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Just Show Up

~ An Abuse Survivor's Daily Rendering of God Showing Up In Her Life, How She Might Show Up or How She Misses the Mark

Just Show Up

Tag Archives: prayer

Watch What You Pray For! ( Healing in Accepting God’s Answer)

08 Thursday Oct 2015

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Faith, God and prayer, God's answer to prayer, how to pray, prayer, praying for patience, praying for strength, When we don't get what we want in prayer

What a C R A Z Y  week so far! There has been no time at all to write or contemplate what I would even consider writing for a blog this week. Until I heard the prayer shared by Fr. Kevin Story at the St. Thomas High School induction ceremony for the National Honor Society (NHS). Proud of my oldest, Ryan, by the way!! 😉

I closed my eyes and bowed my head softly to hear the pray and this segment of his prayer leaped off the podium and touched my heart:

We ask for strength

and you give us difficulties which make us strong.

We ask for wisdom

and you send us problems, the solutions of which develop wisdom.

We plead for prosperity

and you give us dangers to overcome.

We ask for favors

and you give us opportunities.

Therefore, as the Creator, Redeemer, and Sanctifier of life,

we ask that you bless and assist us according to your will. Amen.

I thought about all the times I’ve prayed for strength, wisdom, prosperity, etc and though I’ve been met with the struggles, problems and dangers I’ve never considered them the answers.

leave everything to God

Even when I have often kidded about ‘never praying for patience because God will put you in a situation to test what patience you have left.’

I’ll be honest for a brief (very brief) second I said to myself, “Don’t ever pray for wisdom, strength, prosperity or patience again!!!”. 😀

Now of course that is not realistic! And just as soon as I said that to myself I was hit with an odd satisfaction for these qualities that are within me. I’m still a work in progress but I’m more prosperous than I was 20 years ago, stronger than I was ten years ago…wiser than I was even last year! Had God answered my prayers forthright I would not be the woman I am today and I am grateful.

Godtrustme

So watch what you pray for…don’t shy away from praying for strength, patience, wisdom or even understanding and prosperity but remember the answer might come to you in a trial. And if it does, be still and remember He is God!!

Blessings

Shannon

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Anointing (Healing in His Word)

03 Thursday Sep 2015

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Abuse survivors, ANOINTING IN PRAYER, ANOINTING WORD, CORNERSTONE TV, healing after abuse, HEALING IN PRAYER, Holy Spirit, HOLY SPIRIT PRAYER, Intercessory Prayer, prayer, PRAYING FOR OTHERS

Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful and kindle in them the fire of your love. Send forth your Spirit and they shall be created and you will renew the face of the earth.

Let us pray.

O, God, who by the light of the Holy Spirit, did instruct the hearts of the faithful, grant that by the same Holy Spirit we may be truly wise and ever enjoy His consolations. Through Jesus Christ Our Lord. Amen

This prayer is written on my heart and today I experienced it in surrounding me in the hearts of a church of faithful (man 😉 ) and women.

Today was a gift of the Holy Spirit and I am grateful!!

I went to Cornerstone TV to tape the Real Life interviews (which will be aired next week Wednesday!) and left there with an entire day for the Lord to be creative in Pittsburgh! And boy was it a surprise blessing!

Romans8 28When I got off the plane the night before I was met by a gentle giant named Damon. He worked for Cornerstone and was my ride to the hotel. Immediately we made what I’d call a ‘Holy Spirit’ connection. For the 40 minute ride we were sharing our testimonies and his encouragement in God’s Word was exactly what I needed to ease the nerves and to prepare to do what God was calling me into the next day.

Damon showed up for the interview to intercede in prayer for me. Knowing he was praying on the sidelines as the interview took place was a blessed comfort. When we were finished he was to take me to lunch and to the hotel. After lunch he tentatively asked if I’d be interested in attending prayer meeting with him at his church that day.

How could I resist a few hours of prayer? 😀

Damon and the Cornerstone ride!

