“The Weakness of God is Stronger than Human Strength”

Tags

Believing God, child abuse survivors, Corinth, dispelling the lies of the enemy, encouragement, Faith, healing, healing for survivors, inspiration, knowing God's truth, Lent journey, overcoming abuse, survivors, survivors of abuse

** I know at times many of these posts get put out there but I felt as we are in the middle of Lent that this would be another great one to share to remind us of where the source of our strength comes from.**

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I’m still here.

Held up by God’s strength at times, but I rest knowing being close to Him is probably the best place I’ve been in a long, long time.

A fellow survivor wrote me after the last post and said, “You are being too hard on yourself.”

Possibly.

Since taking on this ministry I’ve gone from sharing my ‘experiences’ in God ‘showing up’ to feeling pulled to make sure what came from here was ‘inspirational’. The first was on my heart with no goal of even one person reading and the second, though also from my heart, morphed into writing for the proverbial ‘reader’ that would somehow share and bring more readers and more ‘likes’. Soon I was ‘advised’ to write on this topic, and that article and, though many I wanted to, there were times I didn’t.

 

Devastated by loss. Disheartened by betrayal. Disillusioned in the meaning of Christianity. Was it a good time for me to be ‘ON AIR’?

I sat down to pray in the seconds before the interview. “Lord, let it be Your Word and not my own. I’m mad, angry, hurt and defeated now but I still know YOU will overcome in the end.”

I believed every word.

This prayer is what has held me up out of the raging seas and into His warm embrace.

It is hard to write when you don’t feel ‘inspired’. Therefore, being ‘inspirational’ turns into a feeling of insecurity and fans the flames of not feeling ‘good enough’. Lies of the enemy.

Last night in prayer I cried out to God and asked Him to let me know if I needed to ‘hang my hat’ maybe this isn’t for me after all. Am I really ‘inspiring’ anyone? Boohoo, right? Wha wha… whoa-es me.

Could I feel sorry for myself any more??

At 6am I woke to check my emails and found an email from a survivor.  One line that made me put on my big girl panties this morning and realize God’s wisdom is greater than mine…even his weakness is greater than any strength I could muster.

“Your sharing of your story, your truth, was very powerful. I especially liked the part where you defended the (any) abused child by saying “it’s not right”  (to take away the voice of a child). That really hit home and I was moved by your honesty, courage, and willingness to stand up for and speak out on behalf of the abused child…This ministry that you are living and participating in is very, very powerful and important and needed.  I just want to thank you very much for doing what you are doing, for saying “yes” to this work, and for standing up for the abused child.”

I couldn’t (and certainly wouldn’t) make it up if I wanted. JUST SHOW UP…right??? HE SHOWS UP? We just need to LISTEN…and give ourselves a break. I AM A SURVIVOR. And when I get asked ‘how do you do it’? I need to remind myself and everyone else it is one moment, one day at a time. We CAN and will overcome but there might be moments we ‘fall’ into the ‘old habits’ of being a victim. The key is to allow God to catch you in his arms and NOT be so hard on yourself. Look…I’m still working on it.

For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength. 1 Corinthians 1:20-24

As survivors the ONLY way we CAN continue to thrive and ENJOY life beyond our past is to be honest about where we are at in the moment, to seek help, good counsel, and rely on God’s strength. Practicing on a daily basis to recognize the lies of the enemy over the truth of His loving word and promise. This is how I ‘do’ it.

Blessings

Shannon

Fighting Back – Kaitlyn’s Story

Tags

child abuse, Child Abuse Awareness, child sexual abuse, Faith, healing, healing after abuse, hope, inspiration, romans 8:38, spiritual, spiritual warfare

*Reposted from last year*

Kaitlyn reached out to me when I posted that I wanted YOUR STORIES and asked if I was serious.  ABSOLUTELY I’m serious!  2014 is about YOU having YOUR VOICE in order to give others HOPE.  I know it takes a LOT to not only have a voice but to also put it out there to share with the world.  Which makes sharing her story, and any others I have coming soon, that much more precious to me.  It takes courage and I am so proud to have this opportunity to share with you Kaitlyn’s story.

Side note, another exciting aspect of sharing her story is having her share with me that she heard me speak to her high school almost five years ago!  To know that she is still encouraged to follow along my journey is humbling.  SHOW HER SOME LOVE and let her know how amazing she is!

