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Just Show Up

~ An Abuse Survivor's Daily Rendering of God Showing Up In Her Life, How She Might Show Up or How She Misses the Mark

Just Show Up

Tag Archives: rape survivors

Shake It Off

05 Friday Aug 2016

Posted by hopefulheartsministry in Blog

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

child abuse survivors, going from victim to survivor, healing after abuse, HEALING AFTER TRAUMA, making the most of your life, rape survivors, Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift has it right … shake it off! 😉 I had the best opportunity to shake it off this past weekend when I went with girlfriends to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. It came at the perfect time if you read my last post. Sometimes there is so much awful in this world that it threatens to suffocate my spirit and when it hits close to home, well, it just about sent me over the edge.

provided by quotes gram.com

provided by quotes gram.com

I am a survivor who listens to other survivors and in doing that I am often reminded of the hellacious journey I’ve been on in these past few years. When I went away I was able to put that aside for even the briefest of moments and connect with a part of me that I’m not sure I even realized was fathomable.

Every survivor wants to feel ‘normal’, not the broken one, and for a time I was able to and I enjoyed every second.

I needed this in so many ways for so many reasons and it has rejuvenated me, and most importantly invigorated me to continue to be that positive influence for other survivors to recognize that they can thrive and enjoy life.

 

Now it’s time to get back to life….back to reality. 😉 Does that take you back? I’ll see if I can’t find that song on YouTube and put it in at the bottom just for nostalgia sake.

Now I am in my reality and my heart aches for the survivors I’m working with most recently. Their main struggle is self worth and overcoming all of the ‘crazy’ triggers, insecurities, and emotions that erupt out of the blue. Every survivor I’ve spoken to this week has said, “I know I sound crazy.” or  “I’m sorry, I know I’m wasting your time.” or “This is hard.”

True StrengthYeah, it is hard. No doubt. Life in general without having suffered past trauma is hard. But working through the process, exposing all of the junk that has been left inside, and replacing it with positive affirmations is a must and it is hard because it literally feels like a full spiritual (and at times physical)rehaul. When you’ve gone 25, 35, 40 years feeling ‘not good enough’ or ‘a screw up’ or ‘the cause of ___’ it is an internal makeover to replace the lies with the truth.

The key is making it your choice. Do you want to live a life of misery as a victim? Or do you want to recognize your ‘wildest dreams’ and live life in its richest form knowing happiness from within and embracing every moment of every second?

I know many times it doesn’t feel like a choice but it is. And a choice only YOU can make for YOU.

With God’s unfathomable love, accepting me for me, my mistakes and all, I choose to live and to thrive today. And I will choose this again tomorrow.

What about you?
Blessings

Shannon

Hits Home

03 Thursday Mar 2016

Posted by hopefulheartsministry in Blog

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Tags

Abuse survivors, date rape, healing, healing after abuse, high school theater, rape, rape survivors, sexual assault survivors, westside story

Our family sat around the dinner table the other night. We do ‘highs’ and ‘lows’ taking turns from the youngest to the oldest. When it came to be Ryan’s turn, he’s my junior in high school, he mentioned his low for the day was having to rehearse a rape scene in the Westside Story play.

“Rape scene?” The thud of my heart was like a hammer to my chest.

“Yeah, well, it’s orchestrated to imply that me and this other guy from my gang are raping her. It was awkward. I felt like I needed to apologize to her.”

My throat constricted. “Did you?”

“Yeah, I mean we all felt weird about it. She knew it was just the scene but it made me realize what girls must feel like when that happens.”

My face felt flushed and hot. “I’m sorry you have to do this scene.”

“It’s okay mom. I thought you’d want to know about it before you see it too.”

Your son

After dinner Ryan came up to me and hugged me tightly.

I’ll admit I’ve never watched the movie Westside Story nor have I seen the theater production. I had no idea…how ironic my son happened to be cast in that role.

