they want to and the next minute they don’t. A person has a right to change their mind. If they say no then they mean no. If they are wishy washy better to let it go and cool off!

Unfortunately, it would be a rare day to get those who have it in their mind to take what they want at any cost to suddenly respect their victim and let them go. I wish I could say we are close to achieving a world where there is no violence or sexual, emotional or physical abuse. I wish. I PRAY.

The enemy has too far a hold on the world as a whole sexuality, therefore there will continue to be even good people that fall into that selfish way. But that is their shame to own, not yours. Not the victims.

Yes, we need to respect ourselves! Yes we need to carry ourselves in such a way that expresses we mean what we say and we claim our dignity. Of course! But you never know the mind of one who has already decided to take what they want regardless of your self-respect and dignity. You could be in a full dress, head to toe robe, and still be a victim of such insidious acts.

As my friend said this weekend, “Don’t allow 15 minutes of abuse to take 30 years of your life.”

Granted for many it isn’t just that moment, that time span. For many I work with it is years… and it claims a powerful hold. But we have to take that power back, at some point we have to say ‘enough is enough’ and not allow those moments of another’s sin and shame to claim our entire lives.

If you need help to unclench your fist from the shame of the abuse please pray this prayer with me:

Heavenly Father, I am weak and weary from fighting this battle to overcome this abuse. I did not ask for this to take over my life. I want my life back. This is their shame and not mine. Please help me to see discard this cloak of shame and put on the brilliant robe of Your LOVE and MERCY. I give them over to You for forgiveness. Help me to not waste another moment of the life I’ve been given to LIVE on the memory of what had been done to me in the past. You have given me a purpose in this world, help me to look ahead to the blessings that are waiting to unfold for me. In Jesus Name I pray – Amen.

 

I am headed to Pittsburgh, PA to do a TV interview on ‘Real Life’ TV www.ctvn.org I have a live interview on the 9am (EST) show and then we are taping another interview. Go on line and check out a possible listing in your area!

Blessings

Shannon
 Get your copy of Shannon Deitz’s personal story, EXPOSED for only $1.99 on Kindle.

If you live in the Kingwood area get your SIGNED copy of EXPOSED and the Hopeful Hearts Charms at Jennika’s on Kings Harbor.