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They say that one moment can change your life forever, and it is true. When I was four years old I was molested by my mom’s friend’s son, and that moment changed my life forever. I didn’t know exactly what it meant at the time, but I did feel that it was something I couldn’t share with anyone, and I didn’t for a long time. For about seven years I kept silent and did horrible, unhealthy things to my body as some way to cope with the memory.  The more I reached the reality of it all, the more tempting it was to do these things to myself. I finally stopped these behaviors in the eighth grade. These actions made me completely hate myself. I confessed these sins and vowed to never practice them again. This left freedom, but also a great emptiness in my life. Actions that I had used to define me did not exist anymore. Things went downhill for a few years. I got little to no sleep, tossing and turning from flashbacks and racing thoughts. I became severely depressed and my only temporary escape was the few moments that I would have completely alone and to myself, where I would cry hysterically until I had nothing left.

It was when I was a sophomore in high school when I had said enough was enough. In the privacy of confession, I confronted my high school chaplain. I felt vulnerable and ashamed, but I needed help. I needed to really cope with the event, and forgive myself for the effects. The first meeting with him outside of the confessional was one of the hardest. I had to recount every horrible detail to him. I hardly knew this priest, and I was letting him in on every pitiful detail of my life. He coincided with a Catholic psychologist whom I could only meet with once without parental consent. The thing was is my parents didn’t know anything. My progress came to a halt as my next step was to tell them and that petrified me. I will never forget the day that my mom, dad, and I sat in Father’s office. This was one of my hardest moments in life. I couldn’t speak or look at them. Father had to take over the meeting as I was frozen in fear. They were about to know everything.  Afterwards, a huge weight was lifted, and we hugged in the high school hallway and cried. They had no idea; they couldn’t believe it.  It was the first time that I had seen my dad cry, and the first time my parents had a taste of the inner torment I had hidden from them for 12 years. Things at home changed drastically. My parents had a daughter who was hurting, and they did all they could to show love and support.

After this meeting, I met with Father and the psychologist on a regular basis. We even pulled in my family physician. I needed healing, forgiveness, love, courage, and faith and I was getting it medically, psychologically, and spiritually. I wanted to attack this dark cloud from all angles. The journey over the next few years was a roller coaster; good times and bad. The spring of my freshman year of college though, things got really bad. I don’t know if it was the new environment that triggered it, but I was falling apart. I doubted God’s love and mercy; there was such a distance. I would look up to the skies and say, “How dare you to have allowed this to happen to me. Why Lord?”  I had uncontrollable thoughts and dreams that I felt even the devil himself would have been ashamed of. They tormented me; involved those I loved most. I woke up disgusted with myself. The dreams were so vivid and real that it felt like I had actually done these actions; I felt the guilt of them. I knew these things tormenting my brain were not of me. They killed me inside. It was at this time that it was decided the next step would be an exorcism for the relief of an obsession. I received the right of exorcism over six times. After the first series, I had never felt so free. God gave me two days of complete freedom; I got to enjoy the Kaitlyn without all of the baggage, the sin, the guilt, the hurt. It was pure bliss. But it ended, and there were more sessions to come. It was just this year that the sessions ended and the darkness of evil had completely lifted.

Where I sit now is tough. I have forgiven my molester and am just sort of sitting still for a while. I am being allowed to just be; not going backward and slowly moving forward I still have my struggles, and still have my therapies, but I am such a better person, a different person, a stronger person than I was 16 years ago. There is emptiness where my past was, and my job now, what I am fighting for now, is to fill it with God’s love. I was encouraged by my spiritual director (my former high school chaplain) to envision a white space, an empty pure space, where I ask God to enter and reside. It is a calm meditation for still such a busy mind. I need to completely let go and let God in. I don’t have to do this by myself. I am not defined by this. I have a voice. There is a reason for this journey.

Now I am putting my energy into something much more positive. I have one more year of undergrad, and then I plan to attend medical school. Nothing gets me more excited or my heart more on fire than the thought of helping people through faith and medicine.  I have so much support from my family, and those who have helped me on this journey. God is so good!

*~Kaitlyn is the oldest of seven children from Bismarck, ND. She is currently a junior at the University of Mary where she plans to graduate with a major in biology (pre-med concentration), as well as a minor in Catholic studies and chemistry. She hopes to attend medical school following graduation. Aside from school she likes being outside, traveling, photography, dancing, being with family, and playing with her pet cat, dog, and sugar glider.~*

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Thank you, Kaitlyn, for sharing your story.