Damon and the Cornerstone ride!

I walked into the sanctuary and was immediately welcomed and with a little introduction of who I am and what I was in Pittsburgh for, we went straight into intercessory prayer.

Time flew. We were worshiping and before I knew it the pastor was introducing me again to the prayer warriors that had entered in later. She said she felt a stirring of the spirit to bless the ministry, that this small congregation who is in need of their own tithe wanted to give Hopeful Hearts Ministry an offering!

gifts of the Holy SpiritOne of the gifts of the Holy Spirit is Awe & Wonder and they succeeded. I was in awe of their obedience and generosity. Tears flowed and then they laid hands over me and gave me an anointing of prayer with an extra gift – a prophesy.

This I will hold dear to my heart… I trust in You, Lord. I trust in You.

I came to Pittsburgh to be a vessel for the Lord and in return I received an abundance of His anointing love and blessings because I said ‘yes’ to pray.

Amen amen amen!!!

Blessings

Shannon
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Take this cup from me! (Garden of Gethsemane)

07 Friday Nov 2014

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David Bahnmiller, Faith, garden of gethsemane, hold on to his promises, how to deal with grief, Jesus, prayer

In the beginning of the week I began to break apart my trip to the Holy Land and offer a small glimpse of what I saw and where we visited in correlation with the Scripture.

What is next on ‘my agenda’ was the Garden of Gethsemane, where Christ was in such distress and prayer his sweat came as drops of blood.

This is the ACTUAL garden that Jesus wept.

The Agony in the Garden.Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took along Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to feel sorrow and distress. Then he said to them, “My soul is sorrowful even to death. Remain here and keep watch with me.”

He advanced a little and fell prostrate in prayer, saying, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as I will, but as you will.”

When he returned to his disciples he found them asleep. He said to Peter, “So you could not keep watch with me for one hour? Watch and pray that you may not undergo the test. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Withdrawing a second time, he prayed again, “My Father, if it is not possible that this cup pass without my drinking it, your will be done!”

Then he returned once more and found them asleep, for they could not keep their eyes open. He left them and withdrew again and prayed a third time, saying the same thing again. Then he returned to his disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and taking your rest? Behold, the hour is at hand when the Son of Man is to be handed over to sinners. Get up, let us go. Look, my betrayer is at hand.”

What the actual crown of thorns looked like that awaited Jesus.

On Wednesday morning I received news of a horrible accident. A longtime childhood friend of mine was at the hospital with her 11 year old son in a coma in critical condition. Immediately I went to her. The grief she wore resembled that of Christ in the garden. As ANY mother would pray, “If it is possible take this cup!!! Don’t let my son die.”

There were no words to comfort. Only prayers.

I’ve watched a HOLY transformation of the SPIRIT come over my friend in the past 24 hours. She has been literally LIVING in His Word and holding on to His promises. Her son is still in extreme critical condition and a miracle is needed and she is believing.

On Wednesday before I found out about my friend’s son I gave a ‘reflection’ for our Cornerstone Scripture Study on the prophecies of Zephaniah and Habakkuk. The main theme was why is there evil in this world and how has God stepped in to help us overcome? I was listening to the message again and my skin prickles at the touch of the Holy Spirit. There is no such thing as ‘coincidence’ but GOD-incidence.

I thought my ‘challenge’ was tough…but after spending a day face to face with a mother’s grief it put it into a clearer perspective. I need to heed my own words – CHOOSE HOPE. CHOOSE GOD. CHOOSE HIS PROMISES.

Hold on the Promises

Blessings

Shannon

You CAN Make a Difference

18 Friday Jul 2014

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boundless mercy, domestic violence, how to help those suffering, Human trafficking, Intercessory Prayer, making a difference, overcoming suffering, prayer, spring tx massacre

There are moments when I wonder if I’m focusing too much on the wide topic of abuse, that maybe it’s just me being obsessed with the desire to obliterate a behavior that is unstoppable.

