, , , , , , , , , ,

*This is an revisiting of the journey I took to ‘put the final nail’ in my abuser’s coffin*

I figured today I would blog as I could, give you the range of my emotions.  Right now it’s 7:37am and after a very fitful night of sleep I am hearing Martina McBride’s song Independence Day  in my head “Let freedom ring, let the white dove sing.  Let the whole world know that today is a day of reckoning.  Let the weak be strong.  Let the right be wrong.  Roll the stone away, let the guilty pay.  It’s Independence Day.

I have 3 hours before the funeral service.  My uncle called me last night to check in and make sure I made it in town ok.  He mentioned the family will gather at my grandfather’s house afterward.  I know I make them nervous.  Like I’m a ticking time bomb and they need to ‘handle me with delicate care.’  I suppose they are right. 😉  Seriously, my intention is not to ‘go off’ on anyone.  Or even discuss it for that matter.  They’ve hid their heads in the sand long enough there is nothing I can say now that would make them change the way they view or care about their father or father -in -law.  Not that it would be my place to anyway.

Serenity prayerToday is for me.  Even if he is ashes.  It is for me to know that I have a voice, even if it is words I’ll say in my head.  Heather thought of bringing an actual nail.  I thought that was funny. 😉  So at this moment I am numb, not expecting anything.  I might not feel anything at all.  And that’s okay.  Because simply making the trip here is therapeutic.  I felt I needed to do it and I am.

Ran 2.5 miles around the new Hotel building… Now sitting in the service. Nice to see my Uncles… I do love them. In the shower I had another memory… And through my tears I thought about when I’ve had moments of feeling others pain. I know I don’t wish him to hell and I feel for my uncles on ever embracing the truth of their father.

Im sitting in the back and I’m catching my breath.

Catch My Breath by Kelly Clarkson..




Exposed_cover_onlyGet your copy of Shannon’s memoir today for only $1.99 on Kindle.