If YOU have a story you would like to share please contact me at hopefulhearts333@gmail.com.

Show Kaitlyn some LOVE and leave her a comment below!

Blessings

Shannon

Healing Rage – Yuoranda’s Story

Tags

Faith, healing, healing after abuse, healing after rape, Healing Rage, Healing the Rage Within, inspiration, rape, rape survivors, sexual assault, Sexual Assault Awareness

As often as I receive them I will be featuring every Monday one of YOUR stories.  By having a VOICE you are speaking out and helping to heal others!  Yuoranda reached out to me via the Hopeful Hearts Ministry Facebook Page and we realized our missions and stories were similar in many regards.  I knew her story, and ministry, will help many.

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MY STORY:

I was sexually abused by my step father from age 6 to 16. In addition to the sexual abuse, I was also raped twice, aged out of the Georgia Foster Care System at age 17, a cutter from age 14 to 21, I attempted suicide twice, and constantly saw my mother beaten by my stepfather. Going through all of these trials as well as witnessing my mother turn to alcohol to deal with the dysfunction could have easily destroyed me (and almost did) from the inside out. But it was because of my belief in God and my willingness to forgive & work on myself, that I was able to overcome my brokenness and heal my hurt. Admittedly, the process was not an easy one but I refused to allow my hurt to further dictate my actions or my outlook on life. At what I believed to be my lowest point in life, (homeless in a state with no family & having to beg strangers for food to feed my children) I realized that living life my way was the wrong way. It was then that I decided to face my truth for what it was and allow God to work on me, in me, & through me.

Because there are so many women who have endured the tragedy of sexual abuse and rape and have not healed from their pain, I knew that sharing my voice could possibly help them in some way.

While sitting at work one day, I had the vision to start an organization and Healing R.A.G.E. (Raped & Abused Girls Everywhere) was founded November 2011. Healing R.A.G.E. is a nonprofit organization dedicated to encouraging women who have been raped and abused. We encourage women to get the healing they deserve, so that they can live a life of happiness and have an active role in their healthy living.

Our guiding principle is a scripture taken from the Bible and reads: So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT)

Our mission is to aid in the process of healing, happiness, & healthy living by supporting victims through educational counseling and advocating change while raising awareness.

The purpose of Healing R.A.G.E is to help bring awareness to the world about the long lasting effects of rape & sexual abuse when the victim has not healed properly. Also to help those who have been directly affected heal their hurt through positive affirmations, Godly inspirations, and by sharing my story as well a many other survivor stories. It is my dream to help as many women as possible through my Sister2Sister Mentorship Program, Healing Sessions Support Groups, Healing Calls, Awareness & Prevention Seminars, as well as the many programs under our Community Healing Program.

It is my prayer that many women will be encouraged to start their individual healing journeys, be able to heal their hurt as well as find their own voices to speak out against abuse and rape.

BIO:

Yuoranda (Rhonda) Walker, a survivor of child sexual abuse and rape, is founder of the nonprofit organization Healing R.A.G.E. (Raped & Abused Girls Everywhere). She resides in Houston, TX with her husband and children. In addition to being a wife and mother, Yuoranda is also a newly published author of her true life story titled Healing the Rage Within which can be purchased on Amazon. Yuoranda, an advocate for abuse and rape, enjoys reading, writing, spending time with her family and just enjoying life as God allows her to experience it. You can read more about her organization online at www.healingrage.org. Her organization is also on Face Book at www.facebook.com/healingrage as well as on Twitter @healingrageorg.

 

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Let’s give Yuoranda some support and comment to let her know how courageous she is not only for speaking out but moving forward to help other women who have been raped and to heal the rage within.

Blessings

Shannon

The Weakness of God is Stronger than Human Strength – (Corinth)

Tags

child abuse survivors, Corinth, encouragement, Faith, healing, healing for survivors, inspiration, overcoming abuse, survivors, survivors of abuse

I’m still here.

Held up by God’s strength at times, but I rest knowing being close to Him is probably the best place I’ve been in a long, long time.

A fellow survivor wrote me after the last post and said, “You are being too hard on yourself.”

Possibly.

