Day of Reckoning Part 2 of an Incest Survivor’s Journey to Healing

Tags

Abuse survivors, catch my breath, child abuse, Faith, healing, healing from abuse, healing our wounds, incest survivors, journey to healing, kelly clarkson catch my breath, overcoming childabuse

*This is a revisiting of the journey I took to ‘put the final nail’ in my abuser’s coffin…*

—————————————-

I figured today I would blog as I could, give you the range of my emotions.  Right now it’s 7:37am and after a very fitful night of sleep I am hearing Martina McBride’s song Independence Day  in my head “Let freedom ring, let the white dove sing.  Let the whole world know that today is a day of reckoning.  Let the weak be strong.  Let the right be wrong.  Roll the stone away, let the guilty pay.  It’s Independence Day.”

I have 3 hours before the funeral service.  My uncle called me last night to check in and make sure I made it in town ok.  He mentioned the family will gather at my grandfather’s house afterward.  I know I make them nervous.  Like I’m a ticking time bomb and they need to ‘handle me with delicate care.’  I suppose they are right.  Seriously, my intention is not to ‘go off’ on anyone.  Or even discuss it for that matter.  They’ve hid their heads in the sand long enough there is nothing I can say now that would make them change the way they view or care about their father or father -in -law.  Not that it would be my place to anyway.

Today is for me.  Even if he is ashes.  It is for me to know that I have a voice, even if it is words I’ll say in my head.  Heather thought of bringing an actual nail.  I thought that was funny.  So at this moment I am numb, not expecting anything.  I might not feel anything at all.  And that’s okay.  Because simply making the trip here is therapeutic.  I felt I needed to do it and I am.

Ran 2.5 miles around the new Hotel building… Now sitting in the service. Nice to see my Uncles… I do love them. In the shower I had another memory… And through my tears I thought about when I’ve had moments of feeling others pain. I know I don’t wish him to hell and I feel for my uncles on ever embracing the truth of their father.

Im sitting in the back and I’m catching my breath.

Catch My Breath by Kelly Clarkson..

 

Blessings

Shannon

Get your copy of Shannon’s memoir today for only $1.99 on Kindle.

(Revisited) – The Final Nail in the Coffin (Part I of an Incest Survivor’s Journey)

Tags

Abuse survivors, As We Forgive Those, Charles F. Fink, forgiveness, healing from abuse, how to forgive, how to heal, incest survivors, overcoming abuse, overcoming sexual assault, Sexual Assualt Awareness Month

