It’s Your Choice to Be on the Journey to Heal

Tags

child abuse, choose healing, domestic abuse, healing, healing after abuse, holiday blues, holiday triggers, overcoming abuse, overcoming suffering, sexual abuse, sexual assault, suffering, surviving holidays

It is the Christmas holidays and I know so many of you are trying desperately to be in the season. Maybe this year being around family won’t cause an anxiety attack. Maybe this year rest and relaxation won’t seem as threatening as over obligation. Maybe this year the nightmares will stop stealing dreams. Maybe this year joy can be genuine rather than a glimmer of an unattainable feeling.

I know this because survivor after survivor have been in the office or on the phone sharing these very sentiments during this holiday season. Suffering can be debilitating. It has vices like shackles on the feet chained to fear and self-deprecation.

We cheat ourselves by believing the lie that there is no other truth to how a holiday season can be, that there can never be the joy longed for, the relaxation needed, or that others will still be happy even when we can’t fulfill their every need. Lies. Simple yet overpowering lies.

The only way to moving beyond the lies is making the choice to heal.

Thinking about this today I realized how much partaking on the journey to heal can be paralleled with the journey to sobriety for an addict. For an addict to conquer the demon of the addiction they have to make a personal choice to get the help needed. If they are forced, coerced, or convicted to go to rehab for others and not for themselves the likely hood that they’ll end up back in the addiction is nearly 90%.

iddscripturespremium.com

It is the same for survivors of abuse to find freedom in healing. True healing. Healing that leads to an inner JOY. And, yes, I’m referring to myself! Healing is a process. A journey. I made my choice to be done with lies years ago and I was healed. It worked but as with any addict who has finally kicked the habit they too have to remain on their journey to grow and ‘work the program’ so they don’t slip into a relapse.

Same with healing,  as I’ve matured, learned and grown in knowledge I’ve finally come to actual processes and programs that help release some of the vices that have held on tighter than others.

It all begins with that CHOICE. To finally being DONE with allowing the shame, memories, and debilitating fears keep you from freedom and the inner joy you were created to embrace.

There are 11 days left in Advent…in this time of ‘preparing’ for the coming of Jesus Christ. If you are still ‘shackled’ in the grips of suffering consider the greatest gift you can give yourself this Christmas. Say a  personal prayer every day from this day till Christmas for God to prepare your heart with the courage needed to make the choice to embrace the change healing brings.

If you want to discuss this more, I’d be honored to join you on your journey of healing. Email me at hopefulhearts333@gmail.com

Blessings

Shannon

I Have a Voice – Tiffany (Family of victims of Domestic Abuse Suffer too)

Tags

abuse, assault, domestic abuse, domestic violence, family of domestic violence victims, healing, healing after domestic violence, I have a voice, murder from domestic violence, resource for families of abused

Please join with me to SHARE this video and help family members of those who have suffered (and are suffering) at the hands of an abuser to know they are not alone.

If you have a family member you believe is in an abusive situation please reach out to your local women’s shelter to find out what services they offer with counseling, and creating a safe plan of escape. Let them know you are willing to walk with them in this struggle.

When they struggle with seeing the truth of their situation do not give up on them. Listen and encourage them. Invite them to visit www.HopefulHeartsMinistry.com to watch this and other I Have a Voice Videos and to read the blogs that will help empower them to know their worth.

And if you have lost your loved one to domestic violence know it is not your fault. We encourage you to seek help through therapy, your church and other programs that help you walk through the grief of unexpected tragedy.

Tiffany has begun to compile a few resources with http://www.AskSeekandKnock.net

If you know of others resources, retreats, etc please contact Tiffany through her website to be included for others to benefit.

Blessings

Shannon

Give Yourself Compassion

Tags

abuse, Abuse survivors, compassion, compassion for yourself, dignity, domestic abuse, domestic abuse survivors, healing, healing after abuse, loving yourself, self-love, self-respect

I asked a woman to look in the mirror and stare in her eyes. To really look in them and then tell herself, “You are strong.”