Since taking on this ministry I’ve gone from sharing my ‘experiences’ in God ‘showing up’ to feeling pulled to make sure what came from here was ‘inspirational’. The first was on my heart with no goal of even one person reading and the second, though also from my heart, morphed into writing for the proverbial ‘reader’ that would somehow share and bring more readers and more ‘likes’. Soon I was ‘advised’ to write on this topic, and that article and, though many I wanted to, there were times I didn’t.

In these past few weeks there have been many articles and news topics I could’ve and possibly should’ve written about:

Bill Cosby  – REALLY? What more can I say that perpetrators do NOT look like monsters and most often they are the LAST person you’d expect. But we’ll continue to here news such as the ‘every day’ father like BILL COSBY who has allegedly (cough) assaulted women for decades and be surprised?? KOODOS to the first woman who came forward and to the subsequent women who have put their reputations on the line. Survivors like me KNOW why you remained silent. But no more. Today you found your VOICE.  My APPLUASE to you. You have my heart and prayers.

Funny…I didn’t want to write about that and now I’m fired up. The fire in me to fight ‘this’ (the issue of abuse) will never subside…rather it’ll spread and burn.

Or how about the Rolling Stones article on the UVA Rape scene? I was called to do a radio interview about that article the day after David’s funeral. I didn’t even know it had gone out. Quickly I read through the multi-paged article and became enraged. I had only a few minutes before the producer called and put me on air.  (Here is an ‘open letter’ from a survivor to the woman who wrote the article…for survivors in particular it is a MUST READ…bravo!)

Devastated by loss. Disheartened by betrayal. Disillusioned in the meaning of Christianity. Was it a good time for me to be ‘ON AIR’?

I sat down to pray in the seconds before the interview. “Lord, let it be Your Word and not my own. I’m mad, angry, hurt and defeated now but I still know YOU will overcome in the end.”

I believed every word.

This prayer is what has held me up out of the raging seas and into His warm embrace.

It is hard to write when you don’t feel ‘inspired’. Therefore, being ‘inspirational’ turns into a feeling of insecurity and fans the flames of not feeling ‘good enough’.

Last night in prayer I cried out to God and asked Him to let me know if I needed to ‘hang my hat’ maybe this isn’t for me after all. Am I really ‘inspiring’ anyone? Boohoo, right? Wha wha… whoa-es me.

Could I feel sorry for myself any more??

At 6am I woke to check my emails and found an email from a survivor.  One line that made me put on my big girl panties this morning and realize God’s wisdom is greater than mine…even his weakness is greater than any strength I could muster.

“Your sharing of your story, your truth, was very powerful. I especially liked the part where you defended the (any) abused child by saying “it’s not right”  (to take away the voice of a child). That really hit home and I was moved by your honesty, courage, and willingness to stand up for and speak out on behalf of the abused child…This ministry that you are living and participating in is very, very powerful and important and needed.  I just want to thank you very much for doing what you are doing, for saying “yes” to this work, and for standing up for the abused child.”

I couldn’t (and certainly wouldn’t) make it up if I wanted. JUST SHOW UP…right??? HE SHOWS UP? We just need to LISTEN…and give ourselves a break. I AM A SURVIVOR. And when I get asked ‘how do you do it’? I need to remind myself and everyone else it is one moment, one day at a time. We CAN and will overcome but there might be moments we ‘fall’ into the ‘old habits’ of being a victim. The key is to allow God to catch you in his arms and NOT be so hard on yourself. Look…I’m still working on it.

I wanted to post the FINAL pictures from my trip with my mother and parish to the Holy Land…though it was taken two months ago the experience remains in my heart. Our final trip was to Corinth…where Paul spoke to the Corinthians.

Where is the wise person? Where is the teacher of the law? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21 For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. 22 Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom, 23 but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, 24 but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25 For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength. 1 Corinthians 1:20-24 

 

As survivors the ONLY way we CAN continue to thrive and ENJOY life beyond our past is to be honest about where we are at in the moment, to seek help, good counsel, and rely on God’s strength. This is how I ‘do’ it.

Blessings

Shannon

What ELSE is inside of you?

Tags

child abuse survivors, Child Sexual Assault Survivors, CSA, Faith, healing after abuse, healing after rape, inspiration, rape survivors

“If you weren’t telling your story and helping women all over the world what else would you be doing? What else is inside you?”

