11 times. This is how often I’ve watched Dead Poet’s Society.
It reached me at various stages of my life on an emotional, intellectual and creative level.
Often I have used the phrase Oh Captain, My Captain in blog entries over the years. But never before has the sentiment of this verse reverberated through my spirit as it did ( and still does) on Monday.
I have been depressed in my life. Clinically even. Years ago when I was going through the thick of accepting the ugly in my past. I’ve squinted through the looking glass and seen a world where living the next day not only seemed physically impossible to manage but mental insanity to consider. Funnels of sand seep into the crevices of every joint and appendage weighing your body down and yet you are expected to keep pace with the world and keep moving. Your spirit and mind have an internal scuffle with the spirit screaming “Be positive! There is a better day coming,” as the mind scowls in return, “Shut up! There is nothing anyone can do or say to help me forget or move forward.”
It is so hard.
The only way out of it, for me, was to push through and hold on to what my spirit was screaming. ‘Be positive!’ ‘Try!’ ‘There is a better day!’
I hate to admit this but in many ways I thank God there is a part of me that is mentally weak. I was too weak to have the guts to shut my spirit up once and for all.
I’ve had friends who were stronger than I and I wish they were weak in that regard because I miss them dearly. There is a better day. There was a better day for them but it was too hard.
A quick but great example of Dead Poet’s Society…and perfect way to say goodbye to a brilliantly gifted man:
When I watch Dead Poet’s Society I want to crawl into the movie and grab Neil’s face (the main character) shaking it between my hands. “Live one more day.” Each day I would want to remind him to “live one more day” until he could see that there is indeed a better day ahead. Watching this I want to do the same to Mr. Keating (Robin).
I’ve never met Mr. Williams and I do not know the extent of his demons that drowned out the voice of his spirit but I do know I am working with people right now who struggle with the same darkness. To them I say:
Live one more day. And I’ll say it every day. We need you in this world. Your gifts. Your talents. Your blessings.
If you are struggling with depression and are not currently seeking professional help/ counseling, I strongly encourage you to talk to someone.
Visit www.crisistextline.org has volunteers waiting to talk to you and guide you to the help you need.
No matter what problems you are dealing with, we want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.