Strong because that was the word she picked. That she wanted to be. Three more ‘truth words’ is what I asked for her to find. She was able to easily list a sheet of lies that she’d bought into and held onto for the last 4 decades of her life but to come up with a truth she could say to herself in the mirror was difficult.

Rationally she can do it. She’s highly intelligent, well spoken, and quite captivating. She realized on a surface level she can admit the lies she’s been giving into and she knows the truth that she should receive…so what keeps her from doing so?

Shame. Shame that she allowed the lies to keep her down for so long. Shame that she, an educated woman, respected in her field, allowed herself to be so weak as to fall ‘victim’ to such abuse. Shame that her support system of family and friends would find her a fool if they knew what she’d suffered through for all of these years.

I listened to her words of compassion for the men who’d been in her life that torched her spirit with these lies and I finally asked, “Where is this compassion for yourself? Do you not deserve the same?”

Her eyes widened.

“If another woman in your sam predicament were sitting here and telling you this very same story would you tell her she is a fool for staying? Or would you give her hand a squeeze and let her know how courageous she is to be here, to talk about it and to get help to know her true worth?”

She teared up. “I just keep thinking about looking at myself in the mirror. I don’t think I’ve ever really looked into my own eyes. Why does it sound so hard?”

How many of us have gotten ready in the morning, rushed to put on make-up, blow dry our hair, shave your face (more for men… ) and failed to really see your reflection?

To look in your eyes and think, “You are worth all the blessings God has in store for you today.”

Show a little compassion … for yourself.

Our priest gave us a directive this weekend to try and do something ‘virtuous’ for 30 days…with the thought that after 30 days it wouldn’t have to be a chore but something that is innate within you. My suggestion to those of you who can relate to this woman’s story is to look at yourself in the mirror every morning. I mean look at yourself in your eyes and offer a kind word of compassion.

My bet is before the 30 days is up you’ll begin to recognize many more truths about yourself and extend the same grace to others.

Blessings

Shannon

New Life [Life After Domestic Violence]

Tags

Abuse survivors, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Domestic Violence Awareness, emotional abuse, Faith, forgiveness, healing, Laura White, spirituality, verbal abuse

A few weeks ago when Laura White and I drove to Dallas to film another I Have a Voice video I was immeasurably blessed by the amount of hope and fortitude this woman sitting next to me exuded.  So many times we can take the struggles in our lives, focus on the annoyance and irritation of the circumstance and soon the struggle turns into a life-destroying tragedy.

Here is a woman who has miraculously lived through an unimaginable tragedy which has left her to face numerous daily struggles that could easily suck the second chance of life right out of her.  Instead, she focuses on the beauty in the simple things and though her struggles are both an annoyance and irritation she realizes the fact she can feel these emotions is a gift.

I asked Laura to update us on how she is three years after the incident:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life for Me today after Domestic Violence

My life today for the most part is very rewarding and full of surprises.  I find that my eyes are wide open to all that is going on around me daily.  I watch people to see if I see troubled looks on their faces.  I will glance at the sunset or sunrise and look above to thank God that I am still here to see that beauty displayed.  I watch to see how men are treating women where ever I am, at the grocery store, in restaurants, at the gas station, etc.  I smile when I see an elderly couple holding hands or quietly sitting somewhere talking to each other as they are still best friends.  I listen with joy when my 6 year old grandson tells me about his day at school or the next greatest thing he has seen advertised on a commercial.  I sit back quietly to watch and listen to my 2 children when they are together and feel my heart swell with love and pride for the adults they have become.