Because we have finished REDEEMED and I left off with the discovery of the memories with my grandfather, I felt some you might be interested in reading about the journey I took to his memorial service and have my ‘voice’.

~~~~~~~~

“Your grandfather died at 10:10pm.”  the text read.  It was 3:45am and I’d just woken up to go to my Friday 4:00am adoration hour.  I felt nothing.   I reread the text in the bathroom and still felt nothing.  Mechanically I dressed and headed to adoration.

When I arrived I saw two vehicles in the parking lot, the truck that belonged to the man who has the hour before me and the other car belonged to the older gentleman that comes in every morning to say a rosary.  Interesting fact, he was in the navy, as was my grandfather, and every time I see him I’ve wondered if they could have maybe been on the same ship.  They are the same age.  When I saw his car I thought to myself, “God I really don’t want to find out this man was buddies with my grandfather.”

In the chapel I knelt to pray and I had no words.  Instead I asked God to seep through me in any way possible.  I remembered, then, that the other couple that has the hour with me was not going to be there and the older gentleman who was praying the rosary usually comes at 4:30am but he was already done and within a few minutes walking out the door.  I had the chapel alone for the entire hour.

I allowed my thoughts to go wherever they needed and then finally pulled out the book I’d been sent by an author, Charles F. Fink,  who’d contacted me last week.  It’s called “As We Forgive Those“.

Two paragraphs in I knew God’s hand was all over this day.  Pen in hand I was marking, underlining, starring sections and nodding my head in agreement and understanding.  This book was about forgiveness but in a light that I needed to embrace.  For example,  Fink says:

 

Click to Order on Amazon

 

“Understanding is used too often as a convenient means to avoid and sidestep the process of acknowledging the hurts and wounds (which makes forgiving more effective).  We cannot truly forgive until we admit that the offense is as wounding as it really is, and therefore really does need to be forgiven.  When understanding becomes the substitute not only for forgiving but for sharing about feelings, healing does not occur.”

BAM! Right there in black and white this man was calling me out and I was listening.  There is so much more that this book has to offer but I was only able to get up to Chapter Two so far…I’m certain you will be hearing more of my ‘revelations’ as I continue to read.

However, this resonated through the day as I spoke with my mother who expressed her lack of desire to attend her father’s funeral.  The first of his ‘victims’ (or that we know of as his ‘first’) she received her closure long ago.  My older sister, yet another victim, displayed mixed emotions remembering the funny, charismatic side of my grandfather that was the ‘good’ side of his character and yet can’t erase the ugly.  “I cried,” she said.  “But I don’t need to go.  I received closure when I went to grandmother’s funeral and confronted him.  He admitted what he did to me but didn’t apologize.”   My younger sister is indifferent all together when he chose to write us all off when my mother ‘came out’ and released the skeletons from the closet.

Me?  Well I sat for most of the day trying to rationalize why I had this deep seeded need to go to this man’s funeral.  Not necessarily for him but for me.  Neal didn’t understand, worried for me and for my true intentions.  He didn’t get it.  He supports me if I go but is simply worried.  Surprisingly it’s my younger sister’s significant other, Heather, that ‘gets it’.  She offered to go with me because she doesn’t think I should be alone.

My friends expressed their love and concern telling me to pray and God would reveal what I should do.  And that is what I did.  Would you know that I received a phone call from Dr. ‘C’ who is over the Right to Life for our Archdiocese to talk about the Maria Goretti Network.  In this phone conversation, once we dealt with the ‘business’ aspect, we were talking about the people we work with, the raw emotions, the need for healing, etc.  “May I ask you a personal question?” I said.

“Yes, of course,” she replied.

And so I told her about what has been going on with me over these last few months and how my grandfather passed away last night.

“Oh,” she said, “I bet you feel the need to go and put the final nail in the coffin so to speak?”

This rush of peace swept over me.  “Yes! exactly.  I don’t know why but I feel like I need to go.”

“Of course,” she said.  “You haven’t seen or heard from him in years and especially since all your memories came back.  You need to go and see that he is dead.  Pray and say what you need to say and leave.  That’s it.”

There it was, my answer and my validation.  So I took Heather up on her offer.  One catch with Heather…she doesn’t fly.    So we will be driving to New Mexico and we are going to take my little 6 mo. old nephew, Riley, per my request.   What a better way to end this ‘Sexual Assault Awareness and Childhood Abuse Awareness Month’ don’t you think?  You won’t want to miss those blogs!

It is a crazy situation but the purpose is for healing and forgiveness.

Blessings

Shannon

FINAL DAY to get your copy of Shannon’s memoir for FREE.

Day of Reckoning (Part 2 of an Incest Survivor’s Journey to Healing)

Tags

Abuse survivors, catch my breath, child abuse, Faith, healing, healing from abuse, healing our wounds, incest survivors, journey to healing, kelly clarkson catch my breath, overcoming childabuse

*This is an revisiting of the journey I took to ‘put the final nail’ in my abuser’s coffin*

I figured today I would blog as I could, give you the range of my emotions.  Right now it’s 7:37am and after a very fitful night of sleep I am hearing Martina McBride’s song Independence Day  in my head “Let freedom ring, let the white dove sing.  Let the whole world know that today is a day of reckoning.  Let the weak be strong.  Let the right be wrong.  Roll the stone away, let the guilty pay.  It’s Independence Day.”

I have 3 hours before the funeral service.  My uncle called me last night to check in and make sure I made it in town ok.  He mentioned the family will gather at my grandfather’s house afterward.  I know I make them nervous.  Like I’m a ticking time bomb and they need to ‘handle me with delicate care.’  I suppose they are right.  Seriously, my intention is not to ‘go off’ on anyone.  Or even discuss it for that matter.  They’ve hid their heads in the sand long enough there is nothing I can say now that would make them change the way they view or care about their father or father -in -law.  Not that it would be my place to anyway.

Today is for me.  Even if he is ashes.  It is for me to know that I have a voice, even if it is words I’ll say in my head.  Heather thought of bringing an actual nail.  I thought that was funny.  So at this moment I am numb, not expecting anything.  I might not feel anything at all.  And that’s okay.  Because simply making the trip here is therapeutic.  I felt I needed to do it and I am.

Ran 2.5 miles around the new Hotel building… Now sitting in the service. Nice to see my Uncles… I do love them. In the shower I had another memory… And through my tears I thought about when I’ve had moments of feeling others pain. I know I don’t wish him to hell and I feel for my uncles on ever embracing the truth of their father.

Im sitting in the back and I’m catching my breath.

Catch My Breath by Kelly Clarkson..

 

Blessings

Shannon

Get your copy of Shannon’s memoir today for only $1.99 on Kindle.

The Final Nail in the Coffin (Part I of an Incest Survivor’s Journey)

Tags

Abuse survivors, As We Forgive Those, Charles F. Fink, forgiveness, healing from abuse, how to forgive, how to heal, incest survivors, overcoming abuse, overcoming sexual assault, Sexual Assualt Awareness Month

*As promised, the next few days I will revisit the journey I took to find some sort of healing in the wake of acknowledging what I’d been through with my grandfather and the abuse.*

