Leslie’s Journey – Day 3 Part 2 – Beauty in the Ashes

Tags

abduction survivor speaks, abduction victim speaks out, abuse, Abuse survivors, healing, HEALING AFTER TRAUMA, overcoming tragedy, overcoming trauma, PTSD, PTSD Survivors

As Leslie and I hiked up the path that she had once been tied up and forced to hike up in healed boots, we kept looking ahead almost expecting this ghost of a boogeyman to pop out of nowhere. She kept saying, “It’s like a ghost town…or dream. Surreal to be here again.”

Then she stopped. “Oh my gosh!”

My head still caught in the ‘spookiness’ of the moment, my heart picked up pace quickly. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Look at that, it’s a sign.” She looked at me and I thought she might cry.

There in the middle of dirt, twigs, and burnt lumber from a past forest fire was a small spring bloom. Neither of us know what it is, very well could be a weed, but it didn’t matter. It was beauty in the ashes.

“I have to leave something here.” And she explained what she wanted to do. Now it was me who couldn’t stop the tears. I had her explain for you all:

 

Once she put the charm in it’s resting place we held hands and said a prayer for the other survivors that were with her for that horrific week, as well as for all survivors who are currently struggling to take their life back, and for those that have yet to go through the struggle, that they will know the warmth and comfort of God’s peace despite the horror of the situation.

Once this was done we started walking a bit more up the mountain and then we heard a rustle.

“I’m done,” she said. And we both booked it back down the path, laughing along the way. We weren’t scared but we weren’t stupid either.

We celebrated with lunch, shopping and later that evening a fantastic meal at the Twin Lakes Lodge with my parents, Tim & Judy McGraw, who had been gracious hosts the entire four days.

Who can resist a sheep dog hat? It’s the ‘in’ thing… 😉

Leslie, Tim, Shannon, and Judy. Thanks again Mom and Dad!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was a successful trip and one I am honored to have been a part of with Leslie. I pray what you take from Leslie’s example is not so much shoving, stuffing, or ignoring your past, but about facing it, acknowledging it, and giving yourself credit for surviving it…and then move on to thrive.

Blessings

Shannon

Advertisements

Being Heard (Part 3 of an Incest Survivor’s Journey to Healing)

Tags

child abuse, Duggars, Faith, family secrets, healing after abuse, healing after rape, healing families, incest survivors, overcoming abuse, overcoming tragedy

Looking back I realized I never fully processed what happened that day at my grandfather’s memorial service. The next day I wrote a short paragraph about traveling another 11 hours home and how Heather was the perfect person to be with me on this trip. But I didn’t write what I felt about having my voice.

It’s been two years {now three as of May 2016} since this journey and I can look back on it with gratitude, respect for putting myself out there, and respect for my uncles as well for doing the best they could to open up and show me that they always had loved and supported me.

That day during the memorial service I was a 4 year old with ants in her pants. The officiate went on and on about the service my grandfather provided to the town and his church. When it was implied that my grandfather did his daily readings and was diligent in his bible study heat rose to my cheeks. If he was a faithful Christian then why did he blame what he did on us? Why wouldn’t he acknowledge his sinful ways and show us mercy instead of spite? The accolades went on for what felt like forever. I couldn’t take it anymore – I stuck my tongue out in disgust and rolled my eyes. An elderly woman sitting adjacent to me saw it all and gave me a puzzled look. I’m sure she was thinking what is this grown woman doing acting like a petulant child?

My uncles stood up one by one to give their personal eulogies for their father. The child in me wanted to plug her ears, rock back and forth and hum so I didn’t have to hear another word…but the adult won over and I listened to stories of an attentive father who taught them valuable lessons in life. I heard of a father greatly missed…and I recognized how difficult it must have been for them to rectify that man with the monster their sister and nieces were claiming hid within him. My hardened heart began to thaw for my uncles.

