• A Survivor’s Story (About Shannon)
  • About Hopeful Hearts Ministry
  • BOOK (EXPOSED)
  • I Have a Voice (Videos) & Interviews
  • Your Voice (Contact Me)

Just Show Up

~ An Abuse Survivor's Daily Rendering of God Showing Up In Her Life, How She Might Show Up or How She Misses the Mark

Just Show Up

Tag Archives: rape survivor

Momma’s Don’t Let Your Babies to Grow to be Rapists

08 Wednesday Jun 2016

Posted by hopefulheartsministry in Blog

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Brock Turner, healing after rape, letter to judge from sexual assault victim, overcoming rape, rape survivor, sexual assault, sexual assault survivor, Stanford rape survivor, Stanford sexual assault, Stanford swimmer

Oh, I’m sorry, am I being a bit sinister? I can’t seem to get that old song tune out of my head “Momma don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys…” by T.R. Dallas.  I mean, hearing yet another absurd news story about the leniency of a young man’s sentencing for being caught in the act of violating an unconscious woman near the dumpster and his father begging the judge to not allow this 20 minute mistake to ruin his life, accomplishing the said extreme lenient sentence of six months in jail and probation?!?!

Revelation 21 4I stood in my bathroom yesterday morning and stared at my reflection in the mirror willing the unclean words that wanted to come out of my mouth to stay put and dissolve with a grace that well surpasses my human ability.

The first sentence of the survivor’s [and no doubt this woman is a survivor and not a victim] letter to her attacker she let’s it be known in a powerful way how the first second of waking up from that ‘twenty minutes’ is like a lifetime sentence to a sexual assault survivor:

“You don’t know me, but you’ve been inside me, and that’s why we’re here today.”

She goes on to explain the feeling of waking up in a hospital, not knowing she was in a hospital, wearing a gown and for the first time realizing she had nothing else on but the gown:

“Everything inside me was silenced. I still don’t have words for that feeling.”

The BUZZFEED article published this brave young survivor’s letter in full and it is not for me to retell what she so eloquently puts in her OWN VOICE… so please feel free to read her statement in the Buzzfeed article here.

However, what I do wish to address is how in the world did such an ‘accomplished’ Stanford bound young college athlete (apparently a swimmer with Olympic dreams) become so ignorant, heartless, self-serving and blatantly disrespectful?

According to the young survivor’s letter, in response to this young man’s very own statement to the court, he blames the entire incident on alcohol. Alcohol?? Well, he wasn’t too drunk because he remembered the incident, enough to change his story a few times.

But I can’t put into words any better than the survivor herself in response to this claim:

no means no“Future reference, if you are confused about whether a girl can consent, see if she can speak an entire sentence. You couldn’t even do that. Just one coherent string of words. Where was the confusion? This is common sense, human decency.

According to him, the only reason we were on the ground was because I fell down. Note; if a girl falls down help her get back up. If she is too drunk to even walk and falls down, do not mount her, hump her, take off her underwear, and insert your hand inside her vagina. If a girl falls down help her up. If she is wearing a cardigan over her dress don’t take it off so that you can touch her breasts. Maybe she is cold, maybe that’s why she wore the cardigan.”

Just common sense, right? Whether or not you are drunk…it’s human decency. This young woman addresses the young man with a simple statement of what human decency might be, even in the worst of situations:

“I want to know, if those evil Swedes [his words] had not found me, how the night would have played out. I am asking you; Would you have pulled my underwear back on over my boots? Untangled the necklace wrapped around my neck? Closed my legs, covered me? Pick the pine needles from my hair? Asked if the abrasions on my neck and bottom hurt? Would you then go find a friend and say, Will you help me get her somewhere warm and soft? I don’t sleep when I think about the way it could have gone if the two guys had never come. What would have happened to me? That’s what you’ll never have a good answer for, that’s what you can’t explain even after a year.”

Most of you who have been reading this blog over the past eight years know that I have two sons. One is headed into his senior year of high school and the other a sophomore. I got to this point of writing the blog and had to take them both to see the doctor for this horrendous cough they’ve been battling for two months. We got into the car and my mind wouldn’t stop racing. So I turned off the radio and let them know what was on my mind.