I mentioned later about contacting the theater director to maybe mention before the production to the audience that there were some scenes that might be offensive but Ryan said I would be overreacting that it was more implied. I’m still pondering…I still have a month before they go on stage.

Thoughts?

I also wanted to take the time to show you are shorter version of the Hopeful Hearts promo video.

Blessings

Shannon

Survivor to Survivor (Healing One Another)

14 Monday Sep 2015

Posted by hopefulheartsministry in Blog

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Abuse survivors, Cornerstone TV Real Life 360, healing, healing after abuse, healing in speaking out, rape survivors, Real Life 360, telling your story

In two weeks time Hopeful Hearts has received three new survivors at our door step seeking validation and a connection to help them not feel so alone on their healing journey. One woman called me a few weeks ago and told me she had held on to our number for two years. Two years!

support survivorsWhen I met with her this week she told me the beginning of her story of survival. Yes, the beginning. Now in her 60’s her story began when she was in her teens. The horror she’s lived through is unimaginable yet I can relate because the act of the horror leaves behind the same remnants of shame and loathing.

Educated, well-traveled, eloquent in her delivery this woman sat before me and told me she’d been to countless counselors and therapists but none understood.

She needed to know the person listening to her tell her story knew the pain from the inside out.

There are moments it is hard to explain what we do at Hopeful Hearts Ministry because it is not something that can be charted, analyzed, or evaluated. We do offer the tangibles – the support groups, in-house Christian counseling, empowerment courses, and the public outreach with I Have a Voice videos but our true secret to success is offering our understanding and validation to their story.

fighting backCancer survivors speak out and help other cancer survivors through their journey…this is no different, only our journey is not exposed by chemo, operations and a change in our appearance. But it is much like a cancer for if it is not properly dealt with it can erode a person’s soul and leave them dead inside.

If you are a survivor of abuse (ANY type of abuse, sexual, physical, mental/emotional) I encourage you to speak your truth, find a close friend, relative, pastor, priest, spouse or therapist, who you trust and let them know. If you are stuck in a place of not being able to trust anyone around you write it out or contact me and I will be your listener.

You are not alone. Contact me at hopefulhearts333@gmail.com and we can set a time to talk.

I realized last week that the second interview I had done for Cornerstone TV was Real Life 360. I wanted to make sure you all had a chance to watch:

Blessings

Shannon

Exposed_cover_onlyGet your copy of Shannon Deitz’s personal story, EXPOSED for only $1.99 on Kindle.

 

 

 

JennikasIf you live in the Kingwood area get your SIGNED copy of EXPOSED and the Hopeful Hearts Charms at Jennika’s on Kings Harbor

 

 

 

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No Judgement Here (Healing in Our Own Stones)

02 Thursday Jul 2015

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Tags

being judged, don't judge others, fear of being judged, healing, healing after abuse, incest, incest survivors, John 8:7, judgement, rape survivors, telling your story, Woman caught in adultery

**Another Flashback post…worth sharing as I think it is important to be reminded that we each have stones that could be thrown in our direction…sometimes when we want to throw that stone at another it is hard, as Christ says, to ‘see the plank in our own eye.’ Something I get reminded of often.**

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A beautiful ( I mean gorgeous ) woman sat before me today and told me her story.  Every person that sits before me and tells their story is gorgeous and radiant in my eyes because they are finding their voice and having the courage to speak their truth (even as ugly as it might be).  It is not easy.  There is no doubt.  No matter what details make up the story, the abuses, the addictions, or the bad decisions we’ve made, the perceived failure, etc, we hesitate to put it out there for fear of judgement.

I think this is why my favorite story from the New Testament is the woman caught in adultery:

A Woman Caught in AdulteryThen each went to his own house, while Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.  But early in the morning he arrived again in the temple area, and all the people started coming to him, and he sat down and taught them. Then the scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery and made her stand in the middle.