The service was over and everyone exited the building to do the gun salute for the service my grandfather gave to the Air Force. I stayed inside and held onto my nephew, Riley. He was the perfect comfort needed…I could hold him close and not feel vulnerable. I put Riley on my hip and walked up to the front of the room where my grandfather’s ashes rest among pictures of him and the family (including my mother).

“You hurt me deeply. Because of what you did to me to satisfy your own evil and sick desires I lived a life feeling like I didn’t matter. It didn’t matter how I felt or what I felt I had to please others because that was what I felt I was made to do. If it hurt me or didn’t feel right to me it didn’t matter. What you did to me tainted my understanding of what love is and should be and it kept me from receiving unconditional love because I never knew how to love without conditions. Your selfish ways affected me in so many areas of my life but I am not going to allow you to take any more of my life.”

I stared at the face of the man who took advantage of my innocence and at the same time I saw the smile I adored, the salt & pepper crazy flat top, and an arrow of nostalgic memories hit me of the man God created…not the monster the enemy formed. Riley nuzzled his head into my shoulder and I hugged him closer.

“Goodbye grandpa.”

That evening I went to dinner with my uncles and tentatively a few of them talked about the gap in time we all missed since my mother came forward. They had all dispersed, never getting together again for family reunions. It hadn’t dawned on me that none of my aunts were there at the funeral, nor were my cousins. The picture I’d painted of this unified front of ‘them’ against ‘us’ was formed only out of hurt and pain. It wasn’t real. My heart went out to this family that had been torn apart by one’s selfishness and weakness against the enemy.

A few weeks later my mother met up with her uncles for a reunion, the first they’d all been together in 20 years.

I know that sometimes people don’t ‘talk’ because they don’t want to tear the family apart or ruin the family name…but if we don’t talk of the evil that is happening behind closed doors then it will continue to remain from generation to generation. To set the family ‘free’ every voice needs to be heard. Beyond all else the victims deserve to know they are worth championing.

I pray this ‘journey’ down my own healing path has given some inside look of the delicate web weaved in a family plagued by incest.

Blessings

Shannon

  Read more from Shannon’s first memoir (the early years) EXPOSED: Inexcusable Me…Irreplaceable Him

Being Heard (Day 3 of an Incest Survivor’s Journey to Healing)

Tags

child abuse, Duggars, Faith, family secrets, healing after abuse, healing after rape, healing families, incest survivors, overcoming abuse, overcoming tragedy

Looking back I realized I never fully processed what happened that day at my grandfather’s memorial service. The next day I wrote a short paragraph about traveling another 11 hours home and how Heather was the perfect person to be with me on this trip. But I didn’t write what I felt about having my voice.

It’s been two years since this journey and I can look back on it with gratitude, respect for putting myself out there, and respect for my uncles as well for doing the best they could to open up and show me that they always had loved and supported me.

That day during the memorial service I was a 4 year old with ants in her pants. The officiate went on and on about the service my grandfather provided to the town and his church. When it was implied that my grandfather did his daily readings and was diligent in his bible study heat rose to my cheeks. If he was a faithful Christian then why did he blame what he did on us? Why wouldn’t he acknowledge his sinful ways and show us mercy instead of spite? The accolades went on for what felt like forever. I couldn’t take it anymore – I stuck my tongue out in disgust and rolled my eyes. An elderly woman sitting adjacent to me saw it all and gave me a puzzled look. I’m sure she was thinking what is this grown woman doing acting like a petulant child?

My uncles stood up one by one to give their personal eulogies for their father. The child in me wanted to plug her ears, rock back and forth and hum so I didn’t have to hear another word…but the adult won over and I listened to stories of an attentive father who taught them valuable lessons in life. I heard of a father greatly missed…and I recognized how difficult it must have been for them to rectify that man with the monster their sister and nieces were claiming hid within him. My hardened heart began to thaw for my uncles.