~~~~~~~~

“Your grandfather died at 10:10pm.”  the text read.  It was 3:45am and I’d just woken up to go to my Friday 4:00am adoration hour.  I felt nothing.   I reread the text in the bathroom and still felt nothing.  Mechanically I dressed and headed to adoration.

When I arrived I saw two vehicles in the parking lot, the truck that belonged to the man who has the hour before me and the other car belonged to the older gentleman that comes in every morning to say a rosary.  Interesting fact, he was in the navy, as was my grandfather, and every time I see him I’ve wondered if they could have maybe been on the same ship.  They are the same age.  When I saw his car I thought to myself, “God I really don’t want to find out this man was buddies with my grandfather.”

In the chapel I knelt to pray and I had no words.  Instead I asked God to seep through me in any way possible.  I remembered, then, that the other couple that has the hour with me was not going to be there and the older gentleman who was praying the rosary usually comes at 4:30am but he was already done and within a few minutes walking out the door.  I had the chapel alone for the entire hour.

I allowed my thoughts to go wherever they needed and then finally pulled out the book I’d been sent by an author, Charles F. Fink,  who’d contacted me last week.  It’s called “As We Forgive Those“.

Two paragraphs in I knew God’s hand was all over this day.  Pen in hand I was marking, underlining, starring sections and nodding my head in agreement and understanding.  This book was about forgiveness but in a light that I needed to embrace.  For example,  Fink says:

 

 

“Understanding is used too often as a convenient means to avoid and sidestep the process of acknowledging the hurts and wounds (which makes forgiving more effective).  We cannot truly forgive until we admit that the offense is as wounding as it really is, and therefore really does need to be forgiven.  When understanding becomes the substitute not only for forgiving but for sharing about feelings, healing does not occur.”

BAM! Right there in black and white this man was calling me out and I was listening.  There is so much more that this book has to offer but I was only able to get up to Chapter Two so far…I’m certain you will be hearing more of my ‘revelations’ as I continue to read.