I explained what had happened to this woman, her letter to her attacker, his responses and excuses, and my response to all of it.

Both boys were shocked. “Mom, you’re preaching to the choir,” one son said.  They were disgusted, didn’t want to hear anymore. And that made me realize even though Neal and I can do our best to drill into our boys respect and dignity of every human life, no matter the circumstance or situation, does it stick? Do we say enough? Do we do enough to convey this message?

I looked at both of my boys sitting on the exam table waiting to be examined and I saw before me two young men that are complete opposites in every way. In their physical attributes, their demeanor, their personality… yet they come from the same mother and father. I know that they have their own free will and will ultimately make their own decisions in life, that it’s their journey and all I can do is do my best to set them up for success but it’s up to them to take what we’ve given and run with it.

Who knows what kind of family this young man came from… maybe his momma did try to keep him from being a perpetrator. Maybe society leaked in other factors that led him to the deterioration of his common sense and decency. Maybe he was viewing too much hard core porn that is becoming more and more popular in our society, further abusing the ‘actresses’ by forcing them into rape situations and other demeaning role plays in order to feed the demand that no longer gets off on simple sensuality. Or maybe it isn’t so much the family as the entire society as a whole for allowing ‘rape’ to become a common place adjective rather than a horrid, unthinkable act.

Has society, in general, become so desensitized to the various acts of sexual assault that they (I say ‘they’ because I will not put myself into this general population) associate it with every day behaviors? In her own words the survivor eloquently states what this ’20 minute sexual assault’ does to both parties:

“Nobody wins. We have all been devastated, we have all been trying to find some meaning in all of this suffering. Your damage was concrete; stripped of titles, degrees, enrollment. My damage was internal, unseen, I carry it with me. You took away my worth, my privacy, my energy, my time, my safety, my intimacy, my confidence, my own voice, until today.

On the other hand, as a society, we cannot forgive everyone’s first sexual assault or digital rape. It doesn’t make sense. The seriousness of rape has to be communicated clearly, we should not create a culture that suggests we learn that rape is wrong through trial and error. The consequences of sexual assault needs to be severe enough that people feel enough fear to exercise good judgment even if they are drunk, severe enough to be preventative.”

Click HERE to read the entire letter.

Once again, my hats off to this young woman. She is my hero. And along with her those two EXTRAORDINARY Swedish men who simply did what I’d like to think we are ALL programmed to do – HELP ONE ANOTHER.

Click here to read their story.

Talk about itHopeful Hearts Ministry is booming and I don’t like it. Why? Because I want it to be that we survivors have spoken SO LOUD that there is no more of this ‘culture of rape’ or ‘ignorance to abuse’ in our society. One day, it is my dream to see that Hopeful Hearts Ministry has to shut every door down because there is no more need.

Until then we are realizing this overwhelming need to clone ourselves… thrivers are desiring to pay forward what they’ve learned and to peer counsel other survivors to a place of thriving. Locations all over Texas, California, Washington State, Louisiana, and even across the seas in Sydney, Australia are asking ‘How can we implement a Hopeful Hearts Ministry in our area?’

I’m working on it…with God’s GRACE I’ll get there. But in the meantime, do as this young woman and SPEAK ABOUT IT.

Momma’s talk to your sons. Let them know what this story does to your heart. By doing so you might prevent a future sexual assault from taking place.

Blessings

Shannon

 

Leslie’s Journey – Taking Her Life Back

18 Wednesday May 2016

Posted by hopefulheartsministry in Blog

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Abuse survivors, Faith, healing, healing after an abduction, healing after rape, healing from PTSD, overcoming abuse, PTSD sufferers, rape survivor

How often do we  get through life pushing our past into dark hidden corners, stuffing it into tight spots, shoving it into closets praying no one will ever find the secret fear, shame, and guilt the past harbors?

Survivors of abuse, any abuse, are pro’s at shoving, stuffing, and hiding… and then we are shocked when we realize the ugly remnants of our past have actually seeped out into our reactions and responses over the past 10, 20, 30 years. So we finally talk about it.

taking back your pastOur voice arises from the dark hidden places and much to our surprise we realize how freeing it is to be heard. We desire to conquer the past, to put it behind us once and for all, no longer harboring any undo fear, or guilt and shame that is simply not ours to store and carry.