The service was over and everyone exited the building to do the gun salute for the service my grandfather gave to the Air Force. I stayed inside and held onto my nephew, Riley. He was the perfect comfort needed…I could hold him close and not feel vulnerable. I put Riley on my hip and walked up to the front of the room where my grandfather’s ashes rest among pictures of him and the family (including my mother).

“You hurt me deeply. Because of what you did to me to satisfy your own evil and sick desires I lived a life feeling like I didn’t matter. It didn’t matter how I felt or what I felt I had to please others because that was what I felt I was made to do. If it hurt me or didn’t feel right to me it didn’t matter. What you did to me tainted my understanding of what love is and should be and it kept me from receiving unconditional love because I never knew how to love without conditions. Your selfish ways affected me in so many areas of my life but I am not going to allow you to take any more of my life.”

I stared at the face of the man who took advantage of my innocence and at the same time I saw the smile I adored, the salt & pepper crazy flat top, and an arrow of nostalgic memories hit me of the man God created…not the monster the enemy formed. Riley nuzzled his head into my shoulder and I hugged him closer.

“Goodbye grandpa.”

That evening I went to dinner with my uncles and tentatively a few of them talked about the gap in time we all missed since my mother came forward. They had all dispersed, never getting together again for family reunions. It hadn’t dawned on me that none of my aunts were there at the funeral, nor were my cousins. The picture I’d painted of this unified front of ‘them’ against ‘us’ was formed only out of hurt and pain. It wasn’t real. My heart went out to this family that had been torn apart by one’s selfishness and weakness against the enemy.

A few weeks later my mother met up with her uncles for a reunion, the first they’d all been together in 20 years.

I know that sometimes people don’t ‘talk’ because they don’t want to tear the family apart or ruin the family name…but if we don’t talk of the evil that is happening behind closed doors then it will continue to remain from generation to generation. To set the family ‘free’ every voice needs to be heard. Beyond all else the victims deserve to know they are worth championing.

I pray this ‘journey’ down my own healing path has given some inside look of the delicate web weaved in a family plagued by incest.

Blessings

Shannon

  Read more from Shannon’s first memoir (the early years) EXPOSED: Inexcusable Me…Irreplaceable Him

Part II NW Conf “Journey with a Stranger” (Healing Revisited Part 2)

Tags

Abuse survivors, Exodus 5-6-14, God's word, healing, healing after abuse, Hearing God's voice, hearing the Lord, journey, knowing when God speaks, listening to God, overcoming tragedy, Steubenville Northwest, Word of God

**Flashback Goodie – I pray you have enjoyed this little jaunt down memory lane… five years. I can’t believe it. I suffered a new onset of PTSD from this particular experience. In so many ways I was ready to go. And then I had to stay in a world that didn’t make sense to me. I had no idea where God wanted me to be. I could tell He was calling me into a new path but I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t understand if He was going to let me live then why not push me more into touring and speaking? …. Who knew that only two years later Hopeful Hearts Ministry would be established. Who knew?  Take comfort in knowing that even though you want one thing and God seems to be pulling you in another direction try not to waste time struggling against Him…what He has in store for you will bring peace and blessings you never knew could bring so much hope.**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Often I get the question “How do you know when God is speaking to you?” and honestly it is a matter of listening with the heart.  What this means to me is being aware of not only my gut reaction but to override that with the thought ‘what is it you want of me God?’ and then go with what your ‘gut’ says.  When you choose to follow in His will and make a conscience effort to keep Him in mind in all things throughout your day this ‘discernment’ process can become almost as simultaneous as breathing air.  But the key to this is, when your ‘gut’ tells you not to do something, even though your mind wants to, then it’s time to take it to deeper prayer and follow what your gut is saying.  In my experience, that is listening to the heart (the Holy Spirit).

When God gave me the peace I needed to come to terms with whatever His will would be for my life that day I remained in that peace (and shock) until I made it to the Spokane Convention Center.  When Ryan came to me, stricken because he just wanted to get home, my gut told me right away that this would be a new journey for the both of us.