I still have so many unanswered questions about what I went through.  I wonder how I could have ever have let myself be treated in such cruel ways.  I look back and realize I do not know who that person was.  There are many days that as I am performing simple tasks such as doing laundry, taking out the trash or trimming the bushes in my front yard that my abuser will enter my thoughts.  I will re-enter those memories by thinking about how I lived in such fear if I didn’t perform such simple tasks correctly.  And then I will remember that how I was supposed to perform a task would change without warning and therefore invoke a barrage of verbal abuse usually followed by condemnation, extreme hatred and anger.  A good example of this was when I was first with my abuser I did some laundry and somehow managed to turn some of his socks pink.  Then another time I did laundry I accidentally threw a tee-shirt of his into the dryer therefore resulting in it shrinking.  My abuser verbally attacked me for weeks on end by saying I was out to get him and that I did it on purpose.  My punishment from there on out was I was not allowed to go anywhere near the washer or the dryer.  I was not even allowed to do my own laundry for 4 years.  If I so much as went out to the garage without stating my purpose beforehand, he would jump up and follow me to make sure I wasn’t touching the washer or dryer.  The good news about my life today is I can do my own laundry or other simple daily tasks without fear.  I enjoy the freedom to do my laundry and if I do turn my socks pink, I laugh because I love pink socks!!!

Anger will re-surface from time to time around the consequences I am faced with because my abuser tried to kill me which resulted in him shooting me.  I so long for my body to feel normal again, but as time passes, the body I have now is beginning to feel normal to me for the most part.  I can walk despite the weakness I have in my left leg due to the permanent nerve damage.  I can handle the stairs in a movie theater now.  I can’t run, hop or jump which leaves me wondering what I will ever do if faced with a situation where I have to flee due to impending danger.  The trauma my body suffered has left me with only 30% function in my kidneys which translates into Chronic Kidney Disease Stage 3.  The next level down would put me in danger of having to do dialysis or even worse, a kidney transplant.  When I first heard this from my doctor, the anger that came to the surface took me by surprise.  I have been able to forgive my abuser for his actions, but I am still very angry deep down about the results of his actions.  I do not sleep at night for more than 2-3 hours at a time.  This is not because I have bad dreams or nightmares about what I went through, it is because due to the loss of 80% of my digestive system, I am dehydrated at all times.  My body has to receive water constantly to keep me out of the hospital.  I naturally wake up every couple of hours to drink water.  I have adjusted to the schedule and will relish the few times I actually sleep for 4-6 hours, but then I have to really work hard to catch up on my water intake.

I will end this with how I started this.  My life to today is full of rewards and surprises.  I have such a feeling of peace and serenity to know that I am not in that abusive relationship today.  I have the courage and determination to never let myself be controlled by another person again.  I can stand up for myself and say no today if it doesn’t feel right and I strive to stand up for others who have experienced abuse firsthand.  I love my body as it is today even with its weaknesses and medical issues.  I can look in the mirror today and when I see my 15 inch scar and notice that I no longer have a belly button I smile and say this is my normal.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you are struggling, offer it up to the Lord and take a look at your day, recognizing the many blessings you’ve been given.

“They that hope in the LORD will renew their strength, they will soar on eagles’ wings; They will run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint.”  Isaiah 40:41

Blessings

Shannon

** If you or someone you know is in a domestic abuse situation and needs help please go to the Domestic Violence Hotline at www.thehotline.org or call 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)**

I’m Afraid for You – Guest Post

Tags

abuse, Depression, domestic abuse, domestic violence, domestic violence abuse survivors, domestic violence awarenes, domestic violence help, escape plan, escape plan for domestic abuse survivors, escape route for survivors, poetry, survivors of abuse

I feel prompted to share with you all this amazing poetry from Diana Rasmussen.  When I read this it grabbed me and I realize how often we might ‘turn the other cheek’ on our ‘neighbors.’  I think about the three women who were recently rescued in Cleveland, OH and wonder how many moments occurred among neighbors that something ‘just didn’t seem right’?

God gave us all a gift – intuition and instinct.  Don’t let these gifts go to waste.  Learn to trust these gifts – they could save your life or others.  There is also a wonderful Safety Plan at the end of this post.