Then I hear about the tragic story 20 minutes from my own home where a deranged abusive ex-husband goes on a fatal rampage in search of his ex-wife and kills her sister’s entire family. This poor woman loses her sister, brother-in-law, and 4 nieces and nephews. One of the 5 children in the family survived. A 15-year-old girl who was grazed by the bullet and played dead.

Houston Chronicle article

I was out of town when this took place only to find out about it yesterday. My heart hurts for this loss. For the woman who left an abusive husband because others  finally convinced her the danger she was in, unaware of the true evil that resided within him.

My prayer is for the young girl who survived the horror…and for her aunt, the woman who wanted only to free herself from him. I pray she does not take responsibility for his choices and actions. I pray the whole family feels God’s strength during this difficult time.

It’s times like this that raise the question “What can I do? What can one person do?”

We can pray. We can support. We can listen. We can not hide from the horror. We can remind them of their strength.

Boundless Mercy prayer meeting.

Yesterday I went to an area prayer gathering specifically designated to stopping human trafficking. Talk about a vast industry that seems unstoppable. But one prayer can save one person. One soul. That one soul is worth it.

I’m not obsessed. My eyes are wide open. I’m not hiding from the horror. I’m desperate to save the ‘one’ from it.

We sang this song yesterday. It brought me to tears.
Hope’s Anthem  (This is the song w/ lyrics)

I dedicate it to the family in Spring, Tx.  My HOPE is in YOU God. I am steadfast and will not be shaken.

What can YOU do? Pray
Blessings
Shannon

Keeping Alignment (Day 312 & 313)

18 Monday Nov 2013

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Christianity, Faith, God's will, prayer, prayer for peace, Religion and Spirituality, seeking God's will, spirituality, St. Francis of Assisi

This morning I had a short training session with one of my ‘young adults’ whom I’d ministered to when I worked for the parish.  I’d hate to say what he owns is a gym because when I think of ‘gym’ I think of a place where beefy guys go to grunt, flex and throw weight around.  This is a gym and I’m sure they have their fair share of them but it is smaller and more in line with each individual’s overall personal ‘achievement’ in health.  Appropriately it’s called Achievement.

Neal had been going and stopped using his credits so I’ve happily picked them up.  One thing I noticed this morning as Richard walked me through his version of a push up is how quickly I want to give up if I can’t seem to ‘get it right’.  I don’t give up but inside I want to.  Richard is detailed oriented and makes sure every single push up (or whatever exercise you are doing ) is in the correct alignment.  “Hip down, shoulders away from your ears, use your back,…slow down, etc etc etc.”   I find myself getting exacerbated but at the same time determined to get it right.

Funny, when I do get it ‘right’ and he doesn’t say anything then I think he is sick of telling me and has given up.  When I ask, “Is that okay?”  He’ll smile and say, “Yes, very good.”  Or sometimes he might throw out a ‘perfect’.  This embarrasses me because I’m more used to the correcting than I am the praise.

I knew I was late in writing this blog for the weekend but I find it interesting that what I noticed this morning goes along well with what held my heart all weekend.  I’ve been floating on a cloud of humbleness and grace.  The generosity of others has overwhelmed my senses and I found that it’s almost the same feeling as when I get praise.  I don’t know how to accept it.  I can accept the gift or the donation and be gracious to others.  My issue is embracing the generosity within so that it empowers me.

Last night in Mass I read a prayer on the back of our missalette, it is the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi:

st-francis-of-assisi-prayer-card-rcc-22e-800x601

On my knees I prayed, “Lord keep me in alignment with You and Your will for me.”  Throughout the celebration I fought back tears as I recognized how often I fail to embrace the generosity of His praise because I’m more inclined to receive consistent instruction.  After living a good portion of my life ‘out of whack’ I knew it would take time, determination and consistent instruction to get my life in proper alignment with His will.  There have been ‘God moments’ that I feel His specific praise which has helped with the encouragement to keep working at it.