In line at the rental counter Ryan and I joked about the absurdity of us traveling as strangers.  “You’re not going to hurt me, right?” I asked (now, please keep in mind if I had ANY ‘gut’ feeling, just that knowing feeling that something is not right, I would NOT have gone with this young man, let alone ask him if he would hurt me or not!)  Neal had instructed me to give him all of Ryan’s information as well so when Ryan was giving me this he smiled and said, “How do I know YOU aren’t going to hurt me?”  Ah, yes, I am nearly 17 years older than him (*gasp…old enough I could have given birth to him technically…geeze) he should be worried!  So I dug out a business card and handed it to him.  “Keep this in your pocket that way when they find you they’ll know who did it.”

I know, morbid right?  We were hyped on adrenaline, anxious to get going, we just wanted to get out of that airport!  Joking about these things put us at ease and began the strange bond that God was creating.  While we were waiting Ryan was trying to talk to his parents who were at the Spokane airport waiting to offer him a grand Welcome Home and they were confused as to why he wasn’t there.  He kept explaining what happened and his Dad just couldn’t believe him!  I heard him explaining over and over again what had happened and what we were about to do.  Someone standing next to his dad heard we were getting a car and called their husband who had been on the flight with us to see if he could ride along.  We waited for him up to the point of when we were ready to get the car but he never showed, so I’m assuming he opted to do the morning flight.

That little bit is important to me but it shows me how important it was to God that Ryan and I have that four hour drive to Spokane alone.  We hopped in the car, punched in Spokane in the GPS that I rented (mainly to help us get out of Seattle) and then we were on our way.

The poor guy…he really didn’t know what he had gotten himself in to.  He asked me what I was doing in Spokane so I told him about the youth conference.  Then he asked what it was I spoke about…well we had 4 hours and I began with the very abbreviate version so that he wouldn’t be too uncomfortable.   But ten minutes into the drive we stopped for a ‘bathroom and snack break’ and when we were headed on the long stretch of Hwy 5 he said, “I want to hear your story.”  So I told it to him, all of it, and when I was done he gave me this odd look and said, “Wow, well I know you aren’t lying because how can you make something like that up?”

So then he began to tell me about what he related to within my story, which led to us going deeper into his childhood, his family dynamic, and ultimately what led him to join the military in order to ‘get right’ in his life.  As I mention often in my talks, we all have a story.  And his was filled with just as much hurt and pain as mine just different situations and different trials.  Plus, he is on the beginning of this journey to fight the good fight and become the man that God has created him to be.  He has dreams and a vision and I’m certain once he can fight the demons that continuously jump on his back he will conquer through and achieve every goal and more.

At one point in our journey he turned to me and said, “I’ve never told anyone these things.  It’s crazy that I can talk to you like this.”  I couldn’t help but smile because it affirmed my ‘gut’ feeling of realizing that possibly the biggest way God was ‘showing up’ in my day that fateful Friday was by orchestrating a way to get this young man and I in a car alone for four hours.  That to God a 20 minute conversation that we could have had on the plane would not have been enough time.  God loves this young man that much that he wanted him to be heard.

Not once was the radio played, except for the beginning when we were first starting out until he asked me about my ‘story’.  For four hours we talked and shared and bonded. He told me about his friends and why he cared for them so much and then by the time we were getting closer to Spokane he wanted me to meet his buddies so we took a detour and  I got to grab a quick bite with all of his friends and meet his dad.  I was honored that he included me in this homecoming.

When he dropped me off at the convention we took a picture (it would have been better had he not had the dip in his mouth ) and said our goodbyes.  But I don’t believe that is the end of our acquaintance.  I’ll keep up with him and surely I’ll pray for him daily.