However, this resonated through the day as I spoke with my mother who expressed her lack of desire to attend her father’s funeral.  The first of his ‘victims’ (or that we know of as his ‘first’) she received her closure long ago.  My older sister, yet another victim, displayed mixed emotions remembering the funny, charismatic side of my grandfather that was the ‘good’ side of his character and yet can’t erase the ugly.  “I cried,” she said.  “But I don’t need to go.  I received closure when I went to grandmother’s funeral and confronted him.  He admitted what he did to me but didn’t apologize.”   My younger sister is indifferent all together when he chose to write us all off when my mother ‘came out’ and released the skeletons from the closet.

Me?  Well I sat for most of the day trying to rationalize why I had this deep seeded need to go to this man’s funeral.  Not necessarily for him but for me.  Neal didn’t understand, worried for me and for my true intentions.  He didn’t get it.  He supports me if I go but is simply worried.  Surprisingly it’s my younger sister’s significant other, Heather, that ‘gets it’.  She offered to go with me because she doesn’t think I should be alone.

My friends expressed their love and concern telling me to pray and God would reveal what I should do.  And that is what I did.  Would you know that I received a phone call from Dr. ‘C’ who is over the Right to Life for our Archdiocese to talk about the Maria Goretti Network.  In this phone conversation, once we dealt with the ‘business’ aspect, we were talking about the people we work with, the raw emotions, the need for healing, etc.  “May I ask you a personal question?” I said.

“Yes, of course,” she replied.

And so I told her about what has been going on with me over these last few months and how my grandfather passed away last night.

“Oh,” she said, “I bet you feel the need to go and put the final nail in the coffin so to speak?”

This rush of peace swept over me.  “Yes! exactly.  I don’t know why but I feel like I need to go.”

“Of course,” she said.  “You haven’t seen or heard from him in years and especially since all your memories came back.  You need to go and see that he is dead.  Pray and say what you need to say and leave.  That’s it.”

There it was, my answer and my validation.  So I took Heather up on her offer.  One catch with Heather…she doesn’t fly.    So we will be driving to New Mexico and we are going to take my little 6 mo. old nephew, Riley, per my request.   What a better way to end this ‘Sexual Assault Awareness and Childhood Abuse Awareness Month’ don’t you think?  You won’t want to miss those blogs!

It is a crazy situation but the purpose is for healing and forgiveness.

Blessings

Shannon

Get your copy of Shannon’s memoir today for only $1.99 on Kindle.

Sibling Incest Survivor Speaks Out on Duggars (Healing in Her Voice)

Tags

abuse, Abuse survivors, child abuse survivors, Duggar family, Duggar interview, Duggar victims, Duggars, having a voice, healing after abuse, healing from abuse, incest survivors, Josh Duggar, overcoming abuse, sibling incest

The Duggar family abuse story has stirred up a hornets nest of varying emotions and controversies from all ages, genders, religious and political affiliations. What matters to me most is the survivors of the abuse.

Admittedly I have not seen the entire Fox News interview with Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar or with their daughters, two of the victims who voluntarily admitted the abuse happened to them. I am traveling with my husband and have tried to remain true to being ‘internet free’ but I received a message yesterday from a sibling incest survivor that deserves to be heard by many.

Hopeful Hearts Ministry is about giving a VOICE to survivors of abuse and it is my pleasure to share this VOICE with all of you. I referenced the horrific abuse of this young woman in my last article on the Duggars. What is to follow is her personal commentary and her opinion. She wanted to share not only to be heard but to help others who might be feeling the same as she.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

…I rarely watch the news, or even read the court news as I don’t want to hear about abuse cases. Not because I don’t care, it’s because I do care and I can relate. I looked at my Facebook before work and saw once again the news feed was raging with more articles about the Duggar case. I was drawn to read it. I started to skim through it.

All my life I felt lesser of a family member. It didn’t matter how good of a child I was in school, how kind hearted, etc. I was always the one to blame no matter how small or great the deed. I always felt the reason I was being abused was because I must be this bad child. I know a lot of kids have sibling rivalry, like fighting over the remote or the last cupcake, staying up late etc. When the sibling crosses the line and hurt another in any way its wrong…..