But it is in the moments that I don’t hear anything I wonder, “Am I doing this right?”

At some point in that ‘silence’ I need to find the confidence to recognize that I’ve learned from the best instructor and to trust in the abilities He’s given.  I know God well enough to know He’ll make it known if I’m out of alignment in any way…just like Richard. ;)

Blessings

Shannon

Toe to Toe (Day 229)

25 Sunday Aug 2013

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Tags

evil, Faith, God, overcoming addiction, porn addiction, prayer, spirituality, St. Michael prayer

Half the day has passed with enough work that I no longer feel guilty for my ‘lazy day’ yesterday. I took phone calls and heard about the various ways evil creeps into our lives. As I work with survivors and hear about the ways in which others have hurt and are hurting them I see the common factor.

Our battle is not with God’s beloved…it’s with the enemy that deceives, conives and perpetuates the evil warping the free will.

I spoke to a young woman today who had been through a similar situation as myself and found herself in an abusive relationship. Through the help of counseling she began to recognize her worth and got out of the abusive relationship. For another year or two she continued to get help, went deeper into her faith and accepted the grace of redemption.

Now she is in a relationship that is blessed on so many levels. They share in their faith and pray daily together. In almost every aspect he respects and upholds her the way she should be upheld. Almost. He suffers from a porn addiction.

This young woman is now toe to toe with the enemy and she isn’t backing down. She realizes she deserves to enter into a marriage with a man who will not be looking at or thinking of another woman or sexual images, especially in the sanctity of their bedroom. Together they are fighting this battle and she is adamant about winning before vows are spoken.

Overcoming any addiction is tough but what makes overcoming a porn addiction even more arduous is because this particular temptation is everywhere. An alcoholic would avoid walking into bars, stores that sell alcohol and any situations that could lead to offering a drink. A porn addict has the pictures seared in their memory and the temptation is all around, on daily television shows, commercials, all media outlets, highway billboards, etc.

My prayers are with this survivor and her boyfriend as they go through this delicate process of getting the proper help he needs to overcome this addiction. I’m grateful she understands that it’s not something to overlook within the relationship, especially when a possible marriage is in the horizon.

I think about her and the other calls I took today and the many ways the enemy is trying so hard to keep them in the dark with empty arguments. And I think about myself and the internal struggles I endure now recognizing in many ways the enemy sneaking in to trip me up.

So today I feel a special call to say the prayer to St. Michael the Arch Angel. To offer this prayer to all of you as well as we stand toe to toe with the enemy and courageously proclaim, “I’m saved by the blood of Christ get behind me satan.”

image

Blessings

Shannon

What is “it”? (Day 217)

13 Tuesday Aug 2013

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Faith, Matthew 18:20, prayer, prayer life, spirituality, when one or more is gathered in my name

Committing to a daily blog project is taxing.  There are many days I sit before the computer and stare.  What did I hear or see today, Lord? I’ll ask into void of silence.

Which leads me to dissect my day, piece by piece because I know God shows up (or has requested my presence for him) on a daily basis.  Hence the directive of this project being daily.  It is keeping me in the know with where God is in my life.

Today wasn’t a boring day.  I had a breakfast with the President of St. Thomas, Fr. Storey, this morning and had a pleasant conversation with him before heading home.  I could come up with something in regards to our conversation but even though God was there and in it, that’s not ‘it’.

Later I set out to meet a survivor for lunch who was traveling in from the Conroe area.  She’d reached out to me awhile back and with the craziness of summer we were finally getting the opportunity to connect face to face.  I waited in our agreed upon location.  And waited.  And waited.  Worry set in.  I called and got her voicemail.  I left a text.  I emailed.  An hour later still nothing.  So I ate alone and headed home.  I said a little prayer for her, concerned something tragic had taken place.  Finally, an hour ago she called.  She is fine…had a medical issue that left her incapacitated and unable to call.  My heart goes out to her and she will remain in my prayers.  But this wasn’t it either.  God is watching over her and He had lunch with me today but that’s not ‘it’.