This question greeted me in an email from a reader/survivor and struck me like a slap on the chest. It awakened a sense of wonder that hibernates precariously beneath the blanket of who I’ve always been.

Do you ever wonder, “If I didn’t do this, weren’t that, etc what would I be doing?” Would “I” be different?

These types of questions tantalize the writer in me because I can always escape ‘into my head’ …but there are moments when it’s not safe to be ‘in my head’.

But this woman’s question hit me because I’ve wondered that myself…what else is inside me? In reality it is the very statement I strive to guide survivors to – what is inside of them that does not have anything to do with the abuse. To focus on who they are outside of the abuse. The gifts that exist not because of the abuse but because of who they are and who God created them to be.

We are more than what happened to us. We are mothers, wives, doctors, artists, politicians, lawyers, designers, engineers, singers, song-writers, poets, authors, teachers and so so much more.

My initial response was this:

It’s funny you should ask me THAT question today. I think about that a lot. WHO AM I if not for doing what I do right now?

As long as I’ve been strong enough to want to live ( I mean REALLY live) I’d say since the moment I went to confession when I was 19 and told the priest everything….. I’ve been wanting to help others NOT suffer the way I felt I had ( and was).

The MOST joy I receive is speaking in front of groups. Working with women like you. And receiving some feedback that maybe, just maybe, I led them to a brighter light in their existence.

But still I get JUST as angry at all the evil. Sometimes it’s so much and he (the enemy) gets to me. But thankfully God prevails. Always

But there are moments I wonder “What would my life look like if I didn’t do what I do?”

I’ll never know. Because I can’t EXIST knowing what I do and NOT trying to bring others to recognize their TRUE WORTH.

Because every time I do it tears the enemy apart.

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Now I’ll admit that once I answered I dipped my toe into the pool of wonder and contemplated the question deeper. In that moment Neal came in and made the comment “Let’s just go run away for awhile.” This brought tears to my eyes. How well does he know me?

I laughed and chimed in, “Let’s take the kids and run off to Europe or Costa Rica or something. Sell everything and do something different.” (Yes, I watch HGTV’s International House Hunters a little too much.)

“Now you’re talking. But I was just thinking for like a week or two but hey, forever. Okay.” He laughed.

I cried. I don’t know why but I cried. He didn’t notice.

Five minutes later he came in the room with his phone and read me an article from the Huffington Post, “5 Reasons Why You Should Have Sex with Your Husband Every Night.”

I stared at him. Really?

And then I had to laugh. I guess I was asking for a way to ‘do life different’…didn’t need that specific of an answer though.

We are complicated creatures which is the beauty of who we are. We are not defined by one instance, one person, one action or one tragedy. We are a beautifully woven tapestry of gifts, talents, experiences, thoughts and feelings that is still in progress.

May you realize what ‘else’ that is inside of you is recognized at your bidding.

Blessings

Shannon

 

Cleaning House – (There is no other way but one day at a time! ;) )

Tags

Depression, getting organized, getting out of a funk, inspiration, one day at a time, organization

Ha! I’m sure Neal’s interested in this post. Too bad I don’t mean literally. Shah, right…

In the four days I’ve been home I have been inundated with tasks. The mother-ly kind. The minister-ly kind. The business-ly kind. And the friend-ly kind.

Though I hate to refer to being a mother as a ‘task’,  it is not a task to love my boys. It is a task to be their taxi driver.

You see what I mean? I enjoy being a mother. I embrace my call as a minister and am blessed by it. My friends bring me life and laughter. The ‘busYness’ aspect of what I need to do in my days …. not so much.

For some reason over these past few weeks I’ve gotten a bug to achieve a few more things – like learning Spanish. Ha! Don’t laugh…I’m going to try. I want to sit down at least two days a week for at least an hour and treat it as a class. Knowing Spanish will help me in so many ways.

Before I got this idea I also signed up for a class in dealing with Non-profits. I figured I needed to know more about what the heck I’m doing on that ‘business…busyness’ end of things. It’s online and only a 25 day course…one I can do at my leisure. Right now I have 14 days of ‘classes’ in my email glaring at me to begin.

To top it off I received an email from my agent letting me know that I could have an ‘in’ with one of the TOP (yes TOP I mean…T O P) publishing houses if I write a particular book. It wouldn’t be a ‘done deal’. They believe I would be a good ‘fit’ to write this particular book and so they said send them a pitch. A pitch consists of a concept, chapter outline, sample chapters, etc. IF…IF…IF they like the pitch then I’d be ‘in’.

