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No excuses for slacking on the ‘daily’ blog except that I decided not to allow this journey to become a hindrance in my actual healing and family life. Being that this particular journey I am on is quite delicate there are many days I can’t make it to the computer because I need someone in my life (or MYSELF) to know they are FIRST rather than hide behind the computer screen.

And…I’m just about 3 weeks out from Hopeful Hearts Ministry’s FIRST GALA EVENT (February 13th) which is very exciting and at the same time there is a LOT that needs attention. (Click here to go to the Gala Page!)

There are moments that leave me a bit frustrated, and whether it’s hormones or the simple fact that there is still a decent amount of harbored anger and hurt stuck in the crevices of my spirit, my favorite gift of Christmas comes in quite handy:

The DAMMIT DOLL! :D It doesn’t hurt anyone to smash it around and throttle it against the wall.


“Whenever things don’t go so well, and you want to hit the wall and yell, here’s a little dammit doll, that you can’t do without. Just grasp it firmly by the legs and find a place to slam it. And as you whack the stuffing out yell, “Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!”


Aggressive?  Perhaps…  And ingenious.

No pain no gain reallyI gathered recently with a group of survivors and we were all discussing various situations in our life and how we’ve learned the importance of moving through the pain rather than stuffing, ignoring or trivializing it. In times that we stuffed, ignored or made light of what we felt the pain came back  ten-fold, deeper, stronger, more scathing than if we’d worked through it to a place of peace, understanding and eventually forgiveness.

No one likes pain. And if you do then please stop reading this blog and seek serious professional help. ;)

Pain is never enjoyable but pain is often necessary to experience growth and even joy.

On the flip side we don’t like to see those we love in pain. We want to fix it, enable them to avoid it, and take it on ourselves to keep them from suffering. The irony is when we keep those we love from going through the pain they have come across eventually we are leading them into a much bigger, grander, and more ferocious fire. Because one day you won’t be there and the only way for them to survive will be to feel the pain and if they’ve never gone through such growth it can often feel like a death sentence with no hope in sight.

When we allow ourselves and others to work through the pain we illuminate the trust we are to have in God.

Those who trust in the Lord

These past few days I’ve struggled to figure out where I am and the only truth I came to is that I am still in pain and I need to go through it even if it hurts others around me to witness this transformation.

I’m not scerred (say it like it reads ;) ) I’ve been through pain before and I’m proud of who I was on the other side of it every single time.

I pray the same for you, if you are harboring a great amount of pain, anger, frustration and hurt find a way to safely, and in a non-harming to you or others fashion, release it and work your way through it.


For the next four days I might be out of pocket. I’m not sure yet if I’ll get the opportunity to blog…but I have been given a once in a lifetime experience to travel to Park City, Utah to stay at a friend’s home and attend the Sundance Film Festival!! I have no idea what to expect but I hope to have some interesting stories to share that will help bring a bit of ‘sun’ into our healing journey.