With the remainder of my day I spent some quality time with Seth (who is bored with nothing to do…ha!) and managed to write in my latest project.  God is all over my time with Seth and prayerfully helping me through the project but that’s still not ‘it’.

So what is it?  What is the moment in today that sticks out the most?  A phone call.

A friend of mine left a message this morning asking if I would call her and pray for her.  Never one to miss a chance for communal prayer I called her immediately and found out how I could intercede on her behalf.  When I was done praying she asked if there was anything I needed to cover in prayer.  That was a loaded question which resulted in an exploded answer.  It felt so good to speak it all out and know she would help me give it to God.

For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. 

Matthew 18:20

Peace filled my spirit when she finished in prayer and I knew it was a direct gift from God.  Later I text her and said, “Thank you for calling me this morning and for praying for me.  I know you said you needed it for you, but I really needed it for me.  In my opinion you did as God asked of you, so I thank you!”

She replied, “I felt I needed to call specifically you, yes.  Glad we can help one another. :)”

God has shown up in your day today.  What was ‘it’ that affected you the most? (Share! I’d love to hear all about ‘it’! 🙂 )

Blessings

Shannon

 

 

 

Realization & Evidence (Day 215)

11 Sunday Aug 2013

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belief, Faith, Hebrews 11:1-2, power of prayer, prayer, St. Thomas High School, what is faith

Brothers and sisters:
Faith is the realization of what is hoped for
and evidence of things not seen.
Because of it the ancients were well attested.

Hebrews 11:1-2

The beginning of today’s second reading is the basis of my daily mantra: Taking one day at a time. Feeling blessed and joyful for what opportunities come my way and recognizing there is so much more in store for my journey that is not yet revealed to me.

Today I attended Mass at St. Thomas High School for the Mom’s Group Welcome Brunch. Celebrating Mass with all of the moms of the kids that attend the high school was a blessing and to listen to Fr. Fulton’s homily reminding us that our child’s journey has been explicitly written and formed by the hands of God. To trust in faith, relishing in the accomplishments as they come and giving way to worry for the opportunities that have yet to come to fruition.

Before I went to this event that I knew was mainly a sucker ‘Volunteer Sign Up’ I sat in prayer and asked God to help me be open to where He needed my time, what collaboration would be both beneficial for me as a mom of a son at the school, to make the most of the contacts that would eventually be made and align with the journey He has in store for me. After the Mass I saw the Campus Ministry Director and walked up to him.

“Hey,” he said. “I didn’t know you had a son old enough to attend here. Last time I saw you, the boys were so young.”

Panic. I tend to have a bad case of forgetfulness and this was clearly one of those times because I could not recall meeting this gentleman. Though it isn’t unlikely. I was in youth ministry with the Archdiocese for over 7 years so I’m certain we’d met at this time. (I’m certain the more I work with him I will remember…my memory is detailed and clear with so many things but with people it can be fuzzy.) I went with it and nodded and he went on to say, “You are traveling all over the world, right? How is everything?”

Again I went with it and before I could get much more out he made the comment about wanting me to help with certain aspects of his ministry in speaking to the upper classmen on the tough issues in regards to chastity and faith, etc. Exactly what I love to do and everything he suggested was dead on to what my ‘hope’ was to use the talents God has given me and still be involved in my son’s school. (Not sure what Ryan thinks about this…but…)

I barely got a word in and the program was beginning so I gave him my card and said our good-byes. I sat down in my seat speechless. I realized God wanted to give me what I hoped for and He also displayed evidence of opportunities that are yet to be seen. Faith. I was so afraid to go to this event and not have any idea of what I should be involved in and do…but I offered it up to God and He took care of it for me!

And yes, I still volunteered to help with Teacher Appreciation luncheon and the big Rodeo Round-Up fund-raiser, etc. I’m not averse to serving in many ways.

I love when the Word becomes alive in tangible ways such as today.