So as I read quickly through the latest news article, something inside of me flared up. Here was a mother and father who were aware of the abuse, and who knew it had not stopped but thought more of the son than the girls lives he was ruining. So I took a breath and kept reading. I wasn’t shocked but sickened by what I read next. The parents gave excuses for the abuser…’oh sometimes the victims were clothed’ or ‘oh they were asleep or weren’t old enough to understand.’ Well I thought I was going to scream!

I am 37 years old and I can recall the first time he hurt me. I was about three, and for being asleep or clothed, when did that make abuse not abuse? I would love to know where these people got their facts. Ask any victim of sexual abuse what the impact has been on their lives because of the actions of another brother. I’m sure the impact has and is a great one in their lives and not in a positive way.

I always have and still do feel lesser of a family member just because my abuse wasn’t stopped but hidden, put under the rug. I was treated like the bad person while he was treated like gold. I don’t want other victims of abuse, especially those at the hands of family, to feel the same way. It is not your fault nor has it ever been. Anyone that tells you it is are the ones with the problem and in denial. To be honest I have been struggling with my past and have not disclosed. After reading this article I feel drawn to speak to others and let them know it is not our pain and shame anymore. We need to fight and put it back where it belongs to the abuser.

What bothers me most about the whole situation is the disregard for the victims mental health,or lives for that matter.Then to hear two of his sisters speak out saying they don’t consider him as a child molester….well then what the frig is he? It is not normal or right for a brother to touch a sister in that way with or without clothes on!! Asleep, awake, doesn’t make a difference. And to have had to tell his parents three times? Three times…just goes to show they have shown no regard for these victims and that hurts my heart. I know what these girls are doing because I’ve been there. They’ve been brainwashed to feel the bad person, or that if it ‘hurt them’ to get over it. Breaks my heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Obviously we can’t speak for these young women who are Josh Duggar’s siblings and victims. I do agree that the family is not helping the situation when they ‘speak out’ because I have yet to hear them back up the victims…I’m hearing a lot of backing and excuses for the brother/son. I can’t imagine the pain that is pulsating on all sides in this family. Being an incest survivor by the hands of my own grandfather I understand that desire to want to wish it away, the inability to look at this person who is on all outward accounts ‘normal’, loved, well-liked, etc. and then to associate them with such evil. Even as the victim I found that difficult because it doesn’t compute.

This topic is difficult because there are so many facets to reveal that abuse has kept covered. As I’ve said before God brings a greater good from every situation and I’m certain He will use this to help dig up the deepest darkest secrets of abuse and bring healing and hope to the world of victims.

Blessings

Shannon

Cleaning Out Your Fridge – Advice for Survivors (Healing from the Inside Out)

Tags

Child Abuse Prevention, cleaning out the fridge, healing, healing from abuse, life after abuse, life after rape, overcoming abuse, Sexual Assault Awareness, survivors of abuse, working on our past

“I thought I dealt with the abuse. I went 10, 20, 30 years without issue so why is it coming up now?” This is a common statement from survivors, especially those of us in the ‘older generations’ who were not as comfortable as the new generation in ‘therapy’ and blogging and posting our feelings and inner struggles for the world to empathize or judge. In the past few weeks I’ve received more than one email from places as far as the UK and Africa from survivors who have either stated how they thought they had ‘gotten past the abuse’ but now the memories, flashbacks, triggers etc are stronger than ever. One survivor realized in order for her to thrive she knew she needed to deal with what kept coming up instead of trying to push it back down -BRAVO – so she confronted her perpetrator. Wow. Talk about deep cleaning!

Often the way one has ‘survived’ abuse is by knowing how to ‘stuff’ the effects away in order to move forward. We learn coping mechanisms that are both healthy and unhealthy. The danger is when we get past the period of abuse and fail to stop to take the time and energy needed to work through the effects of what lingers from the abuse. Too often a survivor will get past the period of abuse and desperate to ‘be normal’ it gets stuffed deep inside to fester and spoil.