Inside the convention center I was greeted with love and concern and then I saw Fr. John Amsberry and suddenly my resolve broke.  He had hugged me and asked if was alright and I spat out, “I just need to go to confession!  I had planned all along to come to you today to go to confession and on the plane when it was happening I kept thinking, NO! I need to go to confession!”  So he took me outside and on the streets of downtown Spokane he heard my confession (don’t get your minds going, I didn’t do anything that bad!).  And that is when I finally broke down and cried.

The rest of the night was a fog because the adrenaline rush had warn off and I was exhausted.  But I made it there just in time for adoration and oh how I adored him and gave praise and thanksgiving for all the ways in which He showed up for me that day.

The rest of the weekend was amazing as all of the Steubenville conferences are amazing.  You can’t beat watching hundreds and thousands of teens become vulnerable to God who longs for their hearts and to watch as they get to a place where they are handing Him their hearts with utter abandon.  And to hear the stories of some of these men and women who came up to me and poured out their hearts.  One precious young lady had gone through so much, truly more than I could fathom (so you can only imagine ALL that she’d been through!!!) and yet she was AGLOW with His love.  Her journey to healing will be long but she is equipped with the greatest healer.

Sunday morning during the empowerment part of my talk (empowerment is when we pray over the ladies, calling upon the Holy Spirit to give them the power and strength to overcome any issues that they are facing when they get home…we call out specific sins and allow them to speak them in their hearts to God (not out loud) and offer it up to His control) at this point I felt the call to read them Ephesians 5:6-14, the verse that inspired the title to EXPOSED.  I explained how God called out to me one night and gave the verse to me as I heard ‘Awake o sleeper arise from the dead and Christ will give you light’.  I went on to encourage them to voice these issues in their hearts as we prayed over them so as to ‘get them out of the dark’ and into the light.

That morning at Mass I had just received Christ in the Sacrament of the Eucharist and as I went to kneel in prayer the band began to play “Awake O Sleeper”.   Instantly I was engulfed in God’s love. It was like He was saying, “I am pleased with you.”  It cradled my head in my hands and cried tears of thanksgiving and joy.

He is faithful, true and constant.

Blessings

Shannon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Read more of how God can speak to each one of us in my memoir – EXPOSED: Inexcusable Me…Irreplaceable Him for only $1.99 on Kindle and in paperpack on Amazon.

 

Embracing Emotion (Healing in Our Feelings)

Tags

abuse, Abuse survivors, Faith, feeling our pain, God's love, grace, grace flows down, healing, healing after abuse, overcoming abuse, overcoming tragedy, Revelations 21:3-4

I cried.

And then I couldn’t stop.

A series finale of a show our family watches made me weep. It connected to something deep within me as a survivor and it triggered an emotion that I’ve spent many a year keeping at bay. For years when I was younger I found great pride in not crying, feeling for that matter. I smiled when I was hurt. I laughed when I was scared. And if a tear managed to seep through the cracks of my wall I froze the well and went numb and dry.

Then I saw God face to face. When he met me at my lowest as I cried out and looked up he SHOWED UP and pulled me off the ground like a ragdoll and cradled me in his arms…and I wept for years of sorrow kept buried.

Tears flowed freely after that moment. For a near decade I was able to show true emotion not only for myself but felt it deeply for others. And then new revelations bubbled up from deep within and I began to feel that way fortify with a new resilience. How easily we can go back to our defenses to ‘survive’.

When the memories of the abuse done by my grandfather surfaced and a barrier crumbled around me I thought for sure I was free from the shackles of numbness. But what I’ve come to realize is once my heart feels threatened and the pain is too intense to face it’s like my inner child hits a panic button and the wall materializes from the ground up, locking me within the safety of its core.

Thankfully, as I’ve become stronger and more wise on this healing journey I know the wall is much thinner, weaker. My true protection is the hand of God my Father. This wall is not needed and one day my prayer is that my inner child will feel safe enough to never need it again.

I’ve known it’s been up I just didn’t know what would help me bust through. Who knew the emotions of a fictional character would be that trigger?

