New Life [Life After Domestic Violence]

Tags

Abuse survivors, domestic abuse, domestic violence, Domestic Violence Awareness, emotional abuse, Faith, forgiveness, healing, Laura White, spirituality, verbal abuse

A few weeks ago when Laura White and I drove to Dallas to film another I Have a Voice video I was immeasurably blessed by the amount of hope and fortitude this woman sitting next to me exuded.  So many times we can take the struggles in our lives, focus on the annoyance and irritation of the circumstance and soon the struggle turns into a life-destroying tragedy.

Here is a woman who has miraculously lived through an unimaginable tragedy which has left her to face numerous daily struggles that could easily suck the second chance of life right out of her.  Instead, she focuses on the beauty in the simple things and though her struggles are both an annoyance and irritation she realizes the fact she can feel these emotions is a gift.

I asked Laura to update us on how she is three years after the incident:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life for Me today after Domestic Violence

My life today for the most part is very rewarding and full of surprises.  I find that my eyes are wide open to all that is going on around me daily.  I watch people to see if I see troubled looks on their faces.  I will glance at the sunset or sunrise and look above to thank God that I am still here to see that beauty displayed.  I watch to see how men are treating women where ever I am, at the grocery store, in restaurants, at the gas station, etc.  I smile when I see an elderly couple holding hands or quietly sitting somewhere talking to each other as they are still best friends.  I listen with joy when my 6 year old grandson tells me about his day at school or the next greatest thing he has seen advertised on a commercial.  I sit back quietly to watch and listen to my 2 children when they are together and feel my heart swell with love and pride for the adults they have become.

I still have so many unanswered questions about what I went through.  I wonder how I could have ever have let myself be treated in such cruel ways.  I look back and realize I do not know who that person was.  There are many days that as I am performing simple tasks such as doing laundry, taking out the trash or trimming the bushes in my front yard that my abuser will enter my thoughts.  I will re-enter those memories by thinking about how I lived in such fear if I didn’t perform such simple tasks correctly.  And then I will remember that how I was supposed to perform a task would change without warning and therefore invoke a barrage of verbal abuse usually followed by condemnation, extreme hatred and anger.  A good example of this was when I was first with my abuser I did some laundry and somehow managed to turn some of his socks pink.  Then another time I did laundry I accidentally threw a tee-shirt of his into the dryer therefore resulting in it shrinking.  My abuser verbally attacked me for weeks on end by saying I was out to get him and that I did it on purpose.  My punishment from there on out was I was not allowed to go anywhere near the washer or the dryer.  I was not even allowed to do my own laundry for 4 years.  If I so much as went out to the garage without stating my purpose beforehand, he would jump up and follow me to make sure I wasn’t touching the washer or dryer.  The good news about my life today is I can do my own laundry or other simple daily tasks without fear.  I enjoy the freedom to do my laundry and if I do turn my socks pink, I laugh because I love pink socks!!!

Anger will re-surface from time to time around the consequences I am faced with because my abuser tried to kill me which resulted in him shooting me.  I so long for my body to feel normal again, but as time passes, the body I have now is beginning to feel normal to me for the most part.  I can walk despite the weakness I have in my left leg due to the permanent nerve damage.  I can handle the stairs in a movie theater now.  I can’t run, hop or jump which leaves me wondering what I will ever do if faced with a situation where I have to flee due to impending danger.  The trauma my body suffered has left me with only 30% function in my kidneys which translates into Chronic Kidney Disease Stage 3.  The next level down would put me in danger of having to do dialysis or even worse, a kidney transplant.  When I first heard this from my doctor, the anger that came to the surface took me by surprise.  I have been able to forgive my abuser for his actions, but I am still very angry deep down about the results of his actions.  I do not sleep at night for more than 2-3 hours at a time.  This is not because I have bad dreams or nightmares about what I went through, it is because due to the loss of 80% of my digestive system, I am dehydrated at all times.  My body has to receive water constantly to keep me out of the hospital.  I naturally wake up every couple of hours to drink water.  I have adjusted to the schedule and will relish the few times I actually sleep for 4-6 hours, but then I have to really work hard to catch up on my water intake.

