Sometimes I Cry … When I can’t do nothing else.
It’s the truth, and though it sounds depressing…it’s rather freeing.
I’ve been trying to figure out HOW to blog over this past week when all I have on my mind are things that I can’t say because of confidentiality or because certain things are hitting a tender place in my heart that I don’t know how to be as objective as I know ‘you’ the reader deserve.
So many new people have come into the headquarters along with their own version of injustice, hardship, suffering and despair. Stories that even make me cringe inside and I’ve gone through, and or heard, most every unimaginable abuse known (or so I once thought).
The evil in this world doesn’t surprise me anymore…unfortunately. But what keeps me going is the absolute resilience of people. I have looked into the creation of God who have suffered the most unimaginable evils not once, not twice, but multiple times and in multiple ways and yet they still make it to my couch with that sliver of HOPE.
It is a lot to hear but with God’s GRACE it’s the resilience and HIS HOPE I see in their eyes that keeps me determined to help Him pull them close because I know without a doubt that one day those unimaginable evils can and will soon be a chapter in the past.It wasn’t until this weekend when I learned that this ‘mess’ has hit a little too close for comfort in my ‘broad inner circle’ and it thrust me into a vortex I’ve not quite experienced, (well without actually being the victim)…. straight in the middle of victim and accused. I feel disbelief, shock, uncertainty of truth, vindication for the victim, sorrow and at the same time anger toward the accused, and an overwhelming responsibility to the victim to help, especially because of this ‘connection’ and just by saying that, it makes a choice which then splits the act of ‘betrayal’ down the middle as well. I feel betrayed and I know by saying where I feel I am best to help, then I betray.
I know for many I’m not making sense which is why I haven’t been blogging. I just need to end with two things…the statistics for actual ‘false reports’ of abuse are only 2% out of victims who claim some form of abuse or assault are actually lying. Only 2%.
Last, I am a big Chris Stapleton fan and this weekend when I had to be alone and put this to prayer I found that the only thing that comforted me was to cry. And then I heard this song by Chris Stapleton, “Sometimes I Cry” When I heard the main lyric, “Sometimes I cry when I can’t do nothing else.” it held my truth. Sometimes I can’t really do anything but I can cry for the victim and I can pray:
I’m not depressed. I’ll be fine. I’m just giving you my truth. How do I do this? many have asked me over the years. Well, now you know.