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My ‘homework’ is to allow myself to ‘feel the anger’…to release it with the intent the remnants anger leaves in the crooks and crannies of my memories and thoughts will be washed away.

Problem is the anger I have harboring inside is like one of those little slippery jelly toys I got when we I was a kid.The plastic toy that is filled with some sort of jelly substance, shaped like a tub and you can squeeze the plastic through your fingers or fist and it shoots out! bouncing to the floor. I never understood the concept of the toy except that it felt good to squeeze it through my fingers. Sometimes I’d play a game of trying to catch it with my other hand before it shot out! onto the floor…sometimes I succeeded and others it fell – SPLAT!

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I want to release the anger. I do. It is not fun to manage through the day seemingly unscathed and then have a thought run through your mind only to leave behind a vestige of red, hot, fiery anger. Not the ‘I want to harm someone’ anger but the ‘my spirit has been branded by this hurt and there is no good reason except for selfishness…I wish I could wipe this away but feel helpless and foolish’ anger.

My therapist says to find a safe place and literally whack things, exert energy and feel the literal release. I wish there was a place I could go that had padded walls, helmets and all kinds of soft weapons I could go and whack things! …Maybe if Hopeful Hearts ever gets a facility we can create a room like this. A safe place where survivors can release their anger…hmmm… it’s a thought. ;)

Needlesstosay, I have not fully completed my homework. I will. God will give me a safe place. I hate harboring any anger.  A part of me wishes it would just go away. At times I fool myself into thinking it had…and then a thought runs through …

What helped this weekend was being with my family and friends. My oldest, Ryan, asked us to play Battle Star Galatica with him, a request from Ryan is rare so we made Saturday night a family night.

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Three and a half hours later these two (Neal and Seth) joined forces as the ‘bad guys’ the Cylons and took down Ryan and my star ship. They destroyed our population! :(  But we didn’t go down without a fight!! ;)

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Just had to put this one in here too…she will not go far from us at any time!!

Millie (my baby) ;)

Sunday was SuperBowl…need I really comment?? ;)  But it was fun being with my Kingwood family…these guys have been amazing friends throughout the years and Neal and I are blessed to have them in our lives.

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If you harbor ‘anger’ because of what has been ‘done’ to you or what you are suffering then please consider speaking to a therapist about safe ways to release this anger. Just like the memories of abuse can never be ‘shoved’ away anger is the same…it will fester, mold, and rot before it creeps up back into your life and come out in ways that will either be self-harming or harming to those you love.

Blessings

Shannon

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