Blessings

Shannon

I’M AFRAID FOR YOUShe lived in the trailer right across the street

not much of a neighbor she kept to herself

When the sun went down the fights would start

noises travel in a trailer park

I went over one day with cookies in hand

saw the fear in her eyes

said I’m afraid for you

I heard what he called you last night

what he’s doing just isn’t right

My door’s always open anytime day or night

I’m afraid for you

That night he came home smelled something amiss

he started screaming and yelling

I heard punching fists

Afraid for my friend I called 911

it was time for this to be done

I’m afraid for you

I heard what he called you last night

what he’s doing just isn’t right

My door’s always open anytime day or night

I’m afraid for you

She stood in the driveway

blood on her white gown

cops took him away

when I said I’m afraid for you

I heard what he called you last night

what he’s doing just isn’t right

My door’s always open

anytime day or night

I’m afraid for you

Part of Diana’s Story:

“I have lived in abuse, years upon years, relationship upon relationship. I have been married – more than once, and I have been divorced – more than once, to abusive men. I have been to the shelters, time and again. I have had restraining orders, had them broken, and called the police again. I have been to court more times that I can count. I have fought for my children and their rights for child support. I had had 3 suicide attempts and thank you Lord, I did not succeed. I have been to the Mental Health Ward – more than once. I have gone to the counselors, taken the “happy pills” and lived in ‘la-la land” for months at a time. I have been treated for depression and at one time in my life, I did not get out of bed for 6 months.

I have laughed, I have cried, I have believed, and I have doubted. But through it all, God has been faithful. He has made a way for me and my children where there was no way. He has protected me and my children supernaturally, more than once. He has provided for us faithfully – oh the stories I could tell! He has restored my peace of mind. I am no longer taking any ‘happy pills’! I do not hear “the voices” in my head that used to scream things at me, or whisper and laugh at me.

I do not live in the land of shame and guilt anymore, I have changed addresses!

I am not that same person. I have lived free from fear and abuse for the last 8 years, and today I can say, because of Christ – I am free!

Thank you Jesus!

A few years back God even blessed me with a Godly husband, one who encourages and supports me.  We play praise music together every week at Church.  It is rather healthy I have ot say and I am forever grateful.  But I had to learn what healthy relationships were and to establish boundaries in my life.

Today, I do not live in fear. Today I am not a victim of abuse, I am a beloved daughter of the King. I am life that God touched, rescued, and changed. I know that God exists, He saved my soul from the pit,  He protected me and my children and I know He will do it for you too!”

Diana’s Bio 

Diana Rasmussen is a Music Minister, Blogger, Poetess, and Recording Artist who uses her gifts to shed light on the darkness of Domestic Violence. At the beginning of this year, God asked her to ‘quit playing Church’ and start to testify about what He had delivered her from. That was the beginning of Prayers and Promises.

Diana Rasmussen is a Soul Survivor, as many of you are too. Her songs focus on overcoming adversity, breaking free from domestic violence, and living beyond depression. Fans have called her songs, “haunting, powerful, and edgy”. Diana sounds like Annie Lennox and Bonnie Raitt, and there is a raw honesty about her lyrics. Diana has many TOP 10 AWARDS from Broadjam, Inc. in the Country, Folk, Jazz, and World Categories.

Currently Diana leads the Worship Team at Janesville Apostolic Ministries in Janesville, WI. She has been blessed to play with her husband Bob, and sing with many Anointed Singers. Diana has been a Music Minister for the last 20years in various churches, shelters, nursing homes, and community meals in the southern Wisconsin area.