I will end this with how I started this.  My life to today is full of rewards and surprises.  I have such a feeling of peace and serenity to know that I am not in that abusive relationship today.  I have the courage and determination to never let myself be controlled by another person again.  I can stand up for myself and say no today if it doesn’t feel right and I strive to stand up for others who have experienced abuse firsthand.  I love my body as it is today even with its weaknesses and medical issues.  I can look in the mirror today and when I see my 15 inch scar and notice that I no longer have a belly button I smile and say this is my normal.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you are struggling, offer it up to the Lord and take a look at your day, recognizing the many blessings you’ve been given.

“They that hope in the LORD will renew their strength, they will soar on eagles’ wings; They will run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint.”  Isaiah 40:41

Blessings

Shannon

** If you or someone you know is in a domestic abuse situation and needs help please go to the Domestic Violence Hotline at www.thehotline.org or call 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)**

New Life (Life After Domestic Violence)

Tags

domestic abuse, domestic violence, Domestic Violence Awareness, Faith, forgiveness, healing, Laura White, spirituality

**This is a ‘re-run’ but a GOOD one! :D**

A few weeks ago when Laura White and I drove to Dallas to film another I Have a Voice video I was immeasurably blessed by the amount of hope and fortitude this woman sitting next to me exuded.  So many times we can take the struggles in our lives, focus on the annoyance and irritation of the circumstance and soon the struggle turns into a life-destroying tragedy.

Here is a woman who has miraculously lived through an unimaginable tragedy which has left her to face numerous daily struggles that could easily suck the second chance of life right out of her.  Instead, she focuses on the beauty in the simple things and though her struggles are both an annoyance and irritation she realizes the fact she can feel these emotions is a gift.

I asked Laura to update us on how she is three years after the incident:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life for Me today after Domestic Violence

My life today for the most part is very rewarding and full of surprises.  I find that my eyes are wide open to all that is going on around me daily.  I watch people to see if I see troubled looks on their faces.  I will glance at the sunset or sunrise and look above to thank God that I am still here to see that beauty displayed.  I watch to see how men are treating women where ever I am, at the grocery store, in restaurants, at the gas station, etc.  I smile when I see an elderly couple holding hands or quietly sitting somewhere talking to each other as they are still best friends.  I listen with joy when my 6 year old grandson tells me about his day at school or the next greatest thing he has seen advertised on a commercial.  I sit back quietly to watch and listen to my 2 children when they are together and feel my heart swell with love and pride for the adults they have become.

I still have so many unanswered questions about what I went through.  I wonder how I could have ever have let myself be treated in such cruel ways.  I look back and realize I do not know who that person was.  There are many days that as I am performing simple tasks such as doing laundry, taking out the trash or trimming the bushes in my front yard that my abuser will enter my thoughts.  I will re-enter those memories by thinking about how I lived in such fear if I didn’t perform such simple tasks correctly.  And then I will remember that how I was supposed to perform a task would change without warning and therefore invoke a barrage of verbal abuse usually followed by condemnation, extreme hatred and anger.  A good example of this was when I was first with my abuser I did some laundry and somehow managed to turn some of his socks pink.  Then another time I did laundry I accidentally threw a tee-shirt of his into the dryer therefore resulting in it shrinking.  My abuser verbally attacked me for weeks on end by saying I was out to get him and that I did it on purpose.  My punishment from there on out was I was not allowed to go anywhere near the washer or the dryer.  I was not even allowed to do my own laundry for 4 years.  If I so much as went out to the garage without stating my purpose beforehand, he would jump up and follow me to make sure I wasn’t touching the washer or dryer.  The good news about my life today is I can do my own laundry or other simple daily tasks without fear.  I enjoy the freedom to do my laundry and if I do turn my socks pink, I laugh because I love pink socks!!!

Anger will re-surface from time to time around the consequences I am faced with because my abuser tried to kill me which resulted in him shooting me.  I so long for my body to feel normal again, but as time passes, the body I have now is beginning to feel normal to me for the most part.  I can walk despite the weakness I have in my left leg due to the permanent nerve damage.  I can handle the stairs in a movie theater now.  I can’t run, hop or jump which leaves me wondering what I will ever do if faced with a situation where I have to flee due to impending danger.  The trauma my body suffered has left me with only 30% function in my kidneys which translates into Chronic Kidney Disease Stage 3.  The next level down would put me in danger of having to do dialysis or even worse, a kidney transplant.  When I first heard this from my doctor, the anger that came to the surface took me by surprise.  I have been able to forgive my abuser for his actions, but I am still very angry deep down about the results of his actions.  I do not sleep at night for more than 2-3 hours at a time.  This is not because I have bad dreams or nightmares about what I went through, it is because due to the loss of 80% of my digestive system, I am dehydrated at all times.  My body has to receive water constantly to keep me out of the hospital.  I naturally wake up every couple of hours to drink water.  I have adjusted to the schedule and will relish the few times I actually sleep for 4-6 hours, but then I have to really work hard to catch up on my water intake.