When this process takes place, this is when the survivor moves to thriver. And it’s a beautiful sight.

This week I have the great honor and blessing of joining one survivor, Leslie, on a journey of taking her life back. She’s unearthed her past, spoken on the various abuses she’s been through and finally wants to face head on the one incident in her life that had held her captive for many years.

LeslieFlakeWe are going to the mountains in Colorado where Leslie was abducted and held for five days. It was around 1984, 24-year-old Leslie applied for a job through an employment agency working for a new car dealership in Amarillo, TX. She was under the impression she was to help go to car auctions and drive them back to the dealership.

Having landed the job, Leslie, along with two other young women and a young man (under age, 17 who had lied about his age to get the job) headed out to Colorado with their employer, David Benz ( who at the time gave a fake name).

Traveling the ten hours to Colorado no one suspected that the man behind the wheel was a convicted kidnapper and rapist. He had escaped from the Pueblo Mental Institute out of Pueblo, CO.

Place a period where God placed a commaFor the next five days these young people were held captive in the mountains of Colorado. And this week, Leslie and I are going back to the area she’d tried to keep hidden in her past for so long.

Join this brave survivor, as she takes back her past and courageously reclaims her present and future.  Where we will be staying might not have the proper internet to be able to post … please stay tuned as I plan to help Leslie capture this time in the way she sees fit to share.

Leslie newspaper story

Blessings

Shannon

The Road to Becoming a Survivor (Guest Post )

28 Monday Sep 2015

Posted by hopefulheartsministry in Blog

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abuse, abuse survivor, overcoming sexual assault, R. R. Hayden, rape, rape survivor, Road to Becoming a Survivor, sexual assault

Earlier this summer I was contacted by a survivor of sexual assault who wanted to share her story.

The Road to Becoming a Survivor

Official Released Cover

I read it while on vacation and as most of us who have suffered through similar circumstances, I related to much of what she’d been through. It is raw. Detailed. And brave. It is never easy to tell it like it is. This is not a story, this is her life displayed in an effort to heal.

Here is River in her own ‘voice’:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I first began writing my autobiography in April of 2014, I wasn’t really sure whether I would ever get it published or not. It started out as a way for me to work through and process my issues so I could function normally rather than remaining a victim of my past, even though it had all ended years beforehand. Physically, I was no longer a victim of continuous abuse, but in my head I was still suffering on a daily basis. I was stuck in a cage from the depression, anxiety, guilt, and fear I harbored from what I had been through for so long. What I wasn’t expecting while writing, though, was everything I learned about myself in the process.

My intentions were to write a book about my life and get everything out on paper in hopes to, not only move on from all the suffering, but also one day inspire and help others; I never imagined I would actually get there. I was writing my book and posting blogs weekly to share it with others to test out whether I would even be able to help anyone or if anyone was even interested. I hoped that my life would be an example for others and I could be the voice of those still suffering and unable to find the confidence to speak out yet. The only question was, would anyone want me to be? Would speaking out about my life be enough to raise awareness and give others the inspiration to start healing and moving on from their own trauma?

I monitored my posts and the number of readers I would have every week to see if it would get any attention. I wanted to get my life out there for others using the blog as I wrote the book to judge the affect it would have on anyone reading. I never had any comments on my posts, but the fact the number of readers kept going up every week told me that this was definitely worth all the work and tears I was putting into it. Once I started it, there was no way I could back down or stop this snowball that was starting to grow and gain speed.

you_can_make_a_difference_r

Before I knew what was happening, I was finishing the book and had friends encouraging me to find a publisher. Within the next month I was talking to ScribbCrib about a publishing agreement for my autobiography. Even after the agreement was signed, I don’t think I fully comprehended that my book, my life, was going to be available to anyone willing to buy and read it. I just kept focusing on my need to help others and encourage others still suffering to keep on fighting their own battles and remind them that it can’t get better if you end your journey early.

Five months later, here we are; my book is one of the many being sold on Amazon as an eBook for anyone and everyone to view. Wow. The excitement of knowing there are people out there reading my work and taking this journey with me is overwhelming, and still so surreal. I am so blessed; the amount of joy and gratitude I feel is something I can’t fully put into words. Which is a strange feeling for me, being a writer!

