This morning I had a short training session with one of my ‘young adults’ whom I’d ministered to when I worked for the parish. I’d hate to say what he owns is a gym because when I think of ‘gym’ I think of a place where beefy guys go to grunt, flex and throw weight around. This is a gym and I’m sure they have their fair share of them but it is smaller and more in line with each individual’s overall personal ‘achievement’ in health. Appropriately it’s called Achievement.
Neal had been going and stopped using his credits so I’ve happily picked them up. One thing I noticed this morning as Richard walked me through his version of a push up is how quickly I want to give up if I can’t seem to ‘get it right’. I don’t give up but inside I want to. Richard is detailed oriented and makes sure every single push up (or whatever exercise you are doing ) is in the correct alignment. “Hip down, shoulders away from your ears, use your back,…slow down, etc etc etc.” I find myself getting exacerbated but at the same time determined to get it right.
Funny, when I do get it ‘right’ and he doesn’t say anything then I think he is sick of telling me and has given up. When I ask, “Is that okay?” He’ll smile and say, “Yes, very good.” Or sometimes he might throw out a ‘perfect’. This embarrasses me because I’m more used to the correcting than I am the praise.
I knew I was late in writing this blog for the weekend but I find it interesting that what I noticed this morning goes along well with what held my heart all weekend. I’ve been floating on a cloud of humbleness and grace. The generosity of others has overwhelmed my senses and I found that it’s almost the same feeling as when I get praise. I don’t know how to accept it. I can accept the gift or the donation and be gracious to others. My issue is embracing the generosity within so that it empowers me.
Last night in Mass I read a prayer on the back of our missalette, it is the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi:
On my knees I prayed, “Lord keep me in alignment with You and Your will for me.” Throughout the celebration I fought back tears as I recognized how often I fail to embrace the generosity of His praise because I’m more inclined to receive consistent instruction. After living a good portion of my life ‘out of whack’ I knew it would take time, determination and consistent instruction to get my life in proper alignment with His will. There have been ‘God moments’ that I feel His specific praise which has helped with the encouragement to keep working at it.
But it is in the moments that I don’t hear anything I wonder, “Am I doing this right?”
At some point in that ‘silence’ I need to find the confidence to recognize that I’ve learned from the best instructor and to trust in the abilities He’s given. I know God well enough to know He’ll make it known if I’m out of alignment in any way…just like Richard.