I will end this with how I started this.  My life to today is full of rewards and surprises.  I have such a feeling of peace and serenity to know that I am not in that abusive relationship today.  I have the courage and determination to never let myself be controlled by another person again.  I can stand up for myself and say no today if it doesn’t feel right and I strive to stand up for others who have experienced abuse firsthand.  I love my body as it is today even with its weaknesses and medical issues.  I can look in the mirror today and when I see my 15 inch scar and notice that I no longer have a belly button I smile and say this is my normal.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you are struggling, offer it up to the Lord and take a look at your day, recognizing the many blessings you’ve been given.

“They that hope in the LORD will renew their strength, they will soar on eagles’ wings; They will run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint.”  Isaiah 40:41

Blessings

Shannon

** If you or someone you know is in a domestic abuse situation and needs help please go to the Domestic Violence Hotline at www.thehotline.org or call 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)**

I Will Rise

Tags

abuse, ACTS, Faith, healing, retreats, spirituality

Today is the day! I know I’ve been ‘absent’ and lacking in my blogging priorities but it hasn’t been laziness! This women’s ACTS retreat has been top priority and the day is here.

What I have received from directing 38 women on a TEAM is seeing His talent and His gifts in motion. We are all created with specific talents and gifts that align with one another to create a dynamic and unique body of Christ.

If you are unfamiliar with an ACTS retreat it is a retreat you can only attend one time but once you’ve been then you can give back by serving on team. The details and design of the retreat is quite intricate and even though I have created and directed dozens of retreats I could not have managed this one as a ‘stand alone’ chief.

The beauty and grace of this side of the ACTS retreat is witnessing it all come together. By 7:30 tonight we will get to ‘cross the mountain’ and witness the Holy Spirit in action prayerfully transforming and enriching lives drawing them closer into His embrace.

I will be ‘out of touch’ all weekend but IN TOUCH with God!

Our theme is ‘Awake o sleeper, arise from the dead and Christ will give you light.’ Ephesians 5:14

(No coincidence that I was called to be director and found the scripture readings to be Ephesians 5:6-14 which is a verse near and dear to my heart.)

I’ll leave you with our theme song and a request to pray for the 42 women attending the retreat this weekend!

http://youtu.be/8WroRx8vqy8

When I come back April is a key month for Hopeful Hearts Minsitry – it is Child Abuse and Sexual Assault Awareness Month. If you have a story you would like to share (yes, you can be anonymous) let’s connect! hopefulhearts333@gmail.com

Blessings
Shannon

God in the Mundane

Tags

Faith, God, God in the mundane, God in the ordinary, spirituality

Ever look back on the week and think, “How is it Friday? Where did the week go?” One day looked like the next you failed to experience the passing of time.

I’m staring at this blank screen desperate for words to formulate. The past few days of taxi driving the kids (literally hours in the car), dozens of phone calls, thousands of texts (yes I would not be surprised if I were to look back on a phone bill it would topple 1000) and every second in-between stuck behind the computer does not make for an interesting blog.

Nor did it lend for the time to write one. It is 4:13am on Friday and this is the only hour I have to write. Every minute is accounted for in my day. The big ACTS retreat is next week and we are in crunch time mode. Along with my husband being out of town, kids needs (in all areas), ministry work, doctor’s appointments and the changing of internet providers what can I say?

I know you relate. I’ve spoken to you. You are like me in many ways. Going from one thing to the next at times on autopilot. Checking off the ‘to do’ list and crashing in bed at the end of the day.

If you were to have the extra moment you might pause long enough to look back on the week and think, “One day was like the next, what was it for? What did I do that mattered? It’s all a blur.”

And that, my friend, is the trick of the enemy. Busy-ness. To get you worked up on the time, the excursion, the repetition, and in some areas the mundane so you won’t see where God has shown up for you, let alone for you to realize that despite the time felt lost you managed to show up for others because of your accountability day to day.

When I took the moment to reflect not on the motions of the days passed but the content I realized how God has shown up in many ways through the conversations had, the ideas formulated and implemented, and even in the quiet of car rides too and from A to B.