It’s like forgetting there are leftovers in the fridge that either need to be eaten or thrown away but with each day new stuff gets put into the fridge and pushes the container of leftovers to the back till one day you open the fridge door and a smells cinges the hairs in your nose. “What is that?” you think and do a quick glance through but can’t see the culprit right in front of you so you shut the door and forget about it.

That night your husband comes home and opens the fridge to grab a drink, “What the heck is that smell?” He squinches up his nose in disgust and closes the door because he figures its your job to find the culprit. But you forget about it because you leave to go out of town and when you get back the smell is now emitting from the fridge and saturated the air in the house. It can’t be ignored anymore you have to stop what you are doing and take the time to clean out the fridge.

You dawn a pair of latex gloves and because the smell is so bad a mask. When you open the fridge the smell crashes into you like a wave and brings tears to your eyes. You wish you could reach in and grab whatever it is that is causing the smell and throw it away but there is so much food that is salvageable right in front of you it’s not easy to find. You have to take out everything on the shelves one by one and inspect the dates and, if it’s a closed container, what is in side.

As you start taking your ‘stuff’ out of the fridge you see how dirty the shelves are and realize the fridge hasn’t been cleaned since you purchased it years before. The dread of having to take everything out in order to not only find the smell but to clean the fridge causes you to want to throw in the towel before you even begun but you are standing there with the gloves and mask on and the afternoon had been miraculously freed up so there was no excuse.

Before you know it you have lined up ice chests behind you to save the salvageable good items (all of the positive gifts and talents that have been hidden by the clutter and stench of the trash) as you clean and soon you realize there were a lot of items in the fridge that were expired and most likely adding to the main culprit. Now you reach deep into the back of the last shelf and there it is, a closed container that has mildew creeping out of the edges of the lid. You hold onto the culprit and feel victorious for having found it but also curious as to what it was that had been left behind. You open the lid to find and unrecognizable casserole that has mounds of mold in all shades of greens and blues.

The smell is atrocious but it is fascinating to see what has become of this concoction. Finally you bid it farewell and put it in its own sealable bag, bag it again, and then throw it away. Feeling accomplished you turn back to the task at hand. Even though you found the culprit now you have a half-empty refrigerator that still needs to be cleaned out with other expired items. It takes time but the deeper you get into cleaning the better you feel and you can’t possibly put back the good items into a frig with dirty shelves.

It takes the entire afternoon but finally your task is complete. “Next time I won’t wait years to clean this fridge.” you say to yourself because you realize the job is so much easier when you keep track of what’s going in and what’s coming out.

Survivors are often reluctant to take the first step of digging into their past because the task seems daunting and at times they are afraid of what they’ll find. Sometimes some choose to deny and ignore and don’t realize the stench (effects) of abuse are following them around, seeped into their actions and reactions. Already affecting their marriages, friendships, etc.

However, when they finally recognize the stench (effects) are affecting everyone around them and they are the only one who is capable of finding the culprit then the grace is given to take the first step. Once we take the time to look into what has been done or said to us, how we have handled it, how it has affected other moments in our lives, it is easier to open the lid despite the smell.

I encourage you, if you have suffered any type of abuse or assault in your past and you have chosen to ‘put it aside’ consider giving yourself the gift to take the time and clean out the fridge. It is a tough first step but the reward is great!

Blessings

Shannon

Spirit Snatchers (Unseen Healing)

Tags

Faith is Not a Feeling, God's grace, God's mercy, healing from abuse, healing from betrayal, healing from depression, Josh Wilson, overcoming abuse, overcoming betrayal, overcoming depression, spirit snatchers

‘Even in my darkest days I’m going to keep believing.’ 