They said to him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery. Now in the law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” They said this to test him, so that they could have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and began to write on the ground with his finger.

woman caught in adultery

But when they continued asking him, he straightened up and said to them,“Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”  Again he bent down and wrote on the ground.  And in response, they went away one by one, beginning with the elders. So he was left alone with the woman before him.

Then Jesus straightened up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

She replied, “No one, sir.”

Then Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go, [and] from now on do not sin any more.”  John 8:1-11

When I had my ‘reversion’ moment, now over 12 years ago, I remember vividly fear kept me from fully accepting I had anything worth offering to any one else. The fear of being judged by what had been done to me and what I had done to myself.  I realized in order for me to heal properly I had to make a vow to do my best and hold back judgement in order to keep judgement from myself.  I won’t sit here and say I’m perfect.  (Because I’m sure I’ll have a HUNDRED comments (finally) letting you all know how I might have judged others.)  However, I will say I’ve done my best to try, which I believe is what has ultimately led me to do what I do today.

And it is exactly why I am so forthright in everything I blog and write about because I don’t want anyone to come back and say “But you don’t know this about her!” Because you can all say “Um, yes we do! and we love her anyway!” 😉 ….right? 😀

doyourbest

After meeting with me this beloved daughter of God text me and said, “It was great to hear your story and understand for the first time (in a long time), that I am not alone.”   AMEN SISTER!

What a blessing!  Another blessing I received today is the next I HAVE A VOICE video.  It is my story of dealing with healing from memories of incest and forgiveness.

Do you ever feel as if a multitude of stones would be thrown at you if your true self were revealed?  Do you hide behind finding fault with others so that you point out their flaws before anyone sees yours?  If so, maybe test the waters and try telling someone whom you trust and love something that you know keeps you from being your true authentic self.  I think you’ll find compassion over animosity more times than not.

Blessings

Shannon

Exposed_cover_only Get your copy of Exposed on Kindle for only $1.99!

 

 

 

Jennikas Copies of EXPOSED and the Hopeful Hearts Ministry CHARMS (necklaces and earrings) are available at Jennika’s!

Feel Good Friday (Healing in Affirmation)

19 Friday Jun 2015

Posted by hopefulheartsministry in Blog

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Abuse survivors, affirmation, Faith, feel good post, healing with faith, overcoming abuse, rape survivors, rape victims, respecting yourself, self-respect, sexual assault survivors, worthy

I feel called to accept a word of affirmation and so I thought I’d look into the future and give us ALL a word of affirmation at the end of the week. :)

 

YOU, my friend, ARE GOOD ENOUGH.

You are WORTHY.

You are STRONG.

You are ONE OF A KIND (Wonderfully made! :D)

you are wonderfully made

You are so dearly VALUED. (So much so that Christ gave his LIFE for YOU so you could have ETERNAL LIFE)

Christ's embrace

You are VENERATED. ( I respect you. You are making through your trials, or you have already overcome. You strive to want more for you and to better you and that deserves respect.)

respect yourself

You are VICTORIOUS!! Every day is a new day, one you have conquered!!

ready for battle

And don’t ever forget it. 😉

Blessings

Shannon

Frozen – All Survivors of Date Rape & Sexual Assault please read! (Healing in knowledge)

17 Wednesday Jun 2015

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Tags

abuse, Abuse survivors, child abuse, date rape, Dr. Rebecca Campbell, healing after rape, incest survivors, overcoming trauma, rape, rape survivors, sexual assault survivors, Tonic Immobility, Trauma and sexual assualt, understanding the freeze response, understanding trauma, why don't they fight

** To ALL survivors please read!!! This changed my life and I can’t help sharing because for years I never could understand why I didn’t ‘fight back’ or ‘run’… and I know those of you who have never (thankfully) suffered any form of abuse or sexual assault you have never understood why we didn’t either. Well, here is your answer! I re-read this and see “40 degree weather” and I’m imagine by the time this is published I will be sweating pounds off in our 100 degree Texas heat! Maybe if I just re-read this again I can feel the cool air… 😉 **

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This morning I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  I met Stephanie for a scheduled 7 mile run in the 40 degree weather (which is unusual for Houston, TX right now!) and felt the claws of negativity and indifference grip me.  But I did it anyway.

