You can’t run or hide from God’s love.
God is reaching in all areas of my life to show me in great detail that He loves me and He’d really like me to simply accept it without inserting my human exceptions. “He loves me only when I…” or “He must not love me as much now, not when I feel this way.” or “He can’t possibly love me when I’ve…” or “Why do I deserve his love?”, and I can add many more ‘exceptions’ that I’ve listened to instead of simply receiving His love.
I wasn’t even aware that I made these exceptions. I’ve known God’s love. I’ve felt His intentions and blessings any given day and I have learned how important internal dialogue can be to cipher between the ‘lies’ we hear and the ‘truth’.
It wasn’t until I began to look into going deeper in my human relationships, especially with my husband and children, that I realized how much I failed to see God’s love through the ones I love.
I went to reconciliation last week and made a comment that I needed to find my true Joy again. That somewhere along the way I lost the ability to accept true Joy. Meaning, if I receive or achieve an accomplishment of some sort I refuse the Joy that comes along with it because I have somehow convinced myself that a certain level of Joy is not for me to ever experience.
Sounds kind of sad, right? I mean, why shouldn’t I accept Joy when it’s specifically mine to receive?
What I’ve found is that I can’t receive that Joy because I’ve not fully allowed myself to acknowledge God’s true, sincere, unconditional love for me. If I can’t receive HIS love then how could I possibly receive it from others fully, or Joy from an accomplishment or achievement?
My ‘penance’ after reconciliation was to sit in prayer and ask God to tell me how I could be open to receive His love. My answer:
“Neal [my husband] looks at you the way I do.”
There have been many moments lost in our 20+ years together that I refused to accept the love that came from Neal because of this very issue…the inability to feel as if I ‘deserved’ it. Just another level of healing to uncover and conquer!
And then four days later I went to the Mother/ Son Mass for the Immaculate Conception with my boys at St. Thomas. Cardinal DiNardo presided and gave the most moving homily. He began with the first reading, which was Genesis and the story of Adam and Eve. He explained how we were a ‘wounded’ people that immediately felt because of this ‘wound’ we needed to ‘hide from God’. He said clearly, “Don’t run from Him. We are a wounded mess elevated by the grace and salvation of Christ.”
I wish I could give his entire Homily but I only honed this message because it was validating the message I’d received through Reconciliation. He is loud and clear when we choose to listen!
Finally, Cardinal DiNardo in saying a few words about Pope Francis’ introduction into our Jubilee Year of Mercy, he said, “Walking through the door of mercy is walking through the door of acceptance.“
Could God be any LOUDER????
2016 is a Year of Mercy and I will focus my year, blogs, efforts, etc on accepting this mercy, and extending this mercy. If you relate to anything I’ve shared today please consider joining me in this continued walk on our journey of healing.
BTW, I had the cancer removed this morning…it looks like I’ve been stabbed in the back. What story can I make up about this??? Hm…. I know it’s gross but I’ll share the picture any way…maybe it’ll convince you to put on your sunscreen.