To learn more about Diana go to her website:  http://dianarasmussen.com/

SAFETY PLAN

Hopeful Hearts Featured on Christian Broadcasting Network News – Domestic Violence Awareness

Tags

CBN, CBN News, domestic abuse, Domestic Violence Awareness Month, how to find help for Domestic Abuse

Grateful for the opportunity! Wanted to share the short interview with all of you!

http://cbn.com/tv/embedplayernews.aspx?bcid=4552833913001

http://www.cbn.com/cbnnews/us/2015/October/Video-Series-Urges-Abuse-Survivors-to-Step-Out-of-the-Shadows/

 

Blessings

Shannon

TENGO UNA VOZ – JOSE (ABUSO DOMÉSTICO)

Tags

abuse, Abuso, Abuso Domestico, Alspaughs, domestic abuse, domestic abuse awareness month, domestic violence, healing after abuse, Tengo Una Voz

It is my honor to be able to introduce our first “I Have a Voice” video in Spanish. Jose, God bless her, did two versions…one in English and one in Spanish. It is very important to address the cultural differences when we look at an issue such as domestic abuse. In the Hispanic community it has been a much more difficult subject to broach because of what has been historically ‘accepted’ within a marriage.

Everyone deserves a ‘voice’ and the ability to maintain their dignity and worth.

I encourage you to please share both versions of Jose’s video.

 

And in English:

Blessings

Shannon

** Thank you to Rick & Dorothy Alspaugh with Alspaugh’s Ace Hardware for making these “I Have a Voice” video’s possible.**

Domestic Abuse Awareness Month – 3 Steps to Help a Friend in Need

Tags

abuse, domestic abuse, domestic abuse awareness month, domestic violence, healing after abuse, how to help someone who is being abused by a spouse, I have a voice

I strongly encourage everyone to please read through these statistics and watch Jose’s video. Domestic Violence rarely begins in violence…it begins with abuse…mental, psychological abuse.

NATIONAL STATISTICS

From the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

• Every 9 seconds in the US, a woman is assaulted or beaten.12
• On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.1
• 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of [some form of] physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.1
• 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

The statistics speak volumes. It is likely you know someone in your life who needs your support. Here are three steps to take action to help a friend in need:

1. LISTEN – Listen without judgment. Do not question why they stay.
2. ENCOURAGE – Domestic Abuse is predominantly emotional and mental abuse which depletes the self-worth of the victim and keeps them in fear and unable to leave. Build up their esteem and if possible encourage them to get counseling if possible.
3. HELP CREATE A SAFE ESCAPE PLAN – Do the research for them and find the nearest shelter. Call for them and find out what steps are needed to be taken for that particular shelter in order for them to be used as a ‘escape plan’ when and if the victim chooses to leave. Many shelters also offer free counseling. Be willing to go with them to visit the shelter.

Watch, Share and Save a life.

Blessings

Shannon

Confessions of an Incest and Date Rape Survivor (Healing in Acknowledging the Ugly Truth)

Tags

Abuse survivors, child abuse survivors, date rape, DMV, domestic abuse, Domestic Violence Awareness, healing, healing after abuse, incest survivors, overcoming anger, trusting again

I don’t want to be ‘defined’ consistently as an incest and date rape survivor. Not that I’m ashamed.

Do. Not. Mistake. This. For. Shame.

The shame is not mine. Why should anyone be ashamed for what has been done to them with complete disregard for their well-being?

No, this is not about shame.

I don’t want to have every emotion, or lack there of, to be because of what had once been done to me. But the ugly truth is – it does.

It’s like when someone gets diagnosed with breast cancer, they go through the chemo, fight the good fight, get a clear reading and then 4 years later get cancer in the brain. It’s not brain cancer. It’s still breast cancer. Breast cancer that has come back and spread to the brain.

We can heal from the effects of abuse. Absolutely. We can live normal lives. We can thrive. We can be happy, healthy, God-fearing upstanding men and women in our communities and yet the underlying effects of abuse remain in the thread of our being.

I consider myself confident, self-secure and aware in most areas of my life. However, I am insecure in my marriage and lack the ability to accept unconditional love.

Sounds crazy right? Well, maybe for those who have never been abused in such a way that obliterated the ability to trust completely which hinders intimacy on all levels.

I desire attention and affection but subconsciously run and hide when I receive it. I push away. Cause fights. Listen to the enemies lies so I can feel ‘comfortable’ in a state of internal chaos.