I arrived home at 6:20am and went straight to my little prayer corner:

prayer

It has been awhile since I’ve written in my journal.  For me this is unusual as it is my way of communicating to God and also relinquishing worries and concerns.  Lately it’s been something I’ve avoided.  I couldn’t tell you why though I have many theories.  Today I grabbed the journal and read the quote on the page:

“If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.”  John 15:7

Offering the verse as a prayer I wrote, “Lord I need you.  It is not easy for me to journal lately but I know you are near.  You have been so good to me and you are amazing.  I need to figure out how to overcome what I’m going through and face the demons of my past so I can go forward and do the work you’ve called me to.  Help me Lord.  Amen”

At 7:00am I got out of the shower and for no reason that I can think of I checked my emails on my phone and saw the last one received was asking of a task I was supposed to have done but failed to do.  Suddenly I was kicked into full gear.  Though the day was proving to match the mood when I woke up I didn’t stress.  Ten minutes later Ryan came to my bathroom door and said, “Mom, I need a Roman Soldier costume for stations tomorrow morning.”  What?!  Again, I let the few choice words I had on my tongue dissolve and kept moving forward.  Get ready, was all I could think.

By 8am I was successfully completing the task I failed to do a few days before, and at 10am when in my bible study and I mentioned the Roman costume dilemma one of the ladies looked at me and said, “Oh, I have one!”  Thank you God! 😉

At 11am I delivered the teaching on Genesis 41 & 42 and then rushed out after to attend the “Not Making Sense is Traumatic” Neurobiology of Trauma mini-seminar hosted by the Houston Police Department.  My friend who leads the Mission at Serenity Ranch (a safe house for survivors of human trafficking) told me about the training and I signed up immediately.

This was the highlight of my day.  To ALL SURVIVORS please, please, please do yourself a favor and read the following article by Dr. Rebecca Campbell a research Psychologist at Michigan State University.  This information transformed and validated me in what I went through as a survivor of sexual assault and incest.

Dr. Rebecca Campbell  on Tonic Immobility (the FREEZE reaction)

I would try and go through the abundance of golden information that she gave today but there is no way I could explain it the way she did so, again, please go to the link above and read her article.  If you are a survivor of sexual assault you will want to read the article. 

frozenTypically, when a person is faced with a traumatic experience the common thought that is misconstrued is that you’ll either ‘FIGHT’ or ‘FLIGHT’ (run).   If you talk to a survivor of such a traumatic experience a high percentage of them (I personally want to say – from the survivors I’ve worked with – 99%) will say ‘But I FROZE’.  And those who have not gone through a similar traumatic experience will then question “Why didn’t you fight back?”  Or “Why didn’t you run?”.  And the survivor will inevitably feel guilty and ashamed and say, “I don’t know.”

BUT NOW I KNOW!  Thank you to Dr. Rebecca Campbell.  Again read this article:  Tonic Immobility (Freeze Response)

I left the mini-seminar with a certificate and a feeling of euphoria (also explained by Dr. Campbell) because I finally have found understanding in why I reacted the way I did with both rapes and most likely as a very young child with my grandfather.

An example of this ‘T. I. or Tonic Immobility’ response is best shown by this YouTube video where they demonstrate this response with sharks:   Sharks and T.I.

Also, if you’d like to hear what prompted Dr. Campbell to begin her research watch this YouTube video:

Dr. Rebecca Campbell Interview explaining what prompted her begin research on why victims react the way they do after the trauma.

This information was a gift.  It doesn’t take away what I’m going through because what I’m going through is needed for my journey, however, it gives answers to questions I never thought I’d get answered.  I asked God for help and he helped!