My week, your week, has not been lost. It is not lost when you give God the moment to look back and recognize Him even in the seemingly mundane. Because often what becomes habit and formulaic to us is the foundation for a consistent love and security for those around us and closest to us. The travesty is when we fail to remember Him in the busy-ness.

With a grateful heart I could brag and talk about the many ways God ‘showed up’ for me in those conversations, emails, texts and rides to and from downtown but I’d rather hear from you.

How has God ‘shown up’ in your life in the mundane this week?

Blessings
Shannon

Demons

Tags

breaking free from the lies, demons, Faith, fighting our demons, God's embrace, spiritual warfare, spirituality

When I say demons what comes to mind? An ugly physical creature that can scare the life out of you?

The enemy is more clever than needing to play the boogie man who hides under our bed. The enemy doesn’t focus on our reality of what we can tangibly see. He focus’ on our feelings (hurt, pain, shame) and our emotions (fear and guilt). The enemy’s goal is to keep us from a full embrace with God. When we are wrapped in our Father’s full embrace nothing can get in-between. But often even one of those emotions when molded and shaped by he enemy, can create a wall that comes between us and God’s full embrace.

We all have our demons that haunt us. They are past hurts that keep us from moving forward. Or they are current sinful vices that trip us up and keep us in shame and turned away from God. Or they can be those ‘empty arguments or lies’ we hear that we take possession, like “You are not good enough.” or “You can keep trying but you’ll never succeed.” Or like what I’ve been hearing this week: “You failed.” Or “What a fool for ever trusting that person.”

This week I had one blow after another attack these emotions and feelings. I found out someone who was a mentor to me, who had a great amount of knowledge and understanding of faith, was convicted and sentenced for a heinous crime. A crime of abuse. Someone whom I looked up to and trusted had fallen hard to the enemy’s ways. Devastating. Why? Is what I long to know. How? How could the enemy have infiltrated that brilliant, talented and faithful mind? Was I a fool for not seeing? Just like my grandfather and no one could see the demons that were on his back.

One blow, then another. I found out a young woman I’d mentored a few years back committed suicide this summer.  The woman who had connected us a few years ago after she’d tragically gone through a kidnap and rape was in my bible study and came up to me after I spoke.  She introduced herself and when she said this young woman’s name it hit me how I hadn’t heard from her in a while.  After I’d worked with her for about a year she would call occasionally to tell me how she was doing and what was going on in her life.  When I asked this dear woman how she was she looked at me shocked and then broke the news.  I literally was thrust back by the force of shock that hit me.  My heart aches for the pain that overtook this young woman and for her family.  There were other ‘demons’ in her life that she was battling besides the trauma of the rape, but I couldn’t help but immediately think, “Did I do enough?”

It has been one long week and though the ‘demons’ are trying to nip at my heals and trip me up I know my God has me in His firm embrace, there to catch me no matter my stumble or fall.   I am getting rid of the ‘empty arguments’ and focusing on the greater good that God brings.

Amen.

Blessings

Shannon

Keeping Alignment (Day 312 & 313)

Tags

Christianity, Faith, God's will, prayer, prayer for peace, Religion and Spirituality, seeking God's will, spirituality, St. Francis of Assisi

This morning I had a short training session with one of my ‘young adults’ whom I’d ministered to when I worked for the parish.  I’d hate to say what he owns is a gym because when I think of ‘gym’ I think of a place where beefy guys go to grunt, flex and throw weight around.  This is a gym and I’m sure they have their fair share of them but it is smaller and more in line with each individual’s overall personal ‘achievement’ in health.  Appropriately it’s called Achievement.

Neal had been going and stopped using his credits so I’ve happily picked them up.  One thing I noticed this morning as Richard walked me through his version of a push up is how quickly I want to give up if I can’t seem to ‘get it right’.  I don’t give up but inside I want to.  Richard is detailed oriented and makes sure every single push up (or whatever exercise you are doing ) is in the correct alignment.  “Hip down, shoulders away from your ears, use your back,…slow down, etc etc etc.”   I find myself getting exacerbated but at the same time determined to get it right.

Funny, when I do get it ‘right’ and he doesn’t say anything then I think he is sick of telling me and has given up.  When I ask, “Is that okay?”  He’ll smile and say, “Yes, very good.”  Or sometimes he might throw out a ‘perfect’.  This embarrasses me because I’m more used to the correcting than I am the praise.