Hebrews 11

How does Hebrews 11:1-2 speak to you? What have you realized? And what evidence have you seen?

Blessings

Shannon

An Answered Prayer After Five Years (Day 214)

10 Saturday Aug 2013

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answered prayer, Ezekiel 22:10, healing after rape, personal stories, prayer, rape survivor, real people, survivor's story

Days like today make me feel secure in my faith and filled with the warmth of God’s love.

A friend of mine got me in contact with a young 17-year-old woman who was a rape survivor. This young woman confided in my friend that she was struggling with what had happened. When I was called and asked to speak to this young woman this was all I knew. I did not know the specifics behind the rape or how long ago it had happened.

When I meet with survivors (or speak with them on the phone) I like to have enough time set aside to hear their story. I believe the number one step in healing is to be able to talk about what had been done and to feel secure and safe talking to someone who can relate to those feelings. When I was given this young woman’s information we were not able to connect due to her work schedule so for now we’d been texting trying to find a time to meet.

Anxious to speak with her I asked if there was a way to meet with her briefly, long enough to get a book and charm to her, something to give her encouragement and strength. We finally had the chance to meet briefly this morning before she went into work.

I met at her work place and in the few minutes we had I asked a question that led her to divulge a few facts that tweaked my memory. The more she spoke I realized why everything was so familiar. I knew her story. It was five years before when it happened…yes she was 12 almost 13 years old. When it happened a friend of mine had heard about the situation. She didn’t know the young girl so what was being told to me was third party information. At the time I was still in youth ministry, not yet called to do what I do now with Hopeful Hearts Ministry but I still felt a strong desire to talk to the young girl.

This young woman’s story plagued me at the time. The little facts I knew then were enough for me to picture the events in my mind and feel the fear she must’ve felt in that moment. I want to share her story but I’d rather meet with her for a longer period of time before I do so. It is of public record, which is one of the facts about her case that made me so livid at the time. She went to the police. Not all of the parties involved were arrested or even brought in but one was and only received 5 years, and I’m not sure he even had to serve the entire sentence.

I remember hearing about this. About the injustice of the lack of sentencing. And about how this young girl had to continue to endure being near other parties of the case.

Ezeckiel 22

I prayed for her. I prayed I’d have the chance to meet with her one day. It took almost five years but God finally made it happen. There I sat before this beautiful girl, a young woman now, who radiates strength and courage.

This makes me excited. You know why? Because what had been done to her did not get the best of her. She is reaching out and she is fighting back. It isn’t an easy road for her but the key point is she survived.

I can’t wait to work with her and see the plans God has for her graciously unfold. And I can’t ignore the fact that He HEARD me!

God is so good!

Prayer is our lifeline. When you feel as if He isn’t listening pray some more and remember stories such as this. And pray for others! We are a community of believers and we need to stand in the gap for one another!

Blessings
Shannon

To Be Heard (Day 212)

09 Friday Aug 2013

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family, moms and kids, prayer, psalm 118, working moms

Alone in my quiet place this morning I offered up the day. “Lord, whatever you ask of me, I will follow.” With a pause I then added my agenda, “If I could just get a little bit of writing done on the new book and maybe get started on the next Choose-Now article I’ll feel accomplished and not like I wasted the day.”

I went on to pray about what was on my heart in regards to my family, friends and any prayers that I’ve been asked to offer up. It was Ryan’s first day of high school, I offered that up for both him and me. And then I thought about the fact that Seth and I would be alone for the day so I added, “Help me to be aware of what Seth needs today.”

What has led me to not have the time to write about this day until the wee hours of the next morning? Apparently God ‘heard’ me and he was also listening to my kids because the day has been all about them. Not one single moment was spent at my computer. And you know what? I feel accomplished.

Psalm118

God ‘heard’ me too and he knew what was not only best for me but how to best answer my prayer.

Offer up your day to The Lord every morning and delight in how he listens.

Blessings
Shannon

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