I commend the Houston Police Department Sexual Assault Crimes Division for bringing Dr. Rebecca Campbell into Houston and training their first responders to better understand the victims response.  This is ground breaking and can serve to be the key in getting more cases prosecuted!

There is always hope.  Always.

Blessings

Shannon

Exposed_cover_only Read more about Shannon’s journey to heal after date rape (twice)… there is always HOPE.

Exposed: Inexcusable Me…Irreplaceable Him $1.99 on Kindle!

 

Recognize the Good (Take Note of the Healing)

05 Tuesday May 2015

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abuse, breaking patterns of abuse, Debbie Chavez show, healing, healing after betrayal, incest survivors, overcoming abuse, overcoming tragedy, rape survivors, survivors of abuse

There was a day, just as short as five months ago, that I looked at my situation and couldn’t see through the dirt and muck. A shadow of despair blocked the clarity of any future beyond the situation. Ironically the hope that carried me through came from situations past. Circumstances that were once bleak, dire and dreadful with time and God’s grace turned bright and fruitful.

If He could bring me out of the flaming embers of my past, dust me off and make me new why couldn’t he pick me up again?

walk with God

It was that hope that I’ve held onto. And I made a commitment to dig deep within the very marrow of my bone to unearth more of what needs to be chiseled away to reveal His image within me.

Many of you have been walking along this healing journey with me for the year and I want to encourage you as we are only a 1/4 of the way through 2015 to take a moment and recognize how far you’ve come in the past four months. Take your journal and write down the accomplishments that have been made. Is your heart a little less hardened? Have you unearthed your some of our own truth that sheds light on your situation? Have you made a new friend or reached out to one from the past? What have you done different that helps?

Does today look like the day we began for months ago? I’d imagine not. :)

Now give yourself a hug and hold onto these positive moments. There is still more healing to be done but now imagine all the possibilities even one day can bring!

If you happened to miss this yesterday, I was interviewed on the Debbie Chavez Show. I’d love for you to listen.

Audio Player

http://www.shannonmdeitz.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/breaking-the-pattern-of-abuse.mp3
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50:01

Use Up/Down Arrow keys to increase or decrease volume.

And don’t miss out on the FINAL DAY to get your FREE COPY OF EXPOSED!!!

Exposed_cover_only

Healing Rage – Yuoranda’s Story

08 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by hopefulheartsministry in Blog

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Tags

Faith, healing, healing after abuse, healing after rape, Healing Rage, Healing the Rage Within, inspiration, rape, rape survivors, sexual assault, Sexual Assault Awareness

As often as I receive them I will be featuring every Monday one of YOUR stories.  By having a VOICE you are speaking out and helping to heal others!  Yuoranda reached out to me via the Hopeful Hearts Ministry Facebook Page and we realized our missions and stories were similar in many regards.  I knew her story, and ministry, will help many.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MY STORY:

rhonda professional picI was sexually abused by my step father from age 6 to 16. In addition to the sexual abuse, I was also raped twice, aged out of the Georgia Foster Care System at age 17, a cutter from age 14 to 21, I attempted suicide twice, and constantly saw my mother beaten by my stepfather. Going through all of these trials as well as witnessing my mother turn to alcohol to deal with the dysfunction could have easily destroyed me (and almost did) from the inside out. But it was because of my belief in God and my willingness to forgive & work on myself, that I was able to overcome my brokenness and heal my hurt. Admittedly, the process was not an easy one but I refused to allow my hurt to further dictate my actions or my outlook on life. At what I believed to be my lowest point in life, (homeless in a state with no family & having to beg strangers for food to feed my children) I realized that living life my way was the wrong way. It was then that I decided to face my truth for what it was and allow God to work on me, in me, & through me.

Because there are so many women who have endured the tragedy of sexual abuse and rape and have not healed from their pain, I knew that sharing my voice could possibly help them in some way.