You’d think I’d be pushing everything else aside to clamber at this opportunity to possibly get an ‘in’ with this publisher. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to blow it off but this is new to me. First I’ve only written about my own experiences. Second the books I’ve written that have yet to be published have come from a ‘spark’ within. I receive the idea and I pray about it. I won’t write it unless I feel God is directing the show.

So now I have to go backwards. Look at this concept they are giving me and see if God will ‘enlighten’ me on what should be written. We’ll see…I’m praying about it.

In order to embrace these developments…I feel a great need to ‘clean house’. Get myself in gear. Get organized and back on track.

Have you ever gotten lazy or so overwhelmed you pile things on top of one another secretly wishing they’ll disappear in the stack or somehow someone else will come in and do it for you?

Newsflash (at least it’s my newsflash) it’s apparently not going to happen. I don’t care how many crazy things I’ve seen in this world I know I’m going to have to be the one to do my own work.

How? One step at a time. One item at a time. One task at a time.

Brings me to something funny I heard someone say when they hear another person comment that they are ‘getting by one day at a time’. How else can we get by? We can’t rush ahead one week or one month at a time. The only way we can physically, mentally and emotionally be is by living literally one day at a time.

So isn’t it apropos that the only way to get ourselves out of a funk or back on track is to simply begin by doing one thing at a time?

And in the words of a beloved radio host, Laura Schlessigner, – Now go take on the day!

Blessings

Shannon

Going Public – 12 Week Challenge (Start of Week 10…I am NOT a Failure!!!)

Tags

12 week challenge, body for life, fitness challenge, healing after abuse, inspiration, public challenge, survivors of abuse

It is the beginning of week 10. I have three weeks to go in this challenge. Where am I?

I’m the very same weight as when I began.

It is not how a challenge is supposed to go but I am not a failure.

First of all, I did manage to get down at least 5 pounds in the past 9 weeks…but I also made decisions to live my life a little bit ‘out loud’ and those 5 pounds found their way back.

Maybe I’m a security blanket for the weight?

 

In all seriousness I know exactly what I did wrong. I went on vacation and I didn’t count my calories or make sure I didn’t eat sweets and back off on a glass of wine or two (or maybe three at times). Of course I wasn’t going to lose. We all know this.

But the real CHALLENGE, the real reason why I chose to do this and go public was to see if I could change my way of thinking. I’ve been down this road before. I start a challenge, say I’m going to do this by this date and external circumstances happen that keep me from completing my goal so my mind begins talking.

The true challenge was to change my way of thinking.

In nine weeks I managed to get over fears and even have the grace and courage to speak to my mom about something that is uncomfortable. But I did it and I’m better for it. I had my voice. I feel empowered and like I matter.

The rest of the 3 weeks of this challenge will be to see what I can do with the other issue of my mind. Cutting out the self-degrading monologue in my mind.  For me this is what I hear because I am back to where I started weight wise:

“You might as well eat that hamburger or whatever you want because it’s obvious you can’t get your body  or mind to change. Go ahead and let it go.”

And

“What difference does it make if you weigh 145 or 135? It’s only 10 pounds. You’ll never be able to get to your goal. You’ll only make a fool of yourself for trying and going public.”

You know, even my father told me in the start of this that my ‘pooch’ was hereditary and that I am losing the challenge before I even begin. He loves me, he only said it to make sure I wasn’t setting myself up for failure but it also makes me realize I give myself that same ‘self degrading’ talk. “You are fighting a lost cause Shannon.” “Who cares Shannon?”  “You are too self-absorbed. You are too insecure. You are too weak…” etc etc etc.

Enough.

I’m fighting back. As I said last week. Never ever ever give up. Ever. I’m going to try.

I don’t know what I’ll manage in three more weeks. And I might have to continue on but it’s not so much the weight I want gone but the ability to get rid of the degrading monologue in my mind.

I can do this. So can you. What has your challenge been? Have you succeeded? Are you feeling like a failure because you’ve tripped up or weakened at a moment that would push you to success?

Continue on with me my friend. Together let’s prove to ourselves that we are the strong, capable, courageous and worthy people who deserve to achieve whatever we put our mind to.

Agreed?