I just hope that I can help people now. I’m ready to take that next step, to move forward and see what I’m able to do for all those still struggling. All I need now is some help spreading the word about my autobiography to keep the ball rolling. Who will take this wild adventure with me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

unnamed (2)A Michigan native, River is a new author who has recently become part of the published ranks. She is looking to expand her expertise and write more teen novels than just nonfiction works, but is open to anything and is happy to be able to pursue her passion. A survivor of sexual assault, River currently has an autobiography, titled The Road to Becoming a Survivor published by ScribbCrib, available to read with, hopefully, many more books to come.

 

Official Released CoverClick Here to Purchase the book on Amazon

 

 

 

 

Blessings

Shannon

Taking Some Time (Healing continues…Taking PRAYER Requests!

16 Monday Feb 2015

Posted by hopefulheartsministry in Blog

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

abuse survivor, Healing process, heavy heart, Lent season, Matthew 11:30, prayer requests, rape survivor, what to give up for lent

I didn’t expect the timing to be what it is… but when it is GOD’S timing then how can we argue? I am headed for a RETREAT for the entire week. It is a specialized retreat and one that I pray brings a great amount of healing, or at least clears a path for the journey ahead.

The joy from the gala is still within my spirit and I think this is a gift from God. My heart does not feel burdened. I feel light with His love and His mercy. I am open to receiving whatever He has in mind.

for my yoke is easy

I will not be blogging during this time. I am going to try and be ‘media free’ (except for looking at emails for prayer requests)…being that it is the week of Lent beginning I think it’s quite appropriate to enter into Lent with my own sacrifice and the blessing is the knowing there is an Easter morn.

If your heart is heavy try to give the burden to Jesus, at least through Lent. We are to ‘abstain’ well then ‘abstain’ from your sorrows. Give them to God and ‘add’ happiness and gratitude in your life.

Pray for me and I’ll pray for you. Feel free to email me your prayer requests:  hopefulhearts333@gmail.com  It might give an ‘out of office’ response but I promise I’ll get them and pray.

Blessings

Shannon

Empowered (Day 246)

11 Wednesday Sep 2013

Posted by hopefulheartsministry in Blog

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Abuse survivors, childhood abuse, Christ, Faith, healing, incest survivor, journey, rape, rape survivor, spiritual journey, spirituality, surviving

Yes, yesterday was tough. The last few days have been difficult and rewarding. Ever since I’ve come back from my grandfather’s (perpetrator’s) memorial service I have avoided the inevitable work of thawing out the memories frozen like a glacier in darkness in the depths of my sub-conscious. For a while I convinced myself that they weren’t bothering me, they’d been frozen for 40 years and they could remain unhindered.

Unfortunately and fortunately, in order for me to continue forward on my journey it is imperative for me to clear the way, healthy and free from obstacles. These past few days God has begun a warming process, tears have been flowing against my will, emotions I’ve tried to put away are no longer easily managed. Which is why I knew the only way I could continue was to go to Christ.

image

When I left the church last night I found Neal relaxing outside. I sat next to him and began to cry. I told him the emotions I’d been struggling with in the past few days (rage, anger, frustration, unworth), the tears that wouldn’t stop and what I knew I needed to do. He wrapped his arm around me and drew me into him. I rest my head on his shoulder and cried.

Fr. Alfonso is correct. I deserve to heal completely. As well as Neal deserves to have a wife who can (and will) accept his love and devotion, finding herself worthy. And children who deserve to have a mother who isn’t afraid to fight the nightmare of a memory.

I know I am strong. I know I can overcome. I know I will overcome. I have before and I’m more equipped with a stronger support system now both with family, friends and spiritually.

What I love the most about this is that ‘Hopeful Hearts’ is helping me. The concept, the process, the desire of the ministry is to draw survivors away from the grips of victimization and fear of facing the memories and be empowered rather than beaten by what had been ‘done’ or ‘experienced’ in the past.

How appropriate the ministry God called me into is continuing to empower and reinforce my victory.

Thank you for praying and walking with me on this journey. When I share such intimate revelations it is not for you to be a voyeur but rather to be encouraged to face your own fears. Fear is nothing but an empty emotion. The best of us can get wrapped up in it and therefore we need to be reminded that we have what it takes to face it head on and win.