I knew I was late in writing this blog for the weekend but I find it interesting that what I noticed this morning goes along well with what held my heart all weekend.  I’ve been floating on a cloud of humbleness and grace.  The generosity of others has overwhelmed my senses and I found that it’s almost the same feeling as when I get praise.  I don’t know how to accept it.  I can accept the gift or the donation and be gracious to others.  My issue is embracing the generosity within so that it empowers me.

Last night in Mass I read a prayer on the back of our missalette, it is the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi:

On my knees I prayed, “Lord keep me in alignment with You and Your will for me.”  Throughout the celebration I fought back tears as I recognized how often I fail to embrace the generosity of His praise because I’m more inclined to receive consistent instruction.  After living a good portion of my life ‘out of whack’ I knew it would take time, determination and consistent instruction to get my life in proper alignment with His will.  There have been ‘God moments’ that I feel His specific praise which has helped with the encouragement to keep working at it.

But it is in the moments that I don’t hear anything I wonder, “Am I doing this right?”

At some point in that ‘silence’ I need to find the confidence to recognize that I’ve learned from the best instructor and to trust in the abilities He’s given.  I know God well enough to know He’ll make it known if I’m out of alignment in any way…just like Richard.

Blessings

Shannon

Eating Humble Pie (Day 309)

Tags

Body of Christ, Catholicism, Christianity, Eucharist, Eucharistic Minister, Faith, humble pie, humbleness, humility, spirituality, st. augustine, st. augustine quotes

This might sound odd but I enjoy eating humble pie. When God keeps me humble He is keeping my feet on the ground and my eyes on Him. And it always seems like I’m served a slice right after I achieve something I’ve been working toward.

It began with serving the Body of Christ as a Eucharistic Minister at the children’s Mass. My line was done so I was directed to go and stand by another EM. I thought I’d figured out the flow of where her line would receive, step aside, and return to their seats. But either I was wrong or the kids got flustered because I broke the flow,  they started running into each other and it became chaotic. My cheeks blazed with embarrassment because I’d messed up a perfectly good flow and then one of the girls, confused and caught off guard, dropped the Eucharist on the ground. Quickly I bent down picked it up and ate it! I probably should have kept it in my hand and kept serving the line, eating it with discretion when I was done, but all I kept thinking was we dropped the Body of Christ!

Later I apologized to the woman whom I’d come to ‘help’ and she giggled, saying, “Oh God always needs a laugh.” Yes, apparently.

All day I noticed the various ways in which I felt inadequate, inferior or intimidated.  I remained in a consistent state of frustration until I showed Seth a segment from the Today Show I’d seen Monday on Veterans Day. I’d forgotten I taped it because I wanted to show my son the amazing spirit of this young man who’d lost so much having fought for our country. I listened again to his story of his convoy blown up, the facial restructuring he had to endure and then the clips of him speaking to hundreds making the most of his inadequacies by pointing out the obvious.

Like comedians do best, he made light of the obvious inadequacies and even the unseen insecurities, putting them out there so he could display them with a light heart before receiving anyone’s harsh judgement. Then bam! There was no more left to hide and his SPIRIT was left to shine capturing the audience with his brilliance.

My heart soared as I got a different message from the second viewing of this young man’s story. Yes, he is brave, yes, I am proud of him and all of our soldiers but what he was ‘telling’ me by watching his story is, “Your inadequacies and insecurities make you human. Acknowledge them with a light heart knowing everyone around you has their own. Then let your spirit shine.”

I can laugh at myself as I enjoy eating my humble pie because I know it nourished in the Lord for it is Christ that gives me the strength.

Blessings Shannon

The Blind Shall See (Day 308)

Tags

blind shall see, Faith, grace of God, healing, healing after abuse, Human trafficking, inspiration, inspirational, safe house, serenity ranch, spirituality, survivors

“Say to the fearful of heart:  Be strong, do not fear!  Here is your God, he comes with vindication;  With divine recompense he comes to save you.  Then the eyes of the blind shall see, and the ears of the deaf be opened.”  Isaiah 35:4-5

This is a verse from the Old Testament that later is shown and witnessed within the New Testament as Jesus literally heals the blind and deaf, opening their eyes to see the world anew and their ears to hear sound as never before.  I love the verse from Isaiah as it both projects the revelation of His glory through the miracles and in the spiritual revelation of sight and sound  through the healing of the spiritually blind and deaf.