This morning I was given the gift to catch up with a dear friend of mine who has seen some dark days of her own in the past few years suffering through the ugly ‘spirit snatcher’ otherwise known as cancer. Thankfully her spirit is stronger and built with faithful endurance. She is in remission but her fight was tough and it can be so easy to give up and allow whatever the ‘spirit snatcher’ might be to prevail but when we have faith in Christ we can do all things…even fight the ugliest spirit snatchers such as depression, anger, melancholy, complacency, negativity, fear, selfishness, loneliness and loathing.

Just before we hung up she suggested I listen to a song that she listens to on a daily basis: “Faith is Not a Feeling” by Josh Wilson. I did and I knew I needed to share this today. When a lyric embeds into my heart I know it is worth sharing.

“Faith Is Not A Feeling”

I remember when Your light came in.
I was ten years old with the faith of a kid,
I felt like I could walk on water then,
Wish that I could feel that again.But I have learned that feelings come and go,
And we all know emotions ebb and flow.
Some days I gotta trust what I already know
That You never let go, You never let go.

So when I don’t feel You moving,
That doesn’t mean that You have disappeared.
And when I don’t feel You with me, oh God
That doesn’t mean You’re not here.

So I keep on believing, yeah
Cause faith is not a feeling, oh
Yeah I keep on believing, yeah
Cause faith is not a feeling, oh

There are days I hear You loud and clear,
Like nothing in the world could interfere.
And I can sense You deep, deep down in my bones,
And I know I’m not alone, I know I’m not alone.

But when I don’t feel You moving,
That doesn’t mean that You have disappeared.
And when I don’t feel You with me, oh God
That doesn’t mean You’re not here.

So I keep on believing, yeah
Cause faith is not a feeling, oh
Yeah I keep on believing, yeah
Cause faith is not a feeling, oh

Don’t matter what comes my way
Gonna keep, keep believing
Even on my darkest days
Gonna keep, keep believing

Don’t matter what comes my way
Gonna keep, keep believing
Even on my darkest days

Yeah like when I don’t feel You moving,
That doesn’t mean that You have disappeared.
And when I don’t feel You with me, oh God
That doesn’t mean You’re not here.

Oh when I don’t feel You moving,
That doesn’t mean that You have disappeared.
And when I don’t feel You with me, oh God
That doesn’t mean You’re not here.

So I keep on believing, yeah
Cause faith is not a feeling, oh
Yeah I keep on believing, yeah
Faith is not a feeling, oh

It’s not a feeling
Faith is not a feeling
Don’t matter what comes my way
Gonna keep, keep believing
Don’t matter what comes my way
Gonna keep, keep believing

Here is the YouTube video for those who would like to hear the song as well:

I’m happy to report that praying daily, asking God to take away the ‘spirit snatchers’ from my life has helped me to open the gift of HOPE and realize that even though I might not feel it every day it is there and in the end God’s LOVE and MERCY will prevail in all things.

Keep on believing!

Blessings

Shannon

Self-Care (Healing 101)

Tags

be good to yourself, healing 101, healing from abuse, healing from betrayal, healing from tragedy, how to do self care, how to overcome abuse, how to overcome betrayal, how to overcome tragedy, self care, the steps to self care, what is self care

I’m back! 

The retreat was difficult. Enlightening. Healing. Informative.

Communication is a skill that you would think comes so easily and yet there is a dynamic in dealing with others that to communicate effectively takes great skill. We get so used to reacting or responding in one way so to re-form the reactions and responses to better communicate on a level that is both tender to self and to others means a great deal of practice needs to go into the process before it becomes natural.

I am dealing with this today. Trying to not react or respond in the my usual way. It isn’t easy.

There is so much from what I learned on the retreat that I will share as the weeks unfold but the main ‘meat’ of the retreat I will respectively keep close for the respect of myself and the others in attendance.

One nugget I am grasping this morning is learning how to ‘self-care’. This isn’t necessarily going out and getting a pedicure or massage (thought those are great self-care activities). What I’m working on this morning is listening to what my heart is feeling and though some around me might not understand or receive my heart in its current state of healing I am the only one responsible for loving and nurturing ‘me’ the way I need.