Blessings
Shannon

An Answered Prayer After Five Years (Day 214)

10 Saturday Aug 2013

Posted by hopefulheartsministry in Blog

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

answered prayer, Ezekiel 22:10, healing after rape, personal stories, prayer, rape survivor, real people, survivor's story

Days like today make me feel secure in my faith and filled with the warmth of God’s love.

A friend of mine got me in contact with a young 17-year-old woman who was a rape survivor. This young woman confided in my friend that she was struggling with what had happened. When I was called and asked to speak to this young woman this was all I knew. I did not know the specifics behind the rape or how long ago it had happened.

When I meet with survivors (or speak with them on the phone) I like to have enough time set aside to hear their story. I believe the number one step in healing is to be able to talk about what had been done and to feel secure and safe talking to someone who can relate to those feelings. When I was given this young woman’s information we were not able to connect due to her work schedule so for now we’d been texting trying to find a time to meet.

Anxious to speak with her I asked if there was a way to meet with her briefly, long enough to get a book and charm to her, something to give her encouragement and strength. We finally had the chance to meet briefly this morning before she went into work.

I met at her work place and in the few minutes we had I asked a question that led her to divulge a few facts that tweaked my memory. The more she spoke I realized why everything was so familiar. I knew her story. It was five years before when it happened…yes she was 12 almost 13 years old. When it happened a friend of mine had heard about the situation. She didn’t know the young girl so what was being told to me was third party information. At the time I was still in youth ministry, not yet called to do what I do now with Hopeful Hearts Ministry but I still felt a strong desire to talk to the young girl.

This young woman’s story plagued me at the time. The little facts I knew then were enough for me to picture the events in my mind and feel the fear she must’ve felt in that moment. I want to share her story but I’d rather meet with her for a longer period of time before I do so. It is of public record, which is one of the facts about her case that made me so livid at the time. She went to the police. Not all of the parties involved were arrested or even brought in but one was and only received 5 years, and I’m not sure he even had to serve the entire sentence.

I remember hearing about this. About the injustice of the lack of sentencing. And about how this young girl had to continue to endure being near other parties of the case.

Ezeckiel 22

I prayed for her. I prayed I’d have the chance to meet with her one day. It took almost five years but God finally made it happen. There I sat before this beautiful girl, a young woman now, who radiates strength and courage.

This makes me excited. You know why? Because what had been done to her did not get the best of her. She is reaching out and she is fighting back. It isn’t an easy road for her but the key point is she survived.

I can’t wait to work with her and see the plans God has for her graciously unfold. And I can’t ignore the fact that He HEARD me!

God is so good!

Prayer is our lifeline. When you feel as if He isn’t listening pray some more and remember stories such as this. And pray for others! We are a community of believers and we need to stand in the gap for one another!

Blessings
Shannon

Video

Shannon M. Deitz founder of Hopeful Hearts Ministry

23 Tuesday Jul 2013

Posted by hopefulheartsministry in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Abuse survivors, author, belief, Books, EXPOSED, faith story, God's love, incest survivor, memoirs, personal testimony, rape survivor, story of strength, story of survival, survivors, testimony of faith

Shannon M. Deitz explains her call to be a voice for survivors of abuse.

Search the site

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 2,433 other followers

Hopeful Hearts Ministry

Hopeful Hearts Ministry

smdeitz Just Showing Up

No Instagram images were found.

Showing Up on Twitter

  • Sometimes we forget that we are not our parents or grandparents. God has given us our own path. We don't have to ke… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 2 weeks ago
  • Healing takes time. Recovery takes time. Getting stronger takes time. Your timing is yours. No one gets to rush you. https://t.co/YXiQwfoIir 2 weeks ago
  • Sometimes we just need to pause. It doesn't mean we have quit or given up. A pause can help us refocus, realign our… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 2 weeks ago
  • How have you seen truth in this statement? https://t.co/vbaF9ByhCA 1 month ago
  • My soul will never heal if I don't give it time to rest. We get caught up in the busyness of life and forget that w… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 1 month ago
Follow @shannondeitz

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Follow Following
    • Just Show Up
    • Join 2,433 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Just Show Up
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...