While sitting at work one day, I had the vision to start an organization and Healing R.A.G.E. (Raped & Abused Girls Everywhere) was founded November 2011. Healing R.A.G.E. is a nonprofit organization dedicated to encouraging women who have been raped and abused. We encourage women to get the healing they deserve, so that they can live a life of happiness and have an active role in their healthy living.

Our guiding principle is a scripture taken from the Bible and reads: So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT)

Our mission is to aid in the process of healing, happiness, & healthy living by supporting victims through educational counseling and advocating change while raising awareness.

The purpose of Healing R.A.G.E is to help bring awareness to the world about the long lasting effects of rape & sexual abuse when the victim has not healed properly. Also to help those who have been directly affected heal their hurt through positive affirmations, Godly inspirations, and by sharing my story as well a many other survivor stories. It is my dream to help as many women as possible through my Sister2Sister Mentorship Program, Healing Sessions Support Groups, Healing Calls, Awareness & Prevention Seminars, as well as the many programs under our Community Healing Program.

heal rage slogan

It is my prayer that many women will be encouraged to start their individual healing journeys, be able to heal their hurt as well as find their own voices to speak out against abuse and rape.

BIO:healing rage within book

Yuoranda (Rhonda) Walker, a survivor of child sexual abuse and rape, is founder of the nonprofit organization Healing R.A.G.E. (Raped & Abused Girls Everywhere). She resides in Houston, TX with her husband and children. In addition to being a wife and mother, Yuoranda is also a newly published author of her true life story titled Healing the Rage Within which can be purchased on Amazon. Yuoranda, an advocate for abuse and rape, enjoys reading, writing, spending time with her family and just enjoying life as God allows her to experience it. You can read more about her organization online at www.healingrage.org. Her organization is also on Face Book at www.facebook.com/healingrage as well as on Twitter @healingrageorg.

 

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Let’s give Yuoranda some support and comment to let her know how courageous she is not only for speaking out but moving forward to help other women who have been raped and to heal the rage within.

Blessings

Shannon

I Have a Voice – How DO we heal after abuse?

10 Tuesday Mar 2015

Posted by hopefulheartsministry in Blog

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

abuse survivor story, date rape recovery, domestic violence awareness. child sexual assault survivors, healing after abuse, I have a voice, overcoming abuse, rape survivors, survivor stories, survivors of abuse

It is Spring Break here! ( Well for me I have TWO Spring Breaks. Seth’s spring break is this week and Ryan’s is next.) I am doing my BEST to be ‘present’ to them each in whatever capacity that might be so my sense of creativity is a bit stunted this week. ;)

However, I did want to take the opportunity to share with you the I Have a Voice promotional video that we presented on the night of the Gala. Do me a favor and SHARE  it in your social media circles!! I am gearing up for April’s ‘Sexual Assault Awareness’ and ‘Childhood Sexual Abuse Prevention’ month – these videos need to be SEEN so voices can be HEARD.

*Plus, if you’d like to be HEARD and want to share your survival story for the month of April, please email me at hopefulhearts333@gmail.com and I will give you the guidelines for submittal.*

I Have a Voice / Hopeful Hearts Ministry promo

(Editing done by PeeJaye Designs and Video provided by Infinitude Creative Group)

Blessings

Shannon

Memories Can’t be Buried

06 Saturday Sep 2014

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Tags

Abuse survivors, ABUSED BY A MINISTER, ABUSED BY A PASTOR, ABUSED BY A PRIEST, BURIED MEMORIES, healing after abuse, incest survivors, overcoming abuse, rape survivors, survivors of abuse, victims of abuse

“A therapist needs a therapist. A priest talks to a priest. You need to let someone listen to you like you listen to others.”

My friend heard me. She listened. And she was right. I talked to her but I needed to be able to really talk to someone. I have a therapist that I see every now and then but this isn’t something I needed to ‘work out’ or to ‘reach an end’.