My soul cries out, “Choose me!” “Pick me!” and “Tell me I’m enough.”  But when I’m chosen, picked, and praised I question it. “Do you?”, “Am I really?”

Plagued with feeling selfish I internalize a battle of wills ‘not wanting to’ and then ‘overdoing’ because I have to make others happy – because it is that ‘effect’ (aka: cancer) that lays dormant inside – what I want doesn’t matter.

I find it hard to cry or feel in the most tragic situations. I laugh at the most inappropriate times.

Yes, this is me inside out.

Often when I struggle with the return of this ‘cancer’ it is not always accompanied by a trigger or memory to make me aware, “Hey! This is a dormant effect caused by the abuse that seeped into the delicate lining of your emotional make-up.”

No. Too often we survivors of abuse go through all of these crazy emotional roller-coasters feeling like we are losing it because we’ve worked so hard at overcoming and forgiving the moment(s) of abuse.

The key is in acknowledging our feelings on all levels, at all times, and learning to express them so little by little we can ‘treat’ the affected area appropriately.

I know there are many out there who could be reading this thinking, “Seriously? Why can’t you just get over it?” Now, typically (just typically not 100%) men tend to lean more on the ‘compartmentalized and get over it’ side of ‘dealing with it’ which could be why we hear less from male survivors than female survivors. Yet, I will say I have met a good number of men whom I am very proud of that have stepped forward and acknowledged ‘this happened to me and it still affects me’, and they get help to better themselves.

Abuse is ugly. Overcoming abuse (in all forms, sexual, physical, emotional/mental) and remaining a thriving, healing journey is complicated but absolutely doable. 

Never ever give up because you are worth it!

I would remise if I failed to acknowledge and thank the man in my life who has lived through my crazy (which led him to ‘crazy’ :D) for 22+ years. Thank you Neal! We are both a piece of work but together we can make a masterpiece. (It might look like Picasso…. but still…)

If you are a survivor of abuse and have yet to speak of it or seek help I strongly encourage you to reach out to someone close and tell them your story. If you don’t feel you have a family member, spouse, pastor, priest or friend you can trust please reach out to us. We want to listen and we want to help you on your healing journey.  hopefulhearts333@gmail.com

Blessings

Shannon

Get your copy of Shannon Deitz’s personal story, EXPOSED for only $1.99 on Kindle.

 

 

 

If you live in the Kingwood area get your SIGNED copy of EXPOSED and the Hopeful Hearts Charms at Jennika’s on Kings Harbor

 

 

 

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Real Life – (Healing One Heart at a Time)

Tags

Abuse survivors, CORNERSTONE TV, date rape, domestic abuse, Domestic Violence Awareness, healing, healing after abuse, healing after rape, I have a voice, Real Life, Real Life TV

This week we are in the process of filming three new I Have a Voice Videos! By the grace of God and the gracious donation by Ricl & Dorothy Alspaugh with Alspaughs Ace Hardware and Sterling Events we will be releasing three new videos in October for Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

I’m grateful for Jose’s courage and strength. She blessed us with her courageous story twice! One in English and again in Spanish, addressing the issues of domestic abuse within the hispanic culture.

I didn’t want too much time to go by without sharing with you all interviews I did with Real Life TV (there are two shows!) … one behind the scenes Holy Spirit moment…when you watch the ‘Girls Series’ they put in a video of a situation that went directly with my personal story. This was not intentional…their videos are on a schedule and they did not pick this video for my story yet it flowed perfectly. God is so good!

I would love to hear from you and if you aren’t yet on twitter, join and add me! @ShannonDeitz or @HopefulHeartsMinistry …I have signed onto the world of Periscope (immediate videos).

Grateful for the way the Holy Spirit is moving!

Blessings

Shannon
Get your copy of Shannon Deitz’s personal story, EXPOSED for only $1.99 on Kindle.

 

 

 

JennikasIf you live in the Kingwood area get your SIGNED copy of EXPOSED and the Hopeful Hearts Charms at Jennika’s on Kings Harbor