, , , , ,

It has been 18 long and glorious years.

Neal and I 21 years ago when we first met... a few weeks later.

Before I met Neal the longest relationship I had was with Joe Davis, in high school. We lasted 9 months before I got scared and forced him to break up with me. A few months later he was killed in a car accident. It was very hard to embrace love after Joe.

When I met Neal I had sworn off men. For good reason. My track record wasn’t the greatest. ;)

Neal stuck with me for 18 years even though there were many times I tried to make him leave me. Funny thing with us survivors sometimes intimacy is scarier than being alone.

Weddingphoto001It was easier for me to be close to a stranger who knew nothing about me than to feel comfortable with a man who knew my deepest darkest most intimate secrets.

Comfortable. You’d think that is a word that encompasses the relationship of a husband and wife. Not so for me. I was often uncomfortable because of what was expected in marriage.

I don’t know how Neal put up with me for 18 years … and counting. ;) All I can say is thank God he hasn’t given up on me because walls have come down and I am comfortable with him. I’m learning to embrace the intimacy of someone knowing you in every detail. I’m facing my fears and this is where I’m finding my strength.

Thank you Neal Deitz for loving me through my worst and helping me to see my best. I love you.

Here is a song that I would like to dedicate to Neal…every word I could’ve written myself.

Lennon & Maisy “That’s What’s Up”