I can’t change you but I can change me.

On the retreat we were given four questions to ask ourselves when we felt our buttons pushed:

1) What am I feeling?

2) What do I normally do?

3) What is the truth?

4) What can I do differently?

Obviously the toughest step is retreating when the button is pushed and having the maturity to ask the questions and the humility to do different.

It is all a process. Healing 101

Do the best you can and if someone else tells you they don’t ‘think’ you are doing enough or what they think you should be doing then remember – retreat. Take care of you. They can ‘think’ what they want but that is their response and reaction not yours. They probably need to do a bit of their own self-love. If your truth is that you are doing the best you can then that is your truth.

It takes TIME. Time takes patience. Patience takes humility. Humility takes maturity. Maturity takes personal growth. And GOD is needed in all the above!

Blessings

Shannon

Hopeful Hearts Gala – We had a SWEET Time!!!

Tags

celebrating survivors, healing, healing after tragedy, healing from abuse, Hopeful Hearts Gala, overcoming abuse, overcoming tragedy, Snapcounts, survivors healing

Joy overflows and bubbles up within me. I prayed for a ‘decent’ showing of people and support for the first Hopeful Hearts Gala and the day before it began we had SO MUCH support that we had to switch to a bigger ballroom to accommodate everyone! The BEST problem to have.

*Pictures provided by SnapCounts Photography

I wanted the night to be FUN, INFORMATIVE, AND MORE FUN. God delivered!

And we had FUN FUN FUN!!!!

And we can’t forget the SWEETS for the SWEET!

The band played till it was literally closing time. An amazing evening and a great ‘FIRST’ gala! I can’t wait till next year!

THANK YOU  to every single person who contributed to the evening.

• The women on the gala committee who worked their tushes off, spent their own dimes and dollars, and put their LOVE and hard work into the evening – I’m INDEBTED to you!!!
• To the SPONSORS and to ALL OF THOSE WHO ATTENDED – thank you for the support!!!
• To all of you who sent in donations but couldn’t make the event  – YOU ARE A BLESSING
• To 5th Avenue Band who ROCKED THE HOUSE!! It was not a party without you!!
• And to every single person across the globe who sent me messages of support and encouragement PRAYING for me and the evening – LOVE YOU!!!!

And to my husband, Neal, for making a dream of mine come to fruition from the get go – your support and understanding means the world to me. I love you and I thank you.

Finally thank you to GOD ALMIGHTY who gave a call to a wounded woman … thank you for healing me as I help lead others to your healing grace.

To see all 174 pictures taken of the event go to SnapCounts.com and for every photo purchased Hopeful Hearts Ministry receives 15%! Thank you Andrea Blizman!

If you missed this year DON’T WORRY we will do it again next year!! And we would be more than happy to continue to receive your donations and support.

Blessings

Shannon

Raise a Glass! (Healing at it’s finest)

Tags

Abuse survivors, celebrating you, healing, healing after abuse, healing from abuse, overcoming abuse, overcoming tragedy

TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT!!!!

Since the inception of Hopeful Hearts Ministry I have dreamed of having our ‘first gala’ not ‘just’ to raise funds but to provide an evening of FUN and LAUGHTER and DANCING for survivors to smile about life!

It is upon us now. I can’t believe it. Yesterday we were at the venue and realized so many people had signed up that we are having to move to a bigger room!!!

What I love the most is to hear from the survivors who are traveling from all over the area to be here expressing their anticipation and excitement for the evening as well. This one is for us!

This night is about celebrating our strength, rejoicing in our courage, and highlighting our true worth and dignity that doesn’t have to be masked by the shame of what has been done to us.

Yesterday I received an email from a fellow survivor and she said, “Raise a glass for me.” And it hit me…ABSOLUTELY I’ll raise a glass for us all! Because tonight we are celebrating US!

Blessings

Shannon