The tears I embrace. This morning they kept coming. Everything is making me cry …but good tears. I watched my son walk into school and realized how soon we won’t come back to this school we’ve been attending for 12 years of his life (yes since he was 2 and in Mother’s Day Out). How quickly these years and moments fly by and life gets shorter and shorter.

One thought led to another and I thought about my older sister whom I hadn’t spoken to in months so I text her just to let her know I loved her. I cried when I spoke with a survivor this morning who found out her dream to have a child would not be possible. My heart ached for her sorrow in all that she has suffered and survived in this world. But I know God has His plan for her and His grace will flow down.

I’m crying and it is good. I don’t want the wall to come back. I want to feel. I want to embrace life. I don’t want any moment to slip away.

The life we have on this earth is much to short to waste hidden within ourselves. Join me in tearing down the walls we’ve created and begin to feel the love of God in all things.

Grace Flows Down:

 

Blessings

Shannon

Let It Rain (Healing in Tears)

Tags

crying, Faith, healing, healing after abuse, healing after child abuse, healing after rape, let go, Let Go and Let God, overcoming abuse, overcoming depression, overcoming tragedy

This morning I woke to my 9 month old Weimaraner, Millie, front paws on my chest our noses tip to tip. If she could speak I’m certain she was saying, “I’m sick of being inside. Walk me NOW.”

The dogs have been neglected these past few days because I’ve had meetings and other obligations. But this morning offered a bit of time so we set out for a walk. Rather, a walk-pull. She wants to run (not jog, and not run like a human…but with cheetah like speed RUN) and it creates a good arm workout to keep her leash in place so that Bailey, our 12 year old lab, can keep up.

Finally, we got to our spot. It’s a ditch that cuts between the neighborhood towards a golf course. There is a pathway along the ditch that is mowed and on either side the grass is at least 3 feet high. A neighbor told me about this spot and it has been a blessing ever since. I let them off their leash and they get to run at whatever speed they choose. Imagine that…they get to be what they were created to be! Dogs.

I was only a few yards into the pathway when the sky opened up and unleashed plump raindrops. For a split second I thought about taking cover. I looked to the side where beyond the fence of grass were trees that offered a decent amount of coverage. Two steps in I froze. Snakes hide in tall grass.

That was it. I was going to get wet and there was nothing I could do about it. Let it rain, Lord. Immediately, a correlation came to mind. Yesterday I conversed with a survivor after she listened to the Debbie Chavez interview I had done on Monday.

(Survivor) “It’s been a hard few weeks, heck a few years, but listening to the interview hit so many things in my life. I’m speechless. I’m sitting here crying like a baby.”

(Me) Let it out…tears bring healing.

(Survivor) “I don’t cry and I haven’t stopped since the interview started. I don’t want this pain anymore.”

(Me) To get past through the pain you have to let it out which means to feel it, to cry.

The rain pelted my face, soaked in my hair and shirt, and I didn’t melt. What was I so concerned about getting wet? Wouldn’t I dry? Couldn’t I change clothes? I was right to worry more about the snake in the high grass than to let a little water stop me in my tracks.

So often I work with survivors who are on the verge of talking about what happened but they stop. They are afraid. To feel the pain brings more fear because in order to survive they had to block out the feelings of what they experienced. Eventually, most survivors realize this is a pain that they no longer want to carry and they let it go. They ‘let it rain’ and the tears no longer burn as they fall but sooth as they heal.

Today I give you permission to cry. Cry and don’t stop yourself. Let it out. Let it go. Give yourself the gift of healing.

Blessings

Shannon

Get your copy of EXPOSED: Inexcusable Me…Irreplaceable Him today. Only $1.99!