Blessings

Shannon

 

 

Never Give Up – Even when you seem to fall hard. ;)

Tags

12 week challenge, body for life, encouragement, inspiration, never giving up, personal challenge, trying again

Oh my I didn’t realize when we set out for Colorado that I wouldn’t have internet! I am doing this off of my iPad 4G service with one bar. For those of you who might not know the struggle one bar and only 4G brings…well let me tell you I’m limited. (Worse, turns out I couldn’t get this out till I got back today!)

Had I thought ahead I would’ve done the post early. My apologies. Isn’t that how life goes?

I can tell you that I went in for my 8 week weigh in on Wednesday. As expected I did not improve. In the four weeks time between the last weigh in I went on my Anniversary vacation and a little girls weekend get away. I decided to LIVE LIFE and, well, that doesn’t include dieting.

I gained 2 pounds and went up a percentage in body fat.  BUT I’m not at all upset. I feel good. Seriously I feel good. I feel strong. I feel at rest mentally and emotionally. I feel the best I’ve felt in years!

So who can complain?

I have 4 weeks to end this ’12 week challenge’ but I’ve decided not to stop at the end of the challenge. I DO want to get to my ‘physical’ goals but what I’ve accomplished so far in this challenge is beyond what I could’ve anticipated.

I want to encourage you to not give up. If you started a challenge with me and didn’t quite make your ‘goal’ so far, do not give up.

Life happens and I believe the important part of a ‘challenge’ is to recognize your internal strength by pushing through. Picking yourself up and trying again.

I used to tell my boys when they were young, ‘Try try again.’

That’s all God asks of us is to try.

Be blessed.

Blessings
Shannon

Going Public – 12 Week Challenge (Getting Stronger!) 7 weeks down…

Tags

Abuse survivors, body for life, child abuse survivors, don't compare, Faith, fitness challenge, getting stronger, inspiration, personal challenge, social media

Seven weeks down and I feel stronger.

This challenge has turned into much more than a physical or weight challenge. The reason why I began was to force myself to override the self-destructive thought process that inevitably takes me down and prevents me from crossing the line from a mediocre existence to vibrant living.

 

I realize my body is created a certain way and I might never have a flat stomach. And that is now, finally, finally I accept it, it is now OKAY. I feel strong and I feel good about me and that is all that matters.

Appreciating our uniqueness is what matters.  Putting a stop to our degrading internal dialogue is a must.

Here is a quick “Just Show Up Moment” on being YOU with no comparison to others.

My heart is filled with pride for the survivors I’ve been working with on their own ‘personal challenges’. They’ve shown remarkable resilience and determination to live the life God intended for them and their families. We are not meant to give in and lay down to the evil working malevolence of the enemy.

If you have been following this challenge and are considering what you ‘wish’ you could overcome … I implore you to begin now. It takes your ‘yes’ and one day at a time. You are stronger than you realize.

I’d love to walk with you along the way. Contact me and let me know how I can help.

Blessings

Shannon

A Survivor of Abuse and 18 Years of Marriage

Tags

anniversary, incest survivor, inspiration, marriage, marriage issues, survivor of abuse

It has been 18 long and glorious years.

Before I met Neal the longest relationship I had was with Joe Davis, in high school. We lasted 9 months before I got scared and forced him to break up with me. A few months later he was killed in a car accident. It was very hard to embrace love after Joe.

When I met Neal I had sworn off men. For good reason. My track record wasn’t the greatest.

Neal stuck with me for 18 years even though there were many times I tried to make him leave me. Funny thing with us survivors sometimes intimacy is scarier than being alone.

It was easier for me to be close to a stranger who knew nothing about me than to feel comfortable with a man who knew my deepest darkest most intimate secrets.

Comfortable. You’d think that is a word that encompasses the relationship of a husband and wife. Not so for me. I was often uncomfortable because of what was expected in marriage.

I don’t know how Neal put up with me for 18 years … and counting. All I can say is thank God he hasn’t given up on me because walls have come down and I am comfortable with him. I’m learning to embrace the intimacy of someone knowing you in every detail. I’m facing my fears and this is where I’m finding my strength.

Thank you Neal Deitz for loving me through my worst and helping me to see my best. I love you.

Here is a song that I would like to dedicate to Neal…every word I could’ve written myself.

Lennon & Maisy “That’s What’s Up”

Blessings

Shannon