Come to Me All Who Are WearyI simply needed to talk, voice my anger against the evil of this world. I wanted to safely express my outrage and disappointment of the fumblings of the Catholic Church, the very church I call home, where I seek my refuge, strength and growth in faith. I love my Catholic faith. I am proud to be a Catholic and I stand by the teachings of the church but I can not back up the men (yes MEN who are abusing the gift of their collar) who are treating this serious issue with less than pastoral hands.

I’m angry for every person I’ve worked with who’s not only suffered abuse but under the guise of someone who ministers or wears a collar or any garment of faith. It is complicated and political and oh so frustrating.

Abuse is ugly when done by ANY PERSON. Knowing about it makes many uncomfortable. It is not a ‘fun’ issue. It doesn’t ‘trend’. It doesn’t catch comments or ‘likes’ because the topic alone has a stigma of shame. Shame that it happened. Shame that no one did or said anything. Shame that it continues. Shame that one human could treat another in such an inhumane manner.

And that’s a reality I want to change.

Ironically I knew I needed spiritual direction. Where else could I go? I emailed my spiritual adviser, Fr. Alfonso, and even though he is busy with our mega-parish he made time to see me immediately.

I went in and unloaded. I cried. I yelled. I got angry. I purged it all.

I told him about telling my husband a little too much information when I had a ‘trigger’ during an intimate moment and how my husband reacted. I wept and admitted that it was a moment I was willing to let Neal go, to go and love someone whose body wouldn’t betray her with these memories.

Once spent of everything that had festered and rotted inside my gut I looked at him and realized he was praying. He said to me, “It is beautiful that you are devastated for those that come to you. You said you had told your mother you wished she had ‘acted devastated for you’ when you told her for the first time that you remembered of your Grandfather abusing you. She couldn’t do that for you but you have been called to do that for so many others.”

He confided in me about someone he knew in his past that had been hurt in a deep way. He said he realized that a memory can’t be buried it can only be replaced. 

“Neal can help you replace those memories, in fact, only he can replace them because they are distorted intimate memories that need to be replaced by healthy ones in those intimate moments.” He went on to say, “It has to be replaced with the same thing but a good memory. A peaceful memory filled with love, trust and hope. But it has to be in the same capacity. You can’t replace a hand with a leg, it doesn’t work.”

He went on to say that sometimes we back away from healing because it seems like too hard or difficult a task to ever ‘overcome’. That we paint a picture for ourselves of what ‘being healed’ looks like and it seems implausible to ever reach that picture. We need to get rid of the expectation, this false picture of ‘perfect’.

His words were a gift. By the time I confessed my sins I floated out of the parish office on the wings of my guardian angels.

Again it reiterates my great desire to give others a VOICE. By talking about these things that fester inside we purge them and make room for the hope and peace that is meant to reside within us.

It sounds simple to ‘replace a memory’ rather than ‘bury it’…I know it’s not. I get anxious just thinking about trying. I know you might too. But one thing I know for certain, once a memory resurfaces it is rare for it to be ‘buried’ again…so it will be a matter of choice. Do we hold on to the poisonous memory or do we find ways to replace it with love, light, mercy, hope and peace?

Blessings

Shannon

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  • Sometimes we forget that we are not our parents or grandparents. God has given us our own path. We don't have to ke… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 2 weeks ago
  • Healing takes time. Recovery takes time. Getting stronger takes time. Your timing is yours. No one gets to rush you. https://t.co/YXiQwfoIir 2 weeks ago
  • Sometimes we just need to pause. It doesn't mean we have quit or given up. A pause can help us refocus, realign our… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 2 weeks ago
  • How have you seen truth in this statement? https://t.co/vbaF9ByhCA 1 month ago
  • My soul will never heal if I don't give it time to rest. We get caught up in the busyness of life and forget that w… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 1 month ago
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