Recognize the Good (Take Note of the Healing)

Tags

abuse, breaking patterns of abuse, Debbie Chavez show, healing, healing after betrayal, incest survivors, overcoming abuse, overcoming tragedy, rape survivors, survivors of abuse

There was a day, just as short as five months ago, that I looked at my situation and couldn’t see through the dirt and muck. A shadow of despair blocked the clarity of any future beyond the situation. Ironically the hope that carried me through came from situations past. Circumstances that were once bleak, dire and dreadful with time and God’s grace turned bright and fruitful.

If He could bring me out of the flaming embers of my past, dust me off and make me new why couldn’t he pick me up again?

It was that hope that I’ve held onto. And I made a commitment to dig deep within the very marrow of my bone to unearth more of what needs to be chiseled away to reveal His image within me.

Many of you have been walking along this healing journey with me for the year and I want to encourage you as we are only a 1/4 of the way through 2015 to take a moment and recognize how far you’ve come in the past four months. Take your journal and write down the accomplishments that have been made. Is your heart a little less hardened? Have you unearthed your some of our own truth that sheds light on your situation? Have you made a new friend or reached out to one from the past? What have you done different that helps?

Does today look like the day we began for months ago? I’d imagine not.

Now give yourself a hug and hold onto these positive moments. There is still more healing to be done but now imagine all the possibilities even one day can bring!

If you happened to miss this yesterday, I was interviewed on the Debbie Chavez Show. I’d love for you to listen.

Audio Player

http://www.shannonmdeitz.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/breaking-the-pattern-of-abuse.mp3

00:00

Use Left/Right Arrow keys to advance one second, Up/Down arrows to advance ten seconds.00:00

50:01

Use Up/Down Arrow keys to increase or decrease volume.

And don’t miss out on the FINAL DAY to get your FREE COPY OF EXPOSED!!!

Where is God? (Healing in Poetry)

Tags

Abuse survivors, Child Abuse Prevention, healing after abuse, healing poetry, how to heal after tragedy, how to heal from abuse, overcoming abuse, overcoming tragedy, poetry, poetry for abuse survivors, Sexual Assault Awareness, Where is God in suffering, Where is God in Tragedy?, where is God?

One great gift I have in leading this ministry of healing is I receive the most heartfelt pieces of prose, poetry, personal stories, etc.

This weekend I ran into a woman I’d met quite a while back and she has been following the blog. She asked how I was doing, clearly understanding that this year is a one of endurance, growth and God’s extended grace. I gave her a genuine smile in response, “I’m two steps ahead most days and one step back at times but for the most part I am much much better.”

Her eyes reflected the feeling.  The following day I received an email from her that contained a numerous amount of inspired poetry. One poem boasted quite a title, “Where is God“.

Today I spoke to a thriver of abuse (not just survivor but a woman I will be using as a resource within the ministry who has overcome and now heals with Theophostic prayer) and she admitted to questioning where God was when we feel he’s abandoned us in the midst of evil. I remember crying out to God, “Don’t you care?!”

Makes you wonder why Christ on the cross cried out “My God, my God why have You abandoned me?” (Matthew 27:46) just before our redemption was sealed with his final breath.

God has clearly not abandoned us in the least. In fact he is so near he is within us, surrounding us, holding our eyes open, helping our heart to beat, our diaphragm to expand. He is sustaining us through the evil of another’s will and choice until we choose to recognize his presence and guidance in our lives. And then we learn to fight as righteous rather than victims.

What is your choice? It is our choice that lead us to inflict evil, walk away from evil, deflect evil and even love despite evil.

Where is God? He is in every thread of your being but you have to make a choice to see your true heritage.

Where is God

When you feel as if you cannot take another step

When crying is all you feel you have left

You ask where God is

He is in the tear drop that falls

Bathing and healing your soul.