This hit deep when I spoke to my dear friend, Cheryl, who had founded Mission at Serenity Ranch, a non-profit benefitting the women coming from the human trafficking industry.  Mission at Serenity Ranch was in the process of building a recovery home for the women when she had to undergo surgery for a crushed septum. Because of the extent of the surgery she was under longer than the projected 5 hours and in the process her eyes were neglected. Coming out of surgery when the bandages were removed they scratched her corneas. After months of issues and more mishaps, infections, etc she has been declared legally blind.

She can’t see anything but blurry shapes. She can’t drive. She can’t see to walk unless someone guides her. You would think this tragic occurrence would cause her to give up on everything but not Cheryl. “This has caused me to really ‘see’ what God is asking of me,” she said.  ”I can’t read and I can’t watch TV so I’m home alone with my thoughts. What I can still do is speak, tell my story and help others.”

Currently she is looking for a ministry with a similar mission to Serenity Ranch to take over the nearly completed safe house. The mission of Serenity Ranch is being reshaped and restructured but not forgotten. In fact, today with the help of others, she is speaking at an event to educate officers.

Cheryl was a victim of the domestic human trafficking industry at the young age of 12.  She managed to escape when she was 15 but found that she had no place to go.  Her family assumed she’d run away and seeing her in a state of addiction did not welcome her back.  She knew no other life than to prostitute for room and board and the drug addiction led her life.  By the grace of God she heard His voice at a moment when all she wanted was to die.  She sought the help she needed and in time began to build a healthy, ‘normal’ life.

When I made the comment that she was truly an inspiration to me she said, “I’ve been through too much in my life to give up now! It might be best that I can’t see because it forces me to get to know the heart of someone rather than their physical beauty.”

Amazing. I really needed to hear this today.  Not because of what I see but to be strengthened by her tenacity.   I never intended to call her and I was in the middle of two tasks when she popped into my mind and I thought to call and see how she was doing.  I’m glad I acted on instinct.

The other pertinent comment she made today (among the many) was, “Whenever I find myself getting frustrated I let myself cry.  There is nothing else I can do and if I’m feeling it then I cry.  That way it’s out and I move on.”

Amen!    Bad things happen every day to good people.  Why? There is no perfect answer because we will never understand the logic of accidents, carelessness, neglect, and simple stupidity but what we can do is do the best we can to be vigilant of our own actions and responses.

I can’t quit this post without giving my most amazing news to date!  Today I signed a contract with CHOOSE-NOW PUBLISHING for REDEEMED!! (Tentatively titled..unless they see fit to change it.)

Here is a little humble pie, I told Seth I looked ‘old’ in this picture and he said, “You are old Mom.” Like, duh…

This is the follow-up book to EXPOSED giving more of Neal and my deep dark secrets and miraculous blessings within our 17 years of marriage.     Although there is truth to that statement the book is a reflection of the struggle I went through as a survivor of abuse to embrace genuine intimacy and the love of my husband, myself and of God.

Tentative release date is June 2014!  (If I get my booty in gear!)

Blessings

Shannon

Steadfast in the Lord (Day 299 & 300 )

Tags

Faith, overcoming adversity, spirituality

When I was in middle school I recall attending a church function where the speaker led a talk based on Zechariah 4:6

He had us all repeat the verse out loud.  And then again.  And again.  And AGAIN!

Not by might, not by power, but by my SPIRIT says the Lord!

This has remained with me all of these years especially when I feel spiritually attacked.  At the Inspire Women conference Friday night the night focused on our call, recognizing our call, and being obedient to follow our call.  As with each of us when we align our will with His lives our changed.  Not just your life but the lives around you.

And when positive change happens for the Lord then adversity is sure to follow.  In fact, I’ve come to anticipate it because it is my acknowledgement that I must be doing something right. 

I was reminded of this as Neal and I set eyes upon our storage unit.  Or what was once our storage unit.

We knew it was ours because of the tree.

 

What’s left of 3 cases of EXPOSED.

Christmas Decorations

 

The tree up close

 

We did manage to find the Llardro’s and a few Lennox ornaments given to the boys by their ‘Honey’. However the black soot just won’t come off.

Tomorrow I will go back with a friend and shovel through the layer of ash one last time to see if there are any other ornaments and then sign the release to abandon the unit.

This weekend our friends, the Twohy’s who’d also lost their possessions (pictures and such) in their storage unit, came and brought us our first ornaments.  Each one dated.

