One Woman’s Road to Forgiveness (Healing in the Struggle of Forgiveness)

Tags

APOSTLE BARBARA KIZZIE, forgiving, FORGIVING EVIL, FORGIVING THOSE WHO'VE HURT US, GOD IN THE MIDST, healing after abuse, healing after tragedy, how to forgive, praying for our enemies, real people, real stories, ROAD TO FORGIVNESS, spiritual warfare

** Flashback post…my sons begin school this week, my husband had his 25th high school reunion last week, and well, LIFE happens right? It is always good to have the chance to re-post some of these older nuggets of grace. Today’s post we get to hear one woman’s very brave story. Be blessed.**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The release of my personal I Have a Voice video this week has been a bit nerve-wracking. I’ll be the first to admit that when I was shown the preliminary video my instinct was to say “No, don’t say that…I mean I only saw him once a year so it wasn’t ‘that bad’.” Or, “My story isn’t as significant as the others.” And better yet, “I look so old! Look at all those wrinkles and the way my shirt puffs up and bags out, I look like I’m twenty pounds heavier!” Can we say VANITY? 😉 But when I spoke to a fellow survivor about these things she said what I already knew to be true, “You are putting the tape on that little girl’s mouth. This is the same reaction we all have and it’s exactly why no one speaks up.”

So I let it go. And I’m so glad I did! The next day I read this blog post from a fellow blogger. Her words are eloquent and I highly recommend the read: DRIVING OVER WATER

I also received this amazing story from a beautiful woman I met at the International Christian Retail Show. I was taken by her road to forgiveness and wanted to share it with you all. Here is ‘Apostle Barbara Kizzie’s Story’:

[box] I opened my mouth and without thinking, “Jesus I love you with all my heart” bubbled up out of my spirit. I realized that not only did I love Jesus but that I am in love with Him. I have completely dedicated my heart, my life, my entire being to Him.

I was born again in 1971 but through my teens, twenties and most of my thirties I only called on Jesus when I needed help, otherwise I was, or thought I was, on my own. When I was baptized with the Holy Spirit on June 9, 1991, It Was On!!! My new life in Christ Jesus really began. I could hear Him clearly. One day the Lord said, it is time to clean out your heart. There is something that has been like a dark thread woven deep into the fabric of your life. We must get it out…it is unforgiveness.

Then He brought back to my remembrance how my Grandfather molested me when I was a young teenager. I loved my grandparents. I wanted to be with them, spend the weekend at their house, run errands for them and listen to all their stories of the past. My grandfather was a deacon in the Methodist Church down the street, my grandmother went to the Baptist Church about a mile away and I went to the Lutheran Church across the street. On Sundays my grandfather and I would get home first. When we were alone one Sunday, my grandfather began to touch my breast. I told him to stop, ran into the bathroom and locked the door. I did not come out until my grandmother came home. I didn’t tell anyone what happened. About a month or so later, I went back because I still wanted to see them and to go to Church. My grandfather tried to do it again….I never went back alone.

Everyone thought that I was being a teenager and didn’t have time for my grandparents anymore. I really missed them. I started going to the Baptist Church with my Mom and got saved there. I went away to college, got married and had a daughter. We rarely went to Church, yet there was a hunger and thirst in my heart for Jesus.

When I was 36 years old, the Lord said, Now it’s time to forgive your grandfather. The Lord let me know that the feeling of being betrayed had infiltrated my life. He helped me to realize that I was waiting for my grandfather to say I’m sorry and that he would never say it. Hearing “I’m sorry”, was not required for me to forgive my grandfather. Jesus was on the cross for something that He didn’t do, He was lied on, spat on and treated with disrespect. While He was in pain and near death, He said, Father forgive them for they know not what they do! The Lord said I will give you My forgiveness so that you can forgive your grandfather.

I prayed a prayer: Lord I receive Your forgiveness and now I choose to forgive my grandfather and release out love and forgiveness to him. In Jesus Name Amen. I felt a weight lift off my heart and shoulders. Days after the prayer, I was driving and the Lord said I want you to go pray the prayer of salvation with your grandfather. By that time, I was living in New Jersey. My grandparents were in Illinois. I began to give God my grandfather’s spiritual resume. Lord, my grandfather has been a deacon in the Church for over 50 years. People say that when he prays they feel Your presence. The Lord said to me, in a big booming voice that thundered through my entire being: IF YOU DON’T GO PRAY WITH HIM, HE IS GOING TO HELL!

I cried uncontrollably as I pulled to the side of the road. I asked for forgiveness and said, “Yes Lord I will go.” I called my mother and told her. She said do what the Lord tells you to do. My mother went with me to my grandparent’s house. My grandfather was 87 years old and hard of hearing. He and my grandmother were in the kitchen. Mom sat in the corner and began to pray.

I sat next to my grandfather and said, “The Lord forgives you for all that you have done. He loves you and wants you to be saved. Granddaddy repeat after me, ‘Dear Lord Jesus.’

My grandfather said, ‘Dear Lee Martin*’…that was his name.

I said, “No Granddaddy say ‘Dear Lord Jesus.'”

He said, “Dear Lord Jesus.”

I said, “I Love You with all my heart.”

He said, “I love you with all my body.”

Then I realized that the enemy was speaking through him and for the first time, I went into spiritual warfare. “The blood of Jesus is over you,” I said. “Satan take your hands off my grandfather…the Blood of Jesus is against you…come out now in Jesus Name.” Then I said to my grandfather, “Repeat after me. ‘Dear Lord Jesus I love You with all my heart.”

He said,”Dear Lord Jesus I love You with all my heart.” Suddenly a big tear rolled out of his right eye and a big smile filled face.

I heard the Lord say, ‘He is in eternity with us now.’ My mother, grandmother and I began to rejoice knowing that my grandfather was saved! Not too long after that my grandfather’s health declined and he went Home to be with the Lord in 1994 at the age of 91. The Lord taught me that forgiveness is the best thing we can do for ourselves. Urbandictionary.com says that holding unforgiveness against someone is like drinking poison hoping the other person gets sick. The Lord said that unforgiveness puts a lock on the person’s heart. A locked up heart stops the love of God from being shed abroad in one’s heart. When we forgive the lock is destroyed and the love of God flows in our hearts and to others. [/box]

Apostle Barbara Kizzie

Barbara Kizzie received Jesus as her Lord and Savior in 1971 and was called to ministry in 1991. She is an ordained minister who loves the Lord with all her heart.

In 2011, by the leading of the Lord she founded “God in the Midst” Christian Fellowship an apostolic organization that encourages, edifies and equips home, small and para-Church ministries. She is the host of the God In The Midst (GITM) Internet Radio Show that airs every Thursday night at 9pm CST (10pm EST). To listen and participate in the show call: 619-639-4733 or go to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/GODINTHEMIDST Her facebook /God In The Midst and twitter @GITM4GOD give glory to God and is a blessing to the Body of Christ.

*Names have been changed*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you to Ms. Barbara for sharing your story with all of us! You are a beautiful survivor. These stories and reading other blogs such as the above “MudTherapist’s ‘Driving Over Water'” giving VOICE to what has been kept up in the dark for so long is GLORIOUS to me! No better way for all of us to SHOW UP!

Be encouraged and strengthened in the little moments that speak to your heart today.

Blessings

Shannon
Exposed_cover_only Get your copy of Shannon Deitz’s personal story, EXPOSED for only $1.99 on Kindle.

 

 

 

JennikasIf you live in the Kingwood area get your SIGNED copy of EXPOSED and the Hopeful Hearts Charms at Jennika’s on Kings Harbor.

Let God Speak (Day 218)

Tags

being God's voice, Faith, following Christ, hearing God, real people, real stories, spirituality

Twelve years ago I volunteered to be a chaperone for the high school confirmation retreat at my church. I was comparatively equal to a teenager in my spiritual growth at the time but hungry to soak in every opportunity to learn and grow. I apparently played a good game of knowing something because I was asked to give a talk on the retreat. I’d like to think the Holy Spirit was so alive in me it’s all anyone could see.

I’ll never forget that first talk. I was honest about my experience of confirmation. How I failed to see the gift in receiving the Holy Spirit and recognizing the true freedom a relationship with Christ could bring.

After the talk a young man wanted to speak with me. We sat out on the porch and I listened to this young man’s personal concerns and situations he suffered that affected him deeply. I remember how desperate I felt listening to him, fearful he’d make the same mistakes as I did and walk away from the gift of faith.

I don’t recall what I had said but I remember whatever God gave me to say affected him enough that later he asked me to be his sponsor. I was honored and took the position seriously, making sure to be involved in his spiritual growth.

I’ve kept in touch with this young man off and on throughout the years and have always been proud of the young adult he has become. However, nothing could prepare me for the gift I received from him this morning. I woke up to the following message:

“I just spent and hour on the phone with a past client from the group home I work at…..he was crying and upset, talked a lot about ending his life because he couldn’t deal with family stress and his situation.

I tell you this because I am your disciple. I feel like God spoke through me tonight like God spoke through you when I told you about my life when I was young. I still remember you telling me that God had a reason for us to speak. I’ve never ever let go of that, and its been so very profound in my life that felt I could follow you into a pit of hell and if you told me it would be okay, I would truly believe it.

This may sound strange and out of the blue but…. What you did for me has stayed with me and I feel like you have opened a channel in me that let’s God speak through me as well. I never felt a true connection with Jesus and the whole disciple ideology until I met you. This is what it is like. You don’t make me feel silly when I tell you things because I feel loved and know that you would never judge me. I feel like no matter how big an obstacle I faced, if you said I would get through it, I would.

I’m so very grateful I was able to help the 16 year old boy tonight…and I don’t think I could have done it without you. I am humbled by your love and caring, and I pray to God I can repay you for it someday. Thank you Shannon.”

I told him he already repaid me by being a voice of God’s love to that 16 year old young man.

Now, side note, NO I do not encourage people to think of themselves as ‘my disciples’. The ONLY person with disciples is JESUS CHRIST. What I believe he is saying is that he saw Christ IN me and hence wanted to strive for the same. Isn’t that what we are all called to do as Christians? Be disciples of Christ?

What is a greater gift for me is knowing what began in this young man was so many years ago and at a time when I felt like the least person that deserved to be imitated or followed in any way. Just goes to show when we are mirroring His image and love, desiring to follow His will and loving others as we love Him your yesterday doesn’t matter.

Have you made the decision today to follow God’s will? When you do it’s like a ripple effect and changes the lives of those around you as well.

Blessings
Shannon

An Answered Prayer After Five Years (Day 214)

Tags

answered prayer, Ezekiel 22:10, healing after rape, personal stories, prayer, rape survivor, real people, survivor's story

Days like today make me feel secure in my faith and filled with the warmth of God’s love.

A friend of mine got me in contact with a young 17-year-old woman who was a rape survivor. This young woman confided in my friend that she was struggling with what had happened. When I was called and asked to speak to this young woman this was all I knew. I did not know the specifics behind the rape or how long ago it had happened.

When I meet with survivors (or speak with them on the phone) I like to have enough time set aside to hear their story. I believe the number one step in healing is to be able to talk about what had been done and to feel secure and safe talking to someone who can relate to those feelings. When I was given this young woman’s information we were not able to connect due to her work schedule so for now we’d been texting trying to find a time to meet.

Anxious to speak with her I asked if there was a way to meet with her briefly, long enough to get a book and charm to her, something to give her encouragement and strength. We finally had the chance to meet briefly this morning before she went into work.

I met at her work place and in the few minutes we had I asked a question that led her to divulge a few facts that tweaked my memory. The more she spoke I realized why everything was so familiar. I knew her story. It was five years before when it happened…yes she was 12 almost 13 years old. When it happened a friend of mine had heard about the situation. She didn’t know the young girl so what was being told to me was third party information. At the time I was still in youth ministry, not yet called to do what I do now with Hopeful Hearts Ministry but I still felt a strong desire to talk to the young girl.

This young woman’s story plagued me at the time. The little facts I knew then were enough for me to picture the events in my mind and feel the fear she must’ve felt in that moment. I want to share her story but I’d rather meet with her for a longer period of time before I do so. It is of public record, which is one of the facts about her case that made me so livid at the time. She went to the police. Not all of the parties involved were arrested or even brought in but one was and only received 5 years, and I’m not sure he even had to serve the entire sentence.

I remember hearing about this. About the injustice of the lack of sentencing. And about how this young girl had to continue to endure being near other parties of the case.

I prayed for her. I prayed I’d have the chance to meet with her one day. It took almost five years but God finally made it happen. There I sat before this beautiful girl, a young woman now, who radiates strength and courage.

This makes me excited. You know why? Because what had been done to her did not get the best of her. She is reaching out and she is fighting back. It isn’t an easy road for her but the key point is she survived.

I can’t wait to work with her and see the plans God has for her graciously unfold. And I can’t ignore the fact that He HEARD me!

God is so good!

Prayer is our lifeline. When you feel as if He isn’t listening pray some more and remember stories such as this. And pray for others! We are a community of believers and we need to stand in the gap for one another!

Blessings
Shannon

Road to Forgiveness (Day 213)

Tags

abuse survivor, having a voice, how to forgive, how to heal, overcoming hardship, real people, real stories, road to forgiveness, victims of abuse

The release of my personal I Have a Voice video this week has been a bit nerve-wracking. I’ll be the first to admit that when I was shown the preliminary video my instinct was to say “No, don’t say that…I mean I only saw him once a year so it wasn’t ‘that bad’.” Or, “My story isn’t as significant as the others.” And better yet, “I look so old! Look at all those wrinkles and the way my shirt puffs up and bags out, I look like I’m twenty pounds heavier!” Can we say VANITY? But when I spoke to a fellow survivor about these things she said what I already knew to be true, “You are putting the tape on that little girl’s mouth. This is the same reaction we all have and it’s exactly why no one speaks up.”

So I let it go. And I’m so glad I did! The next day I read this blog post from a fellow blogger. Her words are eloquent and I highly recommend the read: DRIVING OVER WATER

I also received this amazing story from a beautiful woman I met at the International Christian Retail Show. I was taken by her road to forgiveness and wanted to share it with you all. Here is ‘Apostle Barbara Kizzie’s Story’:

I opened my mouth and without thinking, “Jesus I love you with all my heart” bubbled up out of my spirit. I realized that not only did I love Jesus but that I am in love with Him. I have completely dedicated my heart, my life, my entire being to Him.

I was born again in 1971 but through my teens, twenties and most of my thirties I only called on Jesus when I needed help, otherwise I was, or thought I was, on my own. When I was baptized with the Holy Spirit on June 9, 1991, It Was On!!! My new life in Christ Jesus really began. I could hear Him clearly. One day the Lord said, it is time to clean out your heart. There is something that has been like a dark thread woven deep into the fabric of your life. We must get it out…it is unforgiveness.

Then He brought back to my remembrance how my Grandfather molested me when I was a young teenager. I loved my grandparents. I wanted to be with them, spend the weekend at their house, run errands for them and listen to all their stories of the past. My grandfather was a deacon in the Methodist Church down the street, my grandmother went to the Baptist Church about a mile away and I went to the Lutheran Church across the street. On Sundays my grandfather and I would get home first. When we were alone one Sunday, my grandfather began to touch my breast. I told him to stop, ran into the bathroom and locked the door. I did not come out until my grandmother came home. I didn’t tell anyone what happened. About a month or so later, I went back because I still wanted to see them and to go to Church. My grandfather tried to do it again….I never went back alone.

Everyone thought that I was being a teenager and didn’t have time for my grandparents anymore. I really missed them. I started going to the Baptist Church with my Mom and got saved there. I went away to college, got married and had a daughter. We rarely went to Church, yet there was a hunger and thirst in my heart for Jesus.

When I was 36 years old, the Lord said, Now it’s time to forgive your grandfather. The Lord let me know that the feeling of being betrayed had infiltrated my life. He helped me to realize that I was waiting for my grandfather to say I’m sorry and that he would never say it. Hearing “I’m sorry”, was not required for me to forgive my grandfather. Jesus was on the cross for something that He didn’t do, He was lied on, spat on and treated with disrespect. While He was in pain and near death, He said, Father forgive them for they know not what they do! The Lord said I will give you My forgiveness so that you can forgive your grandfather.

I prayed a prayer: Lord I receive Your forgiveness and now I choose to forgive my grandfather and release out love and forgiveness to him. In Jesus Name Amen. I felt a weight lift off my heart and shoulders. Days after the prayer, I was driving and the Lord said I want you to go pray the prayer of salvation with your grandfather. By that time, I was living in New Jersey. My grandparents were in Illinois. I began to give God my grandfather’s spiritual resume. Lord, my grandfather has been a deacon in the Church for over 50 years. People say that when he prays they feel Your presence. The Lord said to me, in a big booming voice that thundered through my entire being: IF YOU DON’T GO PRAY WITH HIM, HE IS GOING TO HELL!

I cried uncontrollably as I pulled to the side of the road. I asked for forgiveness and said, “Yes Lord I will go.” I called my mother and told her. She said do what the Lord tells you to do. My mother went with me to my grandparent’s house. My grandfather was 87 years old and hard of hearing. He and my grandmother were in the kitchen. Mom sat in the corner and began to pray.

I sat next to my grandfather and said, “The Lord forgives you for all that you have done. He loves you and wants you to be saved. Granddaddy repeat after me, ‘Dear Lord Jesus.’

My grandfather said, ‘Dear Lee Martin*’…that was his name.

I said, ”No Granddaddy say ‘Dear Lord Jesus.’”

He said, “Dear Lord Jesus.”

I said, “I Love You with all my heart.”

He said, “I love you with all my body.”

Then I realized that the enemy was speaking through him and for the first time, I went into spiritual warfare. “The blood of Jesus is over you,” I said. “Satan take your hands off my grandfather…the Blood of Jesus is against you…come out now in Jesus Name.” Then I said to my grandfather, “Repeat after me. ‘Dear Lord Jesus I love You with all my heart.”

He said,”Dear Lord Jesus I love You with all my heart.” Suddenly a big tear rolled out of his right eye and a big smile filled face.

I heard the Lord say, ‘He is in eternity with us now.’ My mother, grandmother and I began to rejoice knowing that my grandfather was saved! Not too long after that my grandfather’s health declined and he went Home to be with the Lord in 1994 at the age of 91. The Lord taught me that forgiveness is the best thing we can do for ourselves. Urbandictionary.com says that holding unforgiveness against someone is like drinking poison hoping the other person gets sick. The Lord said that unforgiveness puts a lock on the person’s heart. A locked up heart stops the love of God from being shed abroad in one’s heart. When we forgive the lock is destroyed and the love of God flows in our hearts and to others.

Apostle Barbara Kizzie

Barbara Kizzie received Jesus as her Lord and Savior in 1971 and was called to ministry in 1991. She is an ordained minister who loves the Lord with all her heart.

In 2011, by the leading of the Lord she founded “God in the Midst” Christian Fellowship an apostolic organization that encourages, edifies and equips home, small and para-Church ministries. She is the host of the God In The Midst (GITM) Internet Radio Show that airs every Thursday night at 9pm CST (10pm EST). To listen and participate in the show call: 619-639-4733 or go to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/GODINTHEMIDST Her facebook /God In The Midst and twitter @GITM4GOD give glory to God and is a blessing to the Body of Christ.

*Names have been changed*

Thank you to Ms. Barbara for sharing your story with all of us! You are a beautiful survivor. These stories and reading other blogs such as the above “MudTherapist’s ‘Driving Over Water’” giving VOICE to what has been kept up in the dark for so long is GLORIOUS to me! No better way for all of us to SHOW UP!

Enjoy your Friday and your weekend! Be encouraged and strengthened in the little moments that speak to your heart today.

Blessings

Shannon

I Have a Voice – Shannon (Day 290)

Tags

abuse survivor stories, Abuse survivors, childhood abuse, forgiveness, forgiveness stories, God, healing stories, Holy Spirit, how to heal, real people, real stories, Religion and Spirituality, SHANNON, surviving abuse, YouTube

The revisiting of my journey last week wasn’t to torture through a recap. I wanted to give you an ‘insight’ into my soul emotionally and spiritually during the filming of the I HAVE A VOICE project. I had all intents on focusing mainly on my journey through overcoming what I went through in high school and college but that isn’t where the Holy Spirit led me.

During the 1.5 hours of conversation that was filmed the Infinitude Creative Group cleverly pieced together this 6 minute I Have a Voice video that I believe accurately gives the ‘young Shannon in me’ a voice. Greatest moment of all was having the ‘one person’ (because I always say, “If it can reach out to one person and make a difference then what I went through to do it is worth it.”) already come to me and open up about something that had been kept up in the dark for over 30 years.

Praise God!

As she listened and watched the video (for I had no idea what lie beneath her own darkness) she hemmed, hawed, agreed out loud and then was silent. And then the story came out. “I never felt like anyone would believe me because he was so nice,” she said. ”And what difference does it make now because I’m so old.”

But it does make a difference because she matters.

If you feel so inclined please share the video. Both I Have a Voice videos released are on my YouTube channel and the I Have a Voice Channel.

Two more videos to come (focusing on other issues)…so grateful to God for the opportunity to spread awareness. It is clear God wants us to step out of the shame of darkness of the things that have been done to us and that we’ve fallen into and into the light of His love and grace.

You are not alone on this journey to heal from old wounds. Reach out and contact Hopeful Hearts Ministry, we are here to help guide you in the direction you need to receive support and restoration.

Blessings

Shannon