 

When you have walked away from all of your beliefs

And feel that prayer is something you cannot say

He walks quietly beside you, though you may not see him

Youwill feel his grace in the strangest of ways

In the quiet of the night or walking across a floor

Past a stranger on the street who knows

The healing power of touch,a kind word, a smile

When you seem lost, afraid to step out and feel

Is when He holds yourhand and quietly leads you

 

The moments when you feel that you are alone

When there is no one near to hold you

And you fear that your prayers will not be heard

That is when your soulis held

The closest to His heart

Through the darkness you do not see and so often

It is then that you fail to look for the light within

A light given at birth, lasting till the end

When you feel that you cannot breathe, let alone take a step

And you feel thefrailness of your being

When you are afraid to see or chose not to believe

You ask where God was when my world crumbled within

 

It is then that the wonder of His grace may be felt

If you just take that breath, and make that step

For His grace is all around you, though you cannot see

When it seems as if there are no tomorrows that you can bear

That is when God is truly there

~ “C”

Blessings

Shannon

Purchase your copy of EXPOSED: Inexcusable Me…Irreplaceable Him on KINDLE for only $1.99!

Hopeful Hearts Gala – We had a SWEET Time!!!

Tags

celebrating survivors, healing, healing after tragedy, healing from abuse, Hopeful Hearts Gala, overcoming abuse, overcoming tragedy, Snapcounts, survivors healing

Joy overflows and bubbles up within me. I prayed for a ‘decent’ showing of people and support for the first Hopeful Hearts Gala and the day before it began we had SO MUCH support that we had to switch to a bigger ballroom to accommodate everyone! The BEST problem to have.

*Pictures provided by SnapCounts Photography

I wanted the night to be FUN, INFORMATIVE, AND MORE FUN. God delivered!

And we had FUN FUN FUN!!!!

And we can’t forget the SWEETS for the SWEET!

The band played till it was literally closing time. An amazing evening and a great ‘FIRST’ gala! I can’t wait till next year!

THANK YOU  to every single person who contributed to the evening.

• The women on the gala committee who worked their tushes off, spent their own dimes and dollars, and put their LOVE and hard work into the evening – I’m INDEBTED to you!!!
• To the SPONSORS and to ALL OF THOSE WHO ATTENDED – thank you for the support!!!
• To all of you who sent in donations but couldn’t make the event  – YOU ARE A BLESSING
• To 5th Avenue Band who ROCKED THE HOUSE!! It was not a party without you!!
• And to every single person across the globe who sent me messages of support and encouragement PRAYING for me and the evening – LOVE YOU!!!!

And to my husband, Neal, for making a dream of mine come to fruition from the get go – your support and understanding means the world to me. I love you and I thank you.

Finally thank you to GOD ALMIGHTY who gave a call to a wounded woman … thank you for healing me as I help lead others to your healing grace.

To see all 174 pictures taken of the event go to SnapCounts.com and for every photo purchased Hopeful Hearts Ministry receives 15%! Thank you Andrea Blizman!

If you missed this year DON’T WORRY we will do it again next year!! And we would be more than happy to continue to receive your donations and support.

Blessings

Shannon

Raise a Glass! (Healing at it’s finest)

Tags

Abuse survivors, celebrating you, healing, healing after abuse, healing from abuse, overcoming abuse, overcoming tragedy

TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT!!!!

Since the inception of Hopeful Hearts Ministry I have dreamed of having our ‘first gala’ not ‘just’ to raise funds but to provide an evening of FUN and LAUGHTER and DANCING for survivors to smile about life!

It is upon us now. I can’t believe it. Yesterday we were at the venue and realized so many people had signed up that we are having to move to a bigger room!!!

What I love the most is to hear from the survivors who are traveling from all over the area to be here expressing their anticipation and excitement for the evening as well. This one is for us!

This night is about celebrating our strength, rejoicing in our courage, and highlighting our true worth and dignity that doesn’t have to be masked by the shame of what has been done to us.

Yesterday I received an email from a fellow survivor and she said, “Raise a glass for me.” And it hit me…ABSOLUTELY I’ll raise a glass for us all! Because tonight we are celebrating US!

Blessings

Shannon