New beginnings.  New traditions to set.  By HIS SPIRIT we will carry on!

Say it with me out loud:

Not by might, not by power, but by my SPIRIT says the Lord!

Amen!

Blessings

Shannon

Overcomer (Day 291)

Tags

abuse, Addiction, Christ, Drug rehabilitation, Faith, healing, Mandisa, spirituality, Substance abuse, Substance dependence

Addiction is a beast and the enemy’s pet. Addiction is sometimes the only predictable in an unpredictable life. “I’ll have this drink and feel all right.” or “I’ll take these pills one last time to clear my head and I’ll think about all these decisions that bring so much fear and anxiety tomorrow.” or “One last high and I’ll get back to recovery tomorrow. It’s just so much damn work and I’m tired.”

Or worse, “I was addicted to heroin, meth, cocaine, (insert narcotic of choice here), but alcohol is different. At least I’m not blitzed out of my mind. Having a drink to calm my nerves or wind down from a crazy week won’t hurt.”

Unfortunately, if your chemical and psychological make up is of an ‘addictive’ personality then addiction applies to everything.

This is why I admire recovering addicts with great admiration. The strength it takes to overcome an addiction can only be found by the grace of God. I think about how hard it is for me to simply give up eating bread and how often I ‘fall’ or am ‘tempted’ and succumb to that temptation and it’s only a dinner roll! I can’t imagine if it were a substance that took away my pain and blinded me from my struggles for even a moment. It’s like drinking the apple cider from the apple vineyard in the Garden of Eve!!

A handful of the survivors I’ve been working with over these past few months happen to be addicted to something – drinking, pills, narcotics, eating disorders, etc. Their dependency of choice was what ironically kept them alive at the time because it is what they chose to hold on to whether it was to escape the ugliness of the abuse they suffered or the pain they continued to feel and suffer from the abuse.

I watched my sister from the age of 13 cry out loudly through addiction because she had no other way of voicing the pain she felt inside from the abuse and having to see her abuser every year. Shoot, I dabbled in blacking out my pain with alcohol that first year in college. Problem is I’m too much of a control freak to be controlled by addiction. Excuse me, that type of addiction. Needing to have all control of what was going on around me was (and at times still what I struggle with) my go to crutch.

It is not necessarily my expertise to work with recovering addicts. I am not a therapist, psychologist or drug counselor. My peer support helps to get to the root of what led to the addiction or what could be faced head on in order to continue to thrive and overcome the demon of addiction. However, in my experience between family, friends and survivors I’ve worked with along the way, the only way out of that deep dark pit is to look up to Christ and allow His light to shine directly on the source of the matter.

Yesterday in spiritual direction Fr.Alfonso gave me a visual for this exact point. We were discussing my work on healing and he said (Paraphrased) “It’s like if you have this pond and someone threw in an object that once it hits the water it disperses black ink. The ink spreads and eventually covers the entire pond making the water black and dirty to where you can’t see anything in it.

In order for the pond to be clear again you need to find the source of where the ink is coming from. So you find that object and you pull it out. You hold it in your hand and let the light of Christ shine upon it. Once it’s removed the source of the ink is gone and eventually the pond will clear up again.”

I’ve found this analogy to be true for my healing. Once I finally pulled the memories and truth of what had been done to me from the ‘pond’ and held it in my hand, allowing Christ to shine His light upon it, I began to clear up once again.

Sometimes it is hard to find that source because the water is so murky or so deep it’s too painful to try and locate so we give up. Possibly we might feel so covered and stained by the ink in the water that we deem it impossible to get clean even if the source is removed. However, when we are bathed in the light of Christ we are transformed anew.

No excuses. But it does have to be on the individual to go into their own pond and retrieve the source, to pull it out, and to present it to The Lord. No one else can enter our ponds which is why the only way an addict can ‘overcome’ is if they make that decision themselves to do the work.

Survivors of abuse have my heart not only because I am one among them but because I know the hard work, sweat and tears it takes to overcome. With every survivor I meet I’m in awe and admiration.

Yesterday one young woman said to me, “I was high and I didn’t want to be high. Something inside of me cried out and I thought, ‘I don’t want to just survive I want to overcome and thrive.” From that day forward she checked herself into a Christian based rehab and has thrown herself into the Word of God as her new ‘addiction’.

She is an overcomer and so are you (and me too! )!

Mandisa’s OVERCOMER (love love